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So, for context I have been seeing this guy for a month or so now who I am really into (I knew him before matching him on tinder, we went to the same school and have mutuals). We have spent every weekend together and a day through the week most weeks if we have time between work commitments etc. Whenever I see him I feel like infatuated with him, he's just everything I could ever ask for in a man, loads of common interests, he's handsome as fuck, funny and the butterflies and nerves kick in more than I've ever experienced. I am normally not one for thinking before I speak but I just don't want to mess this up or come on too strong. I know he's still on bumble/tinder etc, I am not because after a week or 2 of continuously seeing/speaking to someone that I've clicked with, I'd rather put all my time into one person not multiple. I have no idea if he's still actively speaking to anyone else, nor do I feel like it's any of my business. But this is where my conscience kicks in and makes me wonder when the right time is to bring up like exclusivity or whether that's even what he's after? I'm more than happy to just see where it goes and just spend as much time with him as possible but I'm use to men and the novelty wearing off as soon as they find a better option so I guess I'm just afraid of getting more wrapped up because I'm already feeling more things that I'd want to be at this point 🙈 Any advice, similar situations or constructive criticism will be appreciated 😅

Yall both need to have a talk about what it is that you want between y’all, communicate where you both are mentally so you can get an idea of where his head is at and so he knows where you are at.

Rule of thumb is 10 dates or 3 hookups, whichever comes first. 

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M seeking F Was wondering which app is the best to avoid Romance scammers. should one just go ahead and choose apps that require subscriptions?

What is romance scammers?

Think it changes by age and other factors. I would give more specifics to inform the answer.

Not Relevant

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A few weeks ago, I met a friend of friends at the university. We chatted a bit and got along well, and I suggested going for a drink sometime. We ran into each other again recently, and he suggested having lunch together on Friday. The fact that he accepted my proposal to meet one-on-one makes me think he might also be interested. But at the same time, the idea of lunch seems more like a friendly get-together than my initial proposal to go for a drink. Should I see this as a subtle way for him to let me know that it's purely a friendly meeting?

It's possible sure, but I think it's always best not to read too deep between the lines. You're right in that a lunch can be seen more casually, but anything is possible.

Not enough context to really tell, but it depends on if he goes for it or not when you do meet him. You never mentioned if you are interested in him or not

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Hello! I'm a younger guy thats wondering about good places to meet someone? I've never liked the idea of dating apps and I'm not a big fan of social media, but that just seems to be the way everyone meets now. I've also never been big on partying or the bar scene. I come from a small town and I'm very active within my community, but most of the people I meet through community service projects are much older than myself. I also have a couple of hobbies but I rarely meet girls through them, and it seems like the ones I do meet are in a relationship. I've been single for a little while now and I'm ready to meet someone, but I just don't really know where to go. In my previous relationships I've always met girls through friends or family, and those situations always just happened naturally, but now I rarely meet anyone new like that. So if you guys could recommend some places to check out I would greatly appreciate it!

Any hobbies you want to learn? Maybe a local class?

Go to the supermarket bar with a wingman/woman, or just alone. You don’t have to “drink drink”. Try improv class or some other community activity that draws younger people in. Your post super resonates and I’m not much of a bar/club person either but my friends and I are planning a club night just to see. Take dancing classes, or go to dance events on meetup. How far are you from a city? Can you just venture out a little bit?

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I was married for 7 years from 2012-2019. I was treated poorly in every aspect. Verbally abused pretty bad and controlled in alot of ways. But I was used to it and it was my normal and I thought it was normal. After my divorce I met some men casually. But it’s been two years since I’ve tried to get out there. I finally got back out there and wow. I didn’t know this was the correct way to treat someone. He cares about things, my wants and dislike and genuinely takes me into consideration. He doesn’t yell or get mad or negate the way I feel. The way I cook, the way I do things he likes it and does not downgrade me. It seems like he actually really loves me. Even sexually. He is always kissing me, holding my hand, touching my butt when he can when no one is near, kissing my neck, touching my leg when he’s driving, kissing everywhere and not trying to have sex every time. He just wants to be close to me and feel me. Not looking to have sex every single time and it feels good for him to want to want to just kiss me all around and enjoy it. He’s an amazing kisser and we just enjoy it together and touching each other.

Sounds like a great guy. I'm glad you're happy. Since you're not asking for advice I won't give any, and I hope the relationship continues to go well and progresses over time and it will be long term and everything that you want it to be.

I’ve had this too. She was both anxious attachment & touch oriented person as am I and when you find each other it’s incredibly enveloping and special. Like a constant literal warm hug. Congrats and enjoy 😊

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I 36/F have been dating 35/M for the last month but we have years knowing each other prior. Dates have been great, chemistry has been great. We have similar looks on life and for the future. However, he is not able to finish with me. Today I asked if he’s been able to finish with other women, that he may have been seeing the last month and he’s been able to. He feels like we may not be sexually compatible, but we get horny for each other every single time. He just doesn’t finish with me. This is the first time I’ve gone through this, most of my relationships in the past have been sexual leading. The main part of them is the sex. So I at least had that, but now it’s the first time someone can’t with me. He expresses he has feelings for me and we can spend a lot of time together but he just can’t cum with me. He’s not sure if he can get there with me but has these strong feelings for me too. I just feel very confused. My ego is a little hurt too. My self esteem feels off.

This is interesting to be honest, is he not into it completely? Has he had issues in the past?

This happens to me sometimes. It's just nerves. I rarely watch porn and use a very loose grip solo - so none of the usual culprits.

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There’s always so much talk and support about being cheated on and infidelity from the viewpoint of the partner being cheated on. I never see much about the devastation of finding out you’re the other woman (or man) Being misled from the beginning, forming a bond that you now have to accept as fake. I, 34/F was dating “Nate” 32/M for about 1yr. I am now finding out that Nate was in a 4-year relationship the whole time and his partner 33/F was even pregnant while we were intimate. I don’t know how to feel. I know I shouldn’t miss something that was never real or genuine, and I shouldn’t want someone like that. Still, the thought of them together, working it out, and him discarding me like nothing still hurts. I guess it’s natural when you thought you had something special with someone. And I truly loved him. Part of me wishes she’d leave because he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship after doing that to me, but it’s not my call what another woman chooses to put up with. This was no casual fling or one night stand. I hate feeling like nothing, like they still have each other, their own family and I’m left with all the pain while he gets off unscathed. We have not spoken since I revealed that I know the truth and exposed him. I’m not surprised, that was just for context. It’s just an unfair situation that I don’t see talked about much. I just want to reiterate that I had no idea, and this is all coming out over a year later. I’d never willingly be the other woman and then cry about it. I didn’t know.

*I know I shouldn’t miss something that was never real or genuine* It was real and genuine. For you. And that's what matters. You didn't do anything wrong. He did. Just because he's incapable of empathy, has no respect or decency, doesn't have genuine feelings, and lied to and manipulated you, has no bearing on you or your character. I've been the woman who was cheated on, manipulated, lied to, and so many more horrible things by a man I was madly in love with, planning to marry, and who I found out, after years of being together, that he pretended to be sick with the same incurable illness that I have just to get me to talk to him and go on a date with him. There are predators in this world, and I'm so sorry you've met one. Don't drive yourself crazy thinking that he's some great guy to his girlfriend. Feel sorry for her. He trapped her with a baby, lies, and manipulations. She is a victim, too, whether she realizes it yet or not. He put her in the most vulnerable position a woman can ever be in. You don't know what he says to her, how he treats her, or what she knows about the real him. You've seen his true self. Thank God every single day that you did and that your life is saved from this man. Yes. Your heart hurts right now, and it should be because you're a loving, caring, mentally stable human being who actually feels things and has emotional intelligence. Your ex will never understand what that's like because he uses people to satisfy selfish, twisted needs, and when he's done with them, he throws them away like trash. Be thankful that you're not like him. Don't let this man win by making you bitter, turning your heart cold, or becoming someone you don't recognize. Learn, heal, and grow. Let this experience empower you and show you how strong you are. (((Hugs)))

He lied to you so many times over - you are a victim in his messed up game just like his partner. I’m sorry it happened to you and that you’re grieving the potential of a relationship that was built on lies and are left picking up the pieces.  Did you tell his partner?? She’s also building a life outta lies.

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I recently graduated college. During college, I dated someone for about a year. We broke up 10 months ago, and ever since then I have thought of her very often. I think about her in passing at least once a day. We had some issues in our relationship, but I broke up with her over a specific situation. A few months ago I met someone new (Let's call her Sue) and we began seeing each other, but have not labelled the relationship. She is everything I could want in a partner. A few weeks ago, I received information about the situation my ex and I broke up over that made me realize that I was completely in the wrong. I had always felt regretful about ending the relationship, but that made it 10x worse. I reached out to her after a long period of no contact. She gave me some closure but was absolutely not interested in getting back together. I was absolutely crushed. But things have been getting better, even if I still think about my ex a lot. Meanwhile, things have been getting more serious with Sue and she has been hinting she wants our relationship to be official soon. I have feelings for Sue, but I also have a lot of regret for ending my relationship with my ex. I know the right thing to do is to break things off, but it feels dumb to do so when Sue has treated me super well and is someone that I would want to date.

Just be open and honest, you need to fully let go before dragging someone else into your life which you don’t feel 100% certain with. Don’t waste Sue’s time.

Look at your last relationship as a learning experience. Maybe it’s taking you longer to get over it because you held on to the idea of getting back together. As time goes on, you will get over it.

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I’ve 35M been seeing this woman 50F for almost 2 years. It’s been great so far, she takes very good care of me, our place we live in together and cooks for us almost every night. I also cook for myself a lot too as I eat a lot. She does most of the housework and I will admit I should be putting in more effort towards these chores. About a month ago she started giving me the silent treatment after an argument, in the argument I ended up getting a bit stern and told her it’s very rude to ignore someone in the middle of conversation thus the silient treatment starting. She went to work the next day and wouldn’t allow me to pick her up, I believe she skipped work and went and gambled her money away somewhere as I could hear wind in the phone like she was waiting outside for the bus somewhere. We had a long phone call where she said basically nothing as I repeatedly asked where she was and if she was coming home(4pm) I ended up staying up till midnight that night waiting for her and when I finally gave up and went to bed she was there sleeping already. I didn’t get home until about 8pm that night so there is a chance she was there the whole time or she snuck in while I was cooking. This was a few months ago. The next day she was fine and over it as was i. Two days ago she admitted to recently gambling all of her money away and wouldn’t tell me how much, I’m guessing 3-6k. She stated she wouldn’t have her share of rent money (800) and needed to borrow 900 to send home to her family. I told her if we went and signed out of the casinos for two years together I would do it. Then yesterday she did the same thing as last time, wouldn’t let me pick her up and on the phone I could hear wind. Saying she would stay at work and work the next day, which is usually her day off. I asked her if she’s staying there forever and she said maybe. She wouldn’t tell me anything. I asked what I did to deserve this and she went silent. This morning she texts me good morning as if nothing is wrong to which I replied with ( …… ) How do I navigate my partners addiction, im not going to break up with her in her critical condition right now but how much can a guy take ? I know people need their personal time but can’t I be given some sort of explanation ? How many red flags do you guys see here, maybe it’s time I find someone my own age, I have no one to talk to about this, looking for honest opinions as I’m wracking my brain trying to figure this out. Thanks in advance.

Holy shit. This reads like she's more ur mommy then ur partner. She takes very good care of u? This woman's 15 yrs older than u and is running off to gamble? Bro what are u doing.

So many red flags. I seriously hope your finances are fully separate - no joint accounts, no authorized user on your cards, etc - because she will burn through everything you have. She sounds mentally unwell. To be 50 and running away and giving the silent treatment? To gamble away 3-6k so quickly? Needing to borrow from her bf to pay rent?  If you were married that would be considered financial infidelity.  I’m going to be honest… I don’t think I could stay with a boyfriend who acted like that. I don’t think I could sit by and watch a boyfriend blow up their life through a gambling addiction. I’d probably make him an ex-boyfriend unless he put himself into addiction treatment and showed me through his actions that he was trying with his whole heart to heal/deal with the addiction and change the way he treated me.

Hurtful

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My aunt reached out to me and my sister the other day, and asked us if we were free to hang out with her and some of our cousins. We said yes. These plans came up while talking to my mom, who got upset and said that my sister and I were not allowed to go (she said things like, “if you don’t go you don’t love or respect me”) and actually forbade us from going. Back story: apparently on the last trip my parents took a few months ago, my aunt made plans with my other aunts (her siblings) and did not invite my parents. I believe my aunt told my other aunts to not mention it to my parents. My mom was hurt and to my understanding is in an unspoken fight with my aunt. My mom also said that my aunt was not invited to MY wedding next year, and that if my aunt attends she will not go to my wedding. My mom pulled a similar stunt at my sibling’s wedding years ago, and threatened to not attend that wedding the night before. I’m writing this because I don’t know what to do and I’m really starting to get annoyed with getting caught in the middle of family drama. It’s isolating and in my opinion life is too short to latch onto negativity. I feel like if I don’t put my foot down now, it’s going to enable this authoritarian type relationship. If I do put my foot down, I risk shattering my relationship with my mom. I’m an adult, I don’t live in her house, I have a full time job. I have mostly always listened to my mom for small things to keep the peace because I do feel she feels the need to be in control and in charge, but as I’m getting older her attempts to control me and my decisions are annoying, immature, and tiring. I do feel like she treats me and my siblings as pawns and as an extension of herself rather than our individual selves sometimes; I know she loves and cares about us but she pulls these stunts sometimes and it is emotionally and mentally tiring. I do love her and care about her, but I know her personality and our relationship is complex. Should I give in and listen to her or put my foot down?

YOU'RE 28 YEARS OLD.

Go and see your aunt. You’re an adult. It’s time for mom to start acting like one as well. 

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