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I’ve been seeing a girl for nearly 3 months now. We see eachother a lot, maybe abit to much but all in all it’s going well enough. But i’m not starting to wonder if i want anything to do with her anymore. I feel recently she has done a few things to set of my red flag alarms, little things like taking her phone to very short bathroom trips, being quite cheeky and combative humor wise, she told me the other day at my house she was going home to get a shower and grab her work uniform for the next day, she returned over an hour later with no uniform, didn’t smell like she had a shower and my gut just screamed she’s lying, another one if quickly pocketing her phone when she saw me appear one day, then shortly after when she went to use it again she got up and stood facing me which again sent major flags off. I’ve been cheated on before and i feel she had a lot of cheating vibes about her. She tells me she loves me & wants to hook a holiday together for september, but im seriously suspicious she’s seeing someone else. I got with her just as she got out of a relationship, but she said she had mentally checked out off it long before she emded it. I just feel like im being cheated on, seeing signs of it anyway. abit paranoid. on top of all this she always seems very distant, not very talkative sometimes, and just the lights are on but nobody is home type of vibe. I don’t know what to do but i feel very uncomfortable

She’s probably cheating. Your gut is almost always right. Been there. She was cheating. Oh yeah and the other one. She was cheating.

You're thinking about breaking up and asking strangers instead of asking her? You two seem to hit it off well.

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I have a history with disordered eating. My husband recently has become very healthy in terms of food choices. He started only eating one meal a day about a year ago. He now wants to give up refined sugar completely (no dessert, no fruit, no bread, no pasta) and only eat whole grains, protein, and vegetables. He wants us to optimize our health and set similar rules for our young children. I thought I had finally reached a point where I am comfortable with my own food choices and enjoying things in moderation. While I do sometimes overindulge with dessert, I no longer binge or hide food or other bad habits. The recent conversations around food have been extremely triggering. We are constantly talking about food and I am constantly feeling guilty about my choices and what I am doing to our children. I feel like a failure that I am not able to give up sugar, or more accurately that I do not want to give up sugar. I am extremely angry with my husband and resentful that he is harping on this topic every time we have a second to talk. While I agree somewhat with him about reducing our sugar intake, I feel he is too extreme. I am super depressed that we have so little in common around food. One of my hobbies is baking and the fact that I can no longer do that for my family to enjoy is also super depressing and another source of resentment. My husband insists I need to just stop eating emotionally and we will be in alignment. If it was just the two of us, I would be able to do my own thing but we are struggling to be consistent with our children. How do we move forward?

Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating, and will likely deny it. His hyper-controlled approach to food is not healthy for children at all, and puts them at high risk for eating disorders. I wonder if a “neutral expert” could persuade him, your pediatrician, or a pediatric dietician.

I don't think there's anything wrong with HIM sticking to whole grains, protein, and vegetables, but he is bonkers crazy for trying to impose that on you and WORSE, your children. That is so incredibly unhealthy for him to even consider doing that. DO NOT allow him to do this to your children. They will be binging junk food out of the house and grow up with an incredibly dangerous relationship with food. PLEASE don't let him hurt your children like this. PLEASE keep baking so that your children can enjoy food.

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My fiancée (28F) is a first generation French immigrant who moved to the US for college 10 years ago and became a US citizen 4 years ago.  Her parents and grandparents all still live in France and she visits them a few times a year. I went with her on a trip to France after we got engaged and had been together for a yea  to see and be introduced to her family. The entire time it was tense and hostile. I guess my Fiancée didn’t tell her family that I was black because I could just tell by their face that they weren’t expecting it when they first saw me. She didn't send them pictures or anything of me. Her grandparents especially (who are in their 80’s and 90’s) kept making comments in French that I couldn’t understand but I knew were bad since my fiancée would respond in an aggressive/defensive way in French whenever they would make them. Once we got back we had a discussion about the whole thing and she told me that her family is very proud of their country and its culture/history. They apparently have a bad impression of black Americans as lazy criminals or something (she didn’t say that directly but kinda referenced it) and apparently my girlfriend got an angry email from her father about a week after we got back that she “might as well sterilize herself” because she’s ending her bloodline. I even put it in google translate to make sure that’s what it said. I kinda understand now why she didn’t tell them about me or send them pictures, but I don’t know how this will work in the future if we actually get married. How did I go about this?

The real question is how is your Fiancée handling her racist family? It’s not great she didn’t prepare you in advance. Does she plan to keep contact? How much contact?

Her family is crappy, but to spring that situation on you with no warning was really bad judgement. Like really bad judgement. If that doesn’t give you second thoughts, I think maybe some counseling or a neutral third party (cause counseling is expensive in US) is in order to go over the implications of how this will impact the future. If you have kids, you wouldn’t want them subjected to hate like that. Which means NC for your & your children with her family. Is she prepared for that? Is she prepared to be cut off by her family or be forced (by their behavior) to go NC or LC?

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I’ve been seeing someone for a few months, and things have been great so far! Over the past few days, something about our text conversations just seems..off? I’m not sure if I’m getting too in my head; or if there are subtle signs that this person may be giving via text that he’s no longer interested. From a male perspective - what are some things you do to subtly let a girl know that you’ve lost interest, or that your feelings have shifted to more platonic rather than romantic?

For me, if I'm not interested, I'll just tell you that I don't feel a romantic connection and I'll end it. But, I suppose if I'm headed that way but haven't made a decision, I'll be texting less often, I won't be making future plans, I won't be as available, my communications will be less personal, no more flirting, etc.

it wouldnt be so much in what i would say, but more so in what i'd do in my actions. the conversation would become more friendly, i'd stop using words like "babe", i'd probably msg less often n even avoiding, i would cancel plans more often n say im busy. i guess to summarize everything in two words: friendly and avoidant. on the flip side, we'll just come right out n say what the deal is n tell u to move on romantically.

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Let’s set the scene. It’s May and I’m talking to this girl, let’s call her Ashley, and she eventually confessed that she likes me. While I would call this a W for me, I’m concerned on if I’m breaking bro code. One of my bros, call him Joey, and her were in a talking stage for a little bit way back in September, but it only lasted a couple weeks after my bro decided to shut it down. She eventually met me and my roommate when we were sitting next to Joey’s friend, she decided to come sit with us along with one of her friends. After a while (I’d say two to three months after this) we started going on walks together, usually with my roommate or her friend accompanying us, but it eventually became us two alone and we started to talk to each other and have deep convos. It wasn’t long after that she confessed and I’ve been stumped. She’s a great woman and I can definitely see myself dating her. However, I can’t shake this one thing. I talked about it with my roommate and he says he sees no foul and I’m gonna bring it up to Joey at some point, but I wanna get the public opinion. Is this a violation of bro code?

He shut it down, right? You're clear, dude. He moved on.

I spoke to the other Bros, and after further review the ruling on the field is confirmed. No violation is detected, proceed with your courtship.

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I was chatting to a girl on tagged (dating app), she wanted to move the chat to telegram, once i chatted to her on telegram she told me that do I want a sugar mummy, she sent me 4 photos of hot ladies and she said pick one and I'll will meet her and have sex with her and then get paid $5000, I'm tempted to check it out, could this be a police stings or scam

So this woman randomly offered to make you into a prostitute? I'm no expert, but I'm 1000% sure that's not on the level.

The fact that you even considered this might be a real thing and not an attempt to, at the very least, steal a kidney from you is legitimately one of the funniest things I've heard in weeks. That being said, you should check it out!

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I (20F) like this guy (20M) but I am several inches taller. I’m 178cm (5’10) and I would estimate he is 165 cm (5’5). The height difference does not bother me at all but I am worried he might not like it. I do not know how to make it known I like him and the height difference is not a big deal. I have talked to guys shorter than me before and it was always a hurdle to get them to understand their height is not an issue.

Short fella here, I feel hella good when an Amazon likes me back

Talk to him the way you would anyone else you wanted to date. Don't mention height unless he asks.

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My girlfriend quit vaping two months ago. Since then, I've frequently reminded her of how proud I am of her and I assure her I am here to support her in any way. Recently, she has been undergoing a lot of stress from a summer job leading to burnout. Today, she has been expressing to me how much she wants to buy a new vape, but she doesn't want for me to be disappointed. My disappointment is the only thing holding her back. I have always told her that I would be honest and that I would be disappointed. I reassure her that I am not telling her she cannot vape and that it is ultimately her decision to make. I remind her that I will support her and love her regardless. How am I supposed to navigate this? I don't know what to say because the conversation always returns to her saying she doesn't want me to be disappointed. I try telling her that it is your body, your health, and your decision to make. If that is how you choose to cope, I understand. If anyone has recommendations for this conversation, I would appreciate it. I refuse to enable this habit and encourage her to use nicotine to cope, but I refuse to stop her from doing what she wants. I am fully supportive of her making these decisions for herself and I encourage her to not worry about what I think. She needs to do what she thinks is best. I just don't know how to support her anymore or what to say. Thank you for any input.

kind of sounds like to me she's actually looking to you for support in not buying a vape. Doing something like this by yourself is very difficult, and it's usually very helpful to have somebody you're held accountable to. It almost sounds like she wants you to talk her out of getting a vape? Have you asked her if this is how she wants you to support her?

Hey there! It sounds like you're in a tough spot. You're doing great by supporting your girlfriend through this. Let her know you're proud of her progress without vaping and that you'll support her no matter what. Encourage her to find healthier ways to cope with stress. Keep reminding her that your love is unconditional. It might take time, but being patient and understanding will help her make the best decision for herself.

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I (23f) have been seeing this guy (26m) for about a month and a half. We hang out 3-4 times a week, talk a bit, have hooked up, and he acts like we are in a relationship. well, i decided to ask the “so what are we” question and he said: “If you want to know how I feel, i definitely like you and enjoy your company always. As far as what I’m looking for, I told you before that in the past I’ve always jumped from relationship to relationship and I’m really hoping I don’t do that this time. I’m not ready to give someone my 100% undivided attention just yet, just because I’ve never given myself that kind of attention. I’m truly looking to become the best version of myself before i commit to someone honestly. I’ll tell you right now i don’t talk to any other girls nor am i looking to talk to anyone else. If this were any other time in my life I would’ve already asked you to be my girlfriend but I’m not the type to do something unless I know I can put 100% effort in and there’s just so much I’m still figuring out about myself.” How do i even respond to this? I’m fine with waiting, but i don’t want to be putting in all this effort and time be strung along for no reason. idk how to convey this in a way that doesn’t seem bitchy, i feel like just outwardly saying that won’t sound right, ya know? he’s a great guy and i enjoy the time we spend together, but i don’t want to hurt myself in the long run, so i know it’s better to get clarity now. Idk how to even respond to this ugh. help. what would you do? :(

there's no timetable for him to be ready to be in another relationship. i wouldnt wait around. he basically wants a fwb situation. you can say something like this(assuming you are looking for serious relationship): "thanks for being honest with me and where you stand. at this time i am looking for someone who can give me their 100% and wants to date and progress into a relationship. i think its best we take a break from seeing each other so you can focus on yourself and i can focus on finding someone that is aligned with what i am looking."

The problem is that the words and actions do not align and is confusing and frustrating.  Step back in the relationship so that what you are doing matching what he says he wants/can give you and ask him to do the same. After the initial adjustment to it, if that process of differentiation or stepping back feels unmanageable or undesirable, then that’s the end.  It might also help for you all to discuss what being “in a relationship” looks like and means to each of you. Like how does what’s happening now differ from whatever the next step is?

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So we met about 1-2 times but we got eachother contact, we text alot in the first month, things going great, she seems to like it and we talk alot but in the second month it get repetitive so I tried to ask her out, go have a dinner or something, I thought she gonna agree but she's not. I didn't even say this was a date, just have a dinner as a friend. After that I ask her out a couple more times throughout the week but she still don't want to go, I start to think "Am I really that bad that even a friend don't want to meet me?". It's not like she is busy all the time, I saw she's still hangout with her friends alot but just not me. So now should I keep continue to text her daily and wait for another chance or just done with this weird relationship and move on?

stop wasting your time and move on. she likes the attention, thats it

STOP TEXTING HER. She is using you for attention, move on. There’s plenty of girls that will actually wanna go out with you, she isn’t one of them.

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Me 19F and my friend 19NB, have been friends since middle school. Its been twice since they made a move on me and I rejected them. But they still make me uncomfortable like them being like, “It’s so weird because I love people that I’ve known for so long. Even if I can’t be with them... Like I’m in love with their soul.. blah blah...” It sucks really bad because I feel like they only like me because I’m a girl. Like if I was a guy, this wouldn’t be a problem. But I don’t know if I’m overthinking it. Should I distance myself? I don’t want to lose them as a best friend. TLDR: Best friend possibly in love with me. Should I confront ? Should I just ignore ? Or distance myself.

You need to tell them it makes you a bit uncomfortable and accept that may dent the friendship. You've made it clear there's no romantic interest but they're continuing to gesture towards it.

They have to come to terms and accept you’re not interested It’s not your resizability to “do” anything just because they have feelings and you…don’t That said, distancing yourself would probably do more damage than help and if as you say you don’t want to lose them as a friend, that’s a sure fire way to do exactly that 😐 You still may, if they really *cannot* separate their unrequited feelings for you from your friendship, but that won’t be anything you can do about and there’s not really anything you can do in that What happens long term is up to them, all you can really do I suppose is to keep being their friend the same as you would if they weren’t possibly harboring feelings for you What they do is up to them

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We have been dating for six years. I love him very much and he is my best friend. We only see each other on the weekends when we are home from university. We either meet at his parents or my parents house and sleep together there. He is very good looking and really sweet. I often get the urge to hug/kiss/touch him but not much more than that. I do sometimes feel sexually attracted to him but it is rare. He is very attracted to me. I am capable of being sexually attracted to men. And do feel sexually attracted to other men, but i immediately let those thoughts go and would never be unfaithful, i just mean i do feel natural sexual attraction sometimes. I think i might have a weird relationship with sex. I feel like it is shameful and feel like love is and should be innocent and cute. Therefore maybe i feel like love and lust don’t go together in my head. Does anyone have any tips for this problem, or any explanations/theories?

Staying with the same guy you’ve been with since 13 might sound sweet but if you arent sexually attracted to him - indicative that it isn’t a good fit. There are others out there - maybe you’re limiting yourself by holding on to something that has naturally run its course.

This is going to be beyond Reddit’s pay grade. It sounds like you have some complex feelings about sex and love that are hindering your relationship. Talking about that with a therapist would be a great place to start, and something that could help a lot.

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Whats up, I just met a girl on fb dating and we have been talking for about 5 days now. In the beginning (which I know is fast, I thought we clicked right away) we were flirting and getting to know each other. She said she liked me, her best friend approved of me, I thought it was kicking off to a great start. She came over to my house on the 2nd day, and we hung out and talked. She had a great time, things got a little spicy, but we didn't sleep together. After she left, I told her I had a great time, she said she did too . I mentioned something about hanging out again and she said she would like that, so the next day, I asked her if there was a day where her kid could be watched and we could go get dinner. She said don't know, and texted me later saying that she doesn't think we were gonna work out, and that we had nothing in common. I asked her if she wanted to talk and see where it goes and she said sure. I wasn't trying to rush anything, im just very confused. I've never been interested with someone who has these symptoms, and we are still talking through out the day just not like we were before. Did I screw up somewhere? Am I wasting my time? I'm so confused, she said I was awesome and I had her laughing her ass off the whole time. Any advice is appreciated

Take it and run bro, you don’t want any part of that long term, trust me. Even if she’s on meds now doesn’t mean they won’t stop working down the road and she’ll ruin your life. Get out while you can.

Thought I add that she said she wanted us to work, just wasn't feeling a connection. Said she wasn't a 100%. She has had terrible previous relationships, im just not sure how to continue this in the right direction to be with her

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I’m a 36M and gf is 32F. Been together almost 8 years. Throughout the years I’ve dealt with episodes of her throwing rage fits. The first time I dealt with it was in year two of dating. We got into an argument at a friend’s wedding, but it was so long ago I don’t even remember what it was about. We stayed overnight in our private bedroom and she punched me in the chest 3 times because she was so mad at something I said. I was shook. Like holy shit, did I just experience domestic abuse for the first time in my life? She apologized, we made up and moved on. There have been 3 other incidents where her rage has taken over since then. Slamming doors, punching through a window and shattering the glass is one of them. Multiple doors slammed and screaming at the top of her lungs. Each time I’ve walked out of the house and didn’t come back for 2-3 days. She hasn’t laid her hands on me since that first incident. This is all over the span of almost 8 years. Her Mom passed in year 4. I was a pallbearer. We’ve gone through a lot in our relationship. I’ve hoped for change, but this past week she blew up again. This time it was about her own personal work life. She exploded and went on a rageful rampage and shattered our bedroom window by punching it. Luckily she didn’t cut herself. She’s gone to therapy to cope with the passing of her mom. She’s tried to self medicate with pot. She has no close friends where we live. Nothing has helped. I’ve found myself being her therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, best friend, etc…I’m EXHAUSTED. We’ve been discussing potentially breaking up. It’s so hard right now. I’m confused. Investing so much time and so many years in a relationship, and now considering breaking up is baffling. We’re at a crossroads. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice would be much appreciated.

It's incredibly tough to be in a relationship where rage issues are present. Your safety and well-being should always come first. It's important to consider seeking support from a professional counselor or therapist for guidance on how to navigate this situation, especially if you're feeling exhausted and unsure about the future of your relationship. Taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally is crucial.

you have to leave. **You have to fucking leave**. There is no "discussion" about potentially breaking up, you have to DO IT. This is domestic violence.

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Me and my bf have been dating for a year now but to this day I still think about how i said I love you first (i said it 4 months into dating) my bf told me that he wanted to say it sooner before I did . Do you guys think that’s weird or looked like I was down bad I overthink it bc usually the guys say it first (from what I see) but just want to hear yall thoughts?:)

Not weird at all! You both love each other and that’s all that matters

I don't think it's weird and I don't think it matters who says it first! As long as you got your feelings of love out to each other, that's what matters!

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Me (23M) and my partner (23F) have been together for 7 months now. Lately, she's been acting a bit distant and cold. Then yesterday, she opened up to me about something bothering her. It seems like she's unsure about getting married in the future or becoming dependent on her spouse. She mentioned she might prefer being independent down the road and isn't sure if she wants us to get married eventually or if she wants to marry me. She assured me she's not leaving, but it's left me feeling uncertain about where our relationship is heading. Maybe she just needs some time to figure things out. Now I'm anxious, wondering if our relationship might end or if she's thinking about marrying someone else. I'm starting to worry that maybe she's interested in someone else, especially since most of her close friends and coworkers are guys from her workplace. I'm not sure what to do or how to process all of this. She also mentioned she wants to be alone in the future so she can hang out and bond more with her friends. But right now, she already spends time with them and her coworkers. I'm not sure if that's really the reason or if there's more to it. I'm just feeling confused by everything she's said.

OK, but so what? How is this impacting your building your future? Your constant self improvement? This woman just told you she doesn't really see a future with you right now, but she will keep you around because you provide boyfriend energy and maybe she will change her mind. So who cares about her? Focus on building your future. This woman is not the one for you, she is just keeping you from finding that woman. And, yeah, everyone is going to tell you (rightfully) she is probably hooking up with some of these guys. She is living her best life, has you doing boyfriend stuff while winning cool boyfriend awards while she plays party girl when she wants. Works great for her. But the real question, again, is how is your self improvement coming? How is your gym and fitness coming? What is the next hobby skill you are looking to develop coming? How is your career and income plan going? Looking for a better job? How is all of that? I want to hear about your near term goals, your long term goals, this woman is just distracting you from that. Because fuck this woman. You should still be head down focused on your grind bettering yourself with no time for drama and women that bring it to your life. You got a couple of years before you get serious about looking for a wife, and she aint it. She is just a time waister. And likely you don't want to know what else she is. So get back on your grind and forget this woman. Every day, self improve. There is nothing with this woman to even fight for.

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I met my 31m coworker and started talking to him about 2-3 months ago…. We got very close or at least I thought we did he came over a couple of times to my apartment and took me out to eat twice. We never had sex but we did almost everything else. Had phone calls texted almost everyday and I got so attached. Recently he’s been blocking me from seeing his stories and he blocked me on instagram when we didn’t even have each other on there in the first place. We are still each others #1 friends on Snapchat if that means anything at all. But he hasn’t spoken to me in the last two days. I miss him and have to see him everyday at work for probably the next 2 years. Please if you have any advice I’d truly appreciate it and please don’t be rude as I’m already hurt.

I mean, you've been relegated to a booty call. This isn't how you treat someone you want a relationship with. Want better than this for yourself OP: time to let it settle in that this is a dead end, and if they're looking to hang out with you, you probably end up feeling used the next day.

The first piece of advice I’d give is to say that conventional wisdom will suggest that you don’t shit where you eat. Why? Because of what you’re dealing with right now. Your professional relationship will (if it isn’t already) almost certainly be negatively impacted but here’s hoping that’s not the case. Regardless, assuming you’ll ignore all that (realizing we’re also past that point anyway), what you need to do is use your words. Tell him how you feel and what you want. He hasn’t spoken to you in two days? Have you reached out to him? Next, how do you know you’re blocked? Did you look on another account? Either way, talk to him. That’s how you’ll get the answer you need. Good luck.

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He and I have been together for almost 8 years now, and this has been an ongoing problem the whole time. The main problem to me is I can’t bring up concerns without him arguing with how I feel, getting defensive, making excuses, blaming me, or turning the tables on me. For example, he and I were gaming together and something he was doing was kind of bothering me a little so I decided to ask him his preferred way to go about that thing so I could adjust. In a game we like to play together, looting is a great way to get coin and supplies. Bits and bobs. He often cuts me off in the game to loot where I was trying to go. Kind of annoying but no big deal. So I asked him if he’d prefer to do all the looting and I can do other stuff in the meantime. He took exception to that, huffed, and asked me what my problem was. I didn’t want to fight so I said that. It really wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want it to turn into one. He responded by telling me he’s sick of me painting him out to be the bad guy and like his existence is annoying and a burden. This sort of things happens every single time I bring up a concern with him. No matter how benign. No matter how delicately I put it. If it’s not super fun for him to hear, he takes it personally. Like I attacked him and now we’re enemies. Every. Single. Time. Without fail. I’ve told him (ad nauseam) that I should be able to bring up concerns and it not turn into a fight. He agrees and promises to do better next time. He doesn’t. Ever. And I’m not exaggerating. It hasn’t gotten even a little better over this 8 years. He’s spiteful and disingenuous and disrespectful during these unfun conversations when all I’m trying to do is just tell him how I feel. I know at this point I’m a fool in love. I know he’s shown me time and time again who he is and how he handles things. And yet, I stay. Hoping it will get better, knowing it won’t. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I leave him? How do I show myself I deserve better? Why cant I effing leave??

This isn’t love you’re feeling. It’s habitual. This is all your body knows around this person. Maybe the truth is you keep choosing this man because somewhere along your life you were told that this was the best you were going to get. Being dismissed and minimised, not being heard or seen. Not cared for fully. You’re accepting this from him. Do you think you may have self esteem issues? That’s a long period of time to be ground down on

I think your question "why can't I leave the repeated DARVo, dismissive unhappy relationship" is large enough to warrant professional help/advice; like individual therapy or at least family I sense being dismissed and talked down to like a bully, and even if I was getting paid to play my favorite games I wouldn't put up with such an immature churlish "teammate" like that. I'd play with randos instead He learned you won't leave and he doesn't have to pretend to respect or care for you. You feel comfortable, like it isn't *terrible*.. yet. But are you really happy, now? You deserve respect and love, consistently. Not to be nitpicked when they feel moderately held accountable for bullying words. Alternate, bad advice: if you're unsure that it's merely uncomfortable, introduce him to a mirror of his own experience. Call and treat him the way he does to you, write it off, laugh about him loudly in front of his peer gamers, and see him take it in stride or fully change (protip: it won't)

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For some background, I (20F) have never had a boyfriend since I've always been happy on my own. When it comes to dating, I don't have a strong interest in in pursuing one and kinda have a "if it happens, it happens" mentality around it. For the past 7-ish weeks, I started talking and hanging out with a guy from my apartment complex after meeting him at a party since we had a few artsy hobbies in common. I let him know in the beginning that I've never had a boyfriend and wasn't comfortable with anything fast-paced, so we have been keeping things mostly casual (just some cuddling), and unfortunately, I'm just not feeling it. Seeing as that I've never really had romantic feelings, I quite literally have no idea what they feel like, so I have been pushing to see if I maybe I feel something. After a lifetime of feeling this way, I'm slowly realizing that it's time for some self-reflection to explore the possibility that I'm aromantic or ace. However, I feel horrible about the whole thing. He suffers from anxiety and depression and has also confessed to me that he has Aspergers and that he struggles a lot with being lonely. I tried to hold out to see if I just develop feelings slower, and to see if some of the social awkwardness attributed with his Aspergers would lessen as he became more comfortable with me, but neither has been the case. I'm finding more and more that regardless of whatever my confusing feelings are, we just aren't that compatible and that there are very uneven levels of attraction. He constantly wants to hang out and when we do, I do 80% of the communication and just there isn't much flow to it. I've had to let men down before, but I'm struggling for this scenario because 1) How long we've been talking, 2) The fact that I actually may not experience romantic/sexual attraction to men, and 3) How much he's both directly and indirectly vocalized his desire for a girlfriend. I just need to tell him in person the next time we meet, what do you think is the best way to not hurt him?

As a dude, please be direct. Just say that you’re not feeling it and you wish him the best.

There isn’t really a way to not hurt him as it seems he’s already developed some level of attachment, but the sooner the better, best course is to try to just be nice about it and let him down easy, but make sure you’re clear that there is no romantic attraction on your part, you have the option of exploring friendship but just know that his attachment to you romantically will likely not go away and all I can speak on with that is my experience and for my longterm mental wellbeing it was better when as a teenager if the person didn’t recipreciprocate romantic feelings that they were upfront about it and kept contact to a minimum afterwards, I feel like this guy will want to keep in contact platonically and ultimately then you will have to decide what’s best for you.

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So I met with this guy overseas as part of a tour that he was a guide for, we clicked and it was an instant connection. Fast forward, he contacted me on Whatsapp and we spoke for two weeks and everything was fine. Checking on me multiple times a day, quick replies, we briefly saw each other outside my hotel a few times coz I was there with my fam. We decided to meet a day before my flight back home and things happened between us, it was just perfect. He was good and acted like a gentleman, wanted me to stay in his country for long term or plans about him coming to visit me etc. However, since I landed back home, his behaviour has changed very cold towards me. He took hours to reply or sometimes a whole day and that too, only two messages in 24 hours. Have I been played? How do I confront him? If that’s all what he wanted, why does he still messages me?

He is probably busy hitting on girls in the next tour that he's guiding! Move on!

Sorry.. you have been played. Next trick might be that “he’s in trouble and needs to borrow money” Cut your loss and move on.. treat this as a learning experience.

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Practical Advice

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evaluation

I (19f) met this guy (21m) at a bar last summer and we’ve been talking for almost a year now. I started at college last year so it was obvious our relationship wasn’t going anywhere at the time but we did talk some throughout the school year. On top of that- he is in the military and is only stationed in my area he literally lives across the country. This summer since I’ve been back we have been hanging out like 3 days a week and sleeping over with each-other like 3 days a week. We go on “dates” being movies baseball games really casual dinners stuff like that- almost friend activities. Physically it hasn’t gone very far- we make out, cuddle, I give him head and he has fingered me but that’s it. He hasn’t brought up a future between us and I can tell he views our relationship as really casual. My dilemma is we are both anticipating sex but I have never had sex with someone I have an emotional connection to; only with random club guys I see once. I fear that if we do, I will become attached and would have to deal with that emotional baggage when I leave again for college. Is it wise just to avoid sex for the next two months and just keep it as casual as possible? I want to be more intimate but I have a feeling it’s going to make things more painful for me in the end- especially at this point in our “relationship” . Help.

I don't think no-strings attached sex works for men and even less for women. It's not sustainable (at least wasn't for me). Trust your gut feeling on this. I went against mine and got punished eventually.

(24 M) I personally wouldn’t have sex unless I am in a serious relationship bc I’ve had sex quite recently with someone I was talking to and I got attached and realized our personalities weren’t compatible. I had to end things today bc of that and bc I was attached bc of the sex and our intimate time. All that to say. Save it for someone you are actually dating

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Commentator's opinion

Comment 2

evaluation

I [30 M] met this girl [25 F] at work. From the beginning we had a really great relationship (not romantically), a lot of common jokes and topics for conversation. But we didn't go out with each other outside of work (apart from one time to a place we both liked). I recently found out that she is taking a long leave of absence, after which she does not return to work. I thought this might be my last chance, so I invited her to the place where we first went out after work. She agreed. We had a really great time, she told me about herself and her future plans (we hadn't even shared such information before). The next day she texted me to ask how much money she had to pay me back for yesterday. I said he didn't have to give anything back. Then we exchanged a few messages and now she's silent. The problem is that from the moment she first wrote, the average time for her to respond is 24 hours. She supposedly told me that she had a lot on her mind in the near future: a friend's wedding or a vacation with her parents, but in my head I had a sentence that was usually true: if someone likes you, that person will always find time for you. I'm confused now. Is this some kind of hot and cold treatment or she's simply not interested? Maybe I'm just overthinking? Any intelligent advice and feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Thanks!

Go on another date, and this time, escalate to flirting and kissing if you are comfortable. If she doesn't respond well to that, then you have your answer.

You're trying to have a relationship through your phone. It doesn't work. She'll just meet someone who impresses her in real life. 

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My GF (18F) and I (18M) have been together officially for a year and about 2 years unofficially. First, I have to admit my GF did say that she doesn't enjoy physical touch that much. For example we haven't kissed yet because she finds kissing 'disgusting and weird,' I've accepted it and I'm okay with that. We do have moments of physical touch but I initiate it only, like holding hands and fondling. Even so when we're hanging out at my house she doesn't sit close me (I have to move over towards her) We've talked about it and she says that she doesn't necessarily 'love' the physical touch but she's **okay** with it. Also, we're not very good at communicating. I find it very hard to talk to her about being more physically intimate (and just more personal things about myself in general) For example when we talk about more personal things she changes the subject quickly. What should I do? Should I try to talk to her? Just tough it out? Or start thinking about the end of the relationship? Personally, I feel guilty about wanting more physical affection and that I shouldn't want it since she isn't keen on it. tldr: My GF isn't a very physically affectionate person and I'm not sure how to get more physical affection. (or if i should)

You want physical touch and affection, she doesn't. It sounds like you are incompatible and should probably think about ending the relationship. It sucks, but it doesn't sound like a fixable issue and it will almost definitely breed resentment between the two of you if it hasn't already. Try and be more open about your needs if you haven't properly expressed them already but don't expect her to suddenly change her preferences just because you're being more open. At the end of the day, you both deserve someone who wants the same level of affection. 'Toughing it out' is not a characteristic of a good, happy relationship.

I suggest that you better talk with her seriously first, maybe she just this type of a person who don't like being physical but maybe it's something more deep, idk But conversation it's always a good start and after you can think if there something you together can do to make it feel more comfortable for you and her, or rather it's will be better to end the relationship

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Hello! I (26M) have a question, after ending a long relationship I’ve been trying for a year to find someone to go out with but I think my personality is not attractive, and it even bothers some people. At parties I tend to be more of a clown, people usually laugh at me as much as with me, I am somewhat hyperactive, I involve screams, etc., in everyday life I am not usually like that because I keep myself more busy and focused, but in my free time with friends yes, and I don’t know if the right thing is to suppress that type of attitude or I should continue looking as I am... I read u PS: if this is not the indicated subreddit, I would appreciate it if you redirected me

Every person is different, and they’re going to prefer something different in a man’s personality. You shouldn’t have to suppress who you are to find someone who loves you. They should enjoy you as you are. Wait for someone who does. BUT, also ask people you know and trust if anything you do is considered off-putting. You can always work on social behaviors that people consider inappropriate. If they tell you that you’re good, then don’t worry about it. If they tell you something that you should change, then change it!

A funny man is important, but also try to balance your conversations with light and deep topics. I don’t know if you are looking for a traditional girl, but being a gentleman is generally appreciated by women. Also, dress appropriately for your dates. Good luck

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Why does growing intellectually advance you away from being attracted to the once simple pleasures(looks, gestures, lack of complexity). Find it as i have to get what likes me and not the golden ticket.

wut?

I don’t think you are as smart as you think you are.

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I 29F am pregnant and have been only dating my fiance 34M for a year. We are getting married and things are going good . Due to some bad history I avoided dating and he was my first. The guy is an airline pilot and gone for 17 days a month, which is fine for my avoidant attachment style. He is good looking, smart and gets along with my family. Yet at a family event recently he got sooo drunk, he actually arrived dizzy, and told my cousin some very unkind things about his girlfriend. He called her a sl\*t (she is known for her past of sleeping around in this small community) and warned him that her fat a(ss) will get even fatter after she delivers a baby. Then he said that "his woman has only been with him and even after she gives him a buunch of kids will not look old or gain weight". Now, his woman is me. I found the wording very mean. And also to give him kids. Like a kid is something a wife give to her man? I don't know what to think about all his. He was soo drunk that he spent the night on all fours vomiting in the toilet. My cousin put him in the car and took him to my place. And now some memories come to my mind. I am fit as I hit the gym daily. But during winter I gain a bit of a weight. He was not mean or anything but bought me some jeans that were small, to motivate me lose weight. He said it was a joke but not sure. Also, I am an elementary school teacher and I thought about changing the career for an office job. He wasn't against it but he said elementary school teacher is very nice for a woman.

Are you sure your fiancé is a man and not just a bunch of red flags stuffed into a trenchcoat?? Is this the kind of man you want raising your children? Are these the views you want your future kids to have?

I had a talk with him again, at breakfast. I told him for me it was a big deal what he said and I don't accept to NOT talk about it. I was pretty firm I would say. He acted surprised. I noticed how he stopped his fork near his mouth without putting the food in. But he was open and asked what exactly I want to know. I asked if he thinks women are inferior to men in any way or that our weight is an indicator of our value. I also said I will gain weight during pregnancy. And maybe a lot. He said he doesn't think women are inferior to men, that he was talking about my cousin's girlfriend, not women in generally. But that he will be honest with me and yes, he wouldn't marry a woman who has a big body count, but added that he doesn't look down upon women who have a high body count, it's just his own preference. He said a lot of women wouldn't date a man who has a low income job or any other criteria. And it's fine. Each to their own. He wouldn't mind marrying a woman who wasn't a virgin, but if she had more than 2, 3 guys up to her 30, then he has a big problem with that and he wouldn't seriously date her. And about the weight he said he doesn't mind that I gain weight during pregnancy, that he was talking about women who stay overweight long after giving birth and use the childbirth as an excuse. I should have felt relieved but I didn't and asked him what if I don't lose the extra weight. He said I will, to not worry about it. But LOL I wasn't worrying about it, I was worried about his view on me. And I confronted him further asking if he will cheat on me if I don't lose weight. He again said I will lose it, it's not a big deal. So I asked him directly: would you, would you cheat on me? He said no

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As the title suggests, I can’t get over a guy I dated over a year ago. We were in a “situationship” for 4 months so he was never even officially my boyfriend. Physically, he was everything I was looking for. I was a tan, short, bodybuilding, blonde (22in extensions). He was a 6’4 blue-eyed Italian with luscious locks. I think I was completely infatuated from the start because I told him I loved him after a month of knowing him. I kept imaging what it was going to be like when he finally asked me to be his. I made up our entire life story together and fantasized about all day long. I started getting annoyed that he wasn’t asking to be official and it drove me crazy. I started questioning him and begging for reassurance that he was into me. I asked what I needed to change to be with him Side note, he was addicted to c**e and op******. I completely dismissed that as an issue because I was so obsessed with him. Obviously, things ended horribly. It’s been over a year and I still think about him every day. I try to date, but I always compare people to him (even though he was kind of a loser). I need help. Has anyone been through this? Do you have any advice on how I can get over this and actually find someone?

Take a break from dating and focus your attention on something else like a new hobby, new physical activity etc.  Try making new friends. Not romantic ones, just friends.  If you always think about him, start thinking of negative traits that you saw in him and you'll eventually stop thinking about him at all. 

The real problem you have is u are looking for a copy of him, That's not gonna happen. You have put him on a pedestal; he was on drugs n overlooked it so who knows what else u over looked also him ticking all your "list" boxes doesn't help now your list has a face. Proposed solutions: stop using a list as ur Ex is now the list. Start from scratch the only requirements should be you are attracted to them and they are easy to date, kind etc. Eventually real love will win over your infatuation

Practical Advice

Practical Advice

Comment 2

evaluation

Been dating this guy for six months and we had no problems between us. We had been doing long distance but I used to go visit him but he never took me to where he stayed.we always met in town .we had met a few days ago and there was nothing to warn me so I would say the day was good .the next day some girl calls me and warns me to stay away from this guy and I was so confused. She insulted me and I was too mortified to talk so I just hang up on her. She texts me and all of it was just insults and I was angry so insulted her back. I called the guy the next day and he just said that what the girl said was true .I didn't even cry I just laughed because how much of a coward was he that he couldn't tell me we were over . He texts me and says she is everything he ever prayed for and I didn't know what to say. I felt bad for a couple of days and talked to some friends and I was over him but now I am scared of ever dating again because I don't want to get hurt.. please advice.. And I still think about this guy sometimes but I don't miss him I just feel a pit in my stomach because I couldn't see the red flags

This... was horrible and I'm sorry it knocked you down, but you CAN'T stay down. You have to get back up, collect yourself, and back out there. Because while it's true that the bar is in hell, there are good men out there. Most of us don't want to end up without a relationship and HE isn't worth being your last guy let alone the one that scared you off forever. That girl didn't inherit your man. She inherited your problem. Better it be done now than after 7 years or something insane like that.

> he never took me to where he stayed He may have been your boyfriend. But you were never his girlfriend.

Emotional Support

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Comment 1

evaluation

I (20M) have never had a girlfriend, am a virgin, and have only ever really been on a few dates in high school. I want to try and put myself out there but really don’t know how. I’ve tried a dating app but half the time I don’t get responses. I feel as if I am decent looking and I am fit. I also have job stability being in the reserves and goals as I am a college student trying to become an officer. I don’t have any debt and I feel as if I am in a good financial state. This might sound vague but what’s the best advice for trying to get started with dating as a young 20 year old?

Not sure that alot of my peers consider the reserves as stable career prospects, but the fact your a student with a goal for some type of OCS or OTS is a good long term goal. Just be yourself, open to meeting people and making friendly. If you like someone, communicate that to them sooner rather than later and don't be afraid of the rejection. It just means it wasn't the right person or the right time. Also keep in mind many have opinions on the military that they may consider that a deal breaker. Try not to take that too personally or be offended of that's their reason for not wanting to date.

I started dating through social media platforms. Some time ago, I participated in a private test of a social software called LightUp: Make Real Friends . It matches you with people who share your interests based on your posts and helps you connect. By sharing my daily life on the platform, such as the scenery outside the door, travel places and other content, many interested netizens have interacted with me. We discussed the interesting things in our lives, and I also arranged to meet offline with a few friends I could chat with. My offline dates with these friends have gone very well because of my online chat base.

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She’s also 28, I’ve known her since high school too but only started talking to her again two years ago, and only actually began seeing her in person this year. As for why I’m a virgin, my life went to absolute fucking shit when I was 20. I was in and out mental hospitals for years and I only just finished an associates degree last year. I make 33 per hour which isn’t awful. I’m a hard worker who doesn’t take corporate bullshitting though, so I got promoted fast. This woman was my last loyal friend through these years. Everyone else who wasn’t a family member kind of treated me like a damaged piece of equipment in the friend group (all my guy friends did that especially). I got new friends eventually, thank God. One more thing, if we had to judge her appearance, she is a straight up 10/10. I’m not the only guy who thinks so, I’ve had other guys who asked to see her picture confirm it. I’m worried I won’t have a shot if I’m a virgin but I really do like her and how loyal she’s been since literally 2012. Help me decide here.

I'd be fascinated to hear your plan to change that if you didn't.

I’ll be honest with you, she might just view you as a friend and not as a potential lover but I’ll say this. If you have the balls to man up and let her know that you find her attractive and that you want to be more than her friend then tell her before someone else tries to be her man.

Sarcasm

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evaluation

i know we’re young, we make mistakes. but there’s a lot that still isn’t morally right. (for some context)- me and him have been on and off for the last 7 years or so.. this has been mainly due to immaturity. he cheated on me a couple times and was unloyal during our relationship on and off growing up. however i always excused his behavior for him just being young and not knowing right from wrong. it wasn’t until i moved in 2020 and we finally ended things “for good” and went no contact for a while up until last april 2023. we rekindled and talked here and there but i finally went back to see him in october after not seeing him for three years. fast forward to present day.. we have been dating for the last 8 months. it was amazing at first because we were so happy to reconnect. a month into us dating, i noticed a hickey on his neck that wasn’t from me. (we are currently in long distance and have been since we got together) so you would see how this would be an issue. he played it off like it was nothing and it was a very difficult thing to look past. i went to visit him in late may, and noticed a lot of things. i am not the usual type to go through others phones as i see it as a invasion of privacy, however i felt like my gut was telling me to. I found a collage of nudes from girls that were old, however they were still in his phone in his camera roll. i came across a dick pic in his recently deleted, but it wasn’t ever sent to me. he still has love letters from a past fling, and has yet to dump them. he ABSOLUTELY REFUSES!! to end a SNAPCHAT STREAK with this girl that he’s “good friends” with. It felt like he would rather choose this stupid streak over my comfort in our relationship. he’s been a serial cheater in his past relationships but the delusion in me wants me to think that i am special. i don’t want to come off as insecure, or crazy but this man is rlly making me feel crazy. whenever i bring up problems to him he just lasts seems to approach it with so much aggression and anger. when i bring things up to him i just want reassurance and comfort, as well as clarity. but it just doesn’t go that way. we don’t go on date nights, and he never gets me flowers anymore :( i am just lost and drained

Here's an advice from an older man to a young one. That shit called "gut feeling" ??...yeah...that. Fucking never ever doubt it. Be it in love, family, health or even on random things. That gut feeling thing is a form of blessing straight from big "G" himself. If it says.. "walk" ...then you better fucking run like hell.

It sounds like he still has a cheating heart after all this time. A good partner doesn't make you feel crazy.

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exploration

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for around a year, living together for 6 months. We have, up until now, had an "open phone policy" where our fingerprints are stored on each others' respective phones, funnily enough being her idea. Neither of us actually check the other's phone (never, not once), but it comes in handy for Googling something or changing the music in the car when one phone is more easily accessibly than the other. A pretty good solution, actually. Until yesterday. We were casting YouTube videos from her phone to the downstairs TV, and she went to the toilet, so I grabbed it to queue some stuff up. "Fingerprint not recognised". Interesting. For some more context, my girlfriend struggles with her mental health and is currently going through a lot with trialling different medications and some work-related stuff, I've been struggling too since I've been taking the brunt of it. The last couple of months have been really rough on us both and we aren't getting along as well as we used to, even though we still love each other. There's some light at the end of the tunnel (moving soon to her hometown) but for now, it's a struggle. Now when I think that, to remove my fingerprint from her phone, she'd have had to go into the settings, likely remove all the fingerprints she's got set up (since they're unnamed and she's not the techiest person) and then add her own back on, I get a bit concerned. Open phone policy or not, I feel a little awkward asking about it because I don't want to feel like she has to give me access to anything, even if she has access to mine. My mind is obviously catastrophising about this, she could just as easily be planning to get me a gift or something than she would be cheating or anything like that, but with the issues that we're going through as a couple recently I'm starting to wonder if there might be a legitimate reason to have trust issues. Is it weird that, for the first time since we got together, the only time I want to check her phone is now she's rescinded my ability to do just that?

The gut never lies. Something is definitely wrong for her to suddenly remove it, especially seeing as it was her idea. Better to just ask her or it will eat you up.

Yea that’s a very intentional action taken by her. If you guys are supposed to have the fingerprints set up then you just simply say to her in the least accusatory way “hey babe I think we need to reset my fingerprint on your phone. I went to change the YouTube video when we were casting it to the tv the other day and it said not recognized.” If she instantly gets defensive or even says back to you no then you have something to worry about. I wouldn’t go to worst case scenario right away but keep us posted!

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Practical Advice

Comment 2

exploration

12/31/2019: got married to wife in the US. 5/1/2024: found out wife had been cheating on me with a former friend of mine. Wife denies. We go to friend’s place 4 hrs away to check their evidence. Found solid evidence. Wife claims to be poly and cheats some more. 5/10: Came back home together. Wife behaves repentant and agrees to stop. 5/25: Wife locks self in room and refuses to come out, and then went on a “road trip”. Hint: more cheating. I pretend to not know. She came back just now. I feel happy to see her and unhappy to know what she’s been up to. I still want to see how this goes before proceeding with a divorce.

If you stay with her the cheating will never end. You'll become her doormat. She's gonna promise to stop cheating and she even might for a little while til she does it again. And the cycle will just continue. Please do yourself a favor and get a divorce.

What do you look for now? A divorce attorney

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Sarcasm

Comment 1

exploration

Throwaway because he knows I lurk on here. I (F34) have trouble trusting my boyfriend (M35) after he has cheated in a past relationship. A bit of context: About 4 years before meeting me, my boyfriend had a pretty long relationship (10+ years), which ended up with them breaking up after he realised he wasn't in love with her or happy anymore. They started dating as teenagers and had a break-up in-between, but then resumed dating, which according to him was a mistake. During the second part of the relationship he ended up cheating on her several times. He was reluctant about telling me because he has had a relationship end after 7 months once she found out about it. I can't say I was particularly thrilled to know what about him and I've had times when I start getting paranoid and distrustful. I know the easiest way would be to break up with him, but we've been seeing each other for 3 years now and things are really nice between us. He's never given me a chance to doubt him, but I'm a bit on the anxious side and will spiral sometimes because "cheaters will always be cheaters". I see it is hurting him and the relationship to get constantly grilled about it. He says he was young and stupid and only thought about himself, but he has changed now and wouldn't do that to someone else and that he'd break up before ever acting on something or cheating. I want to believe him and that he's a reformed man, but I also don't want to end up feeling stupid, if he actually does cheat on me. I guess, I need some advice from people that have been in his position and have indeed changed. Is that possible? Or am I being naive? I know in the end there's no 100% guarantee he won't cheat, but I just want to hear some other perspectives. My friends all think like me.

Ultimately, it's your decision to believe he is a changed person or not. So, you can choose to leave or stay. If he seems to really deeply love and care for you, you should take his word. Give yourself a few weeks and then decide how you feel again. I'm sure that came as a shocker to you, but if you rethink about all the times your boyfriend has been good to you, maybe that trust will start to build again. You both have been together for 3 years, within that time did you see any signs of him cheating or having interest in other women? If you trusted him till now, then you should take his word. Its really your decision to trust him again or not. 

Well, you can’t hold it against him now as he hasn’t done anything wrong with your relationship, but (hope not) the time comes where he doesn’t seem “as happy” as before, you do need to be ready for the worst. “Cheaters stay cheaters” wasn’t created for nothing.

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Commentator's opinion

Comment 1

exploration

Summary of the last [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/rEhmaIEG7G): We broke up 9 months ago because he disrespected me, was emotionally abusive, lied, and pressured me for sex. He came back with a long apology and promises, and despite my hesitation, nostalgia made me give him another chance. After 2 days of talking, I felt something was off, so I made a fake Bumble account. Sadly, I found him there, flirting and claiming to be single. While messaging this fake girl, he was also sending me sweet texts. I didn't confront him immediately. Instead, I blocked him everywhere and sent an email saying I lost interest and wished him well, without mentioning the cheating. He replied wanting to stay in touch, but that's not happening. —- Now to the recent event, He reached out again, by email, with the classic “i miss you” message. I’ve been looking at the email and distracting myself with work, and other stuff, but i have to admit, i am in an emotional wreck. I genuinely feel so conflicted and horribly stressed. I want to move on, so badly, and i wanna let go of the thought of him as being my man, and my lover. But he keeps coming back, placing me in the situation where i am so little and out of control. Stupid questions whirling in my mind, but finding answers to them is futile; there is no way that i am taking him back. Yet, this “i miss you” been lingering in my email and causing me pain, loneliness and grief.

He misses having a steady source of sex.

Block his email(s).

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Comment 2

exploration

Why do girls like skinny guys?

From my experience, girls like every type of body. It’s all about preference. I like bulkier guys, and some of my girl friends really like skinny guys. Some girls like a nice medium of the types. I don’t think there’s one reason why girls like skinny guys. It’s just about personal taste.

skinny as scrawny or fit? same reason why most guys like skinnier girls

Commentator's opinion

Commentator's opinion

Comment 1

exploration

There's this girl at my work and I can't help but glance at her whenever she passes by and I feel bad for doing it because I feel creepy. Even admitting it to friends that I like someone makes me feel stupid and/or weird. I don't know why but I suppose me finding a girl attractive and looking at her makes me feel creepy. It's weird, I know, but can anyone help?

Well you did say glance. But one day you going glance so much you going get whiplash. Don’t upgrade to staring it’s definitely creepy especially if you’re saying nothing. Say hi, start a conversation.

You could attempt to communicate your feelings? And not glance and hope they make the first move, cause they will not.

Practical Advice

Practical Advice

Comment 1

exploration

I moved in with my girlfriend four months ago, leaving my 10 year old dog home with my family as I felt it would be unfair to change so much of her life. Unfortunately, yesterday she passed away and I woke up to multiple texts and voicemails from my family frantically saying she was on the verge of death, hoping I'd answer so that I could be there in her final moments. I had to spend the day finding somewhere we could bring her to get her cremated and overall it was a difficult day mentally, and I'm sure it will continue to be as I grieve her passing. My girlfriend at the time was visiting her friends and staying the night for a handful of days so that they could Lan party an update for a game that had just come out. When I told her about my dogs passing she was sympathetic and initially said she'd make plans to come home early and have someone pick her up as she doesn't drive. During that conversation I said that it was up to her if she wanted to come home early or not and that she could stay if she wanted. I wanted her to be able to enjoy the plans she had set and although I would have wanted her home during this difficult time for me, I didn't tell her so. She ended up choosing to stay another 36~ hours and play the game, and her choosing that over me is making me feel awful. I told her the night she came back and her immediate reaction is to shift blame on me saying that I had tricked her by saying it was her decision and that these were plans she had made for a long time with her friends so she couldn't just bail on them. The conversation kept getting more and more aggressive so I slept on the couch instead. I'm just wondering where I should go from here? What you all would feel or say in my shoes, and if I'm in the wrong by not being more upfront that I would have rather had her home to console me.

You told her yourself she didn't have to go back home, so she didn't. If you wanted her home, you should've told her you wanted her home instead of this "if you want" shit

" I said that it was up to her if she wanted to come home early or not and that she could stay if she wanted." You're not in the wrong but you should have been upfront and expressed your need for her to be there. She's isn't in the wrong either as her plans were made well in advance but could have a done better job of being a loving supporting partner & came home and comforted you, even if it was for just a few hours. That said, as a pet owner, I know how hard losing a pet is & you have my condolences for your loss. Having a few sessions with a grief therapist helps as does seeking online support from other bereaved pet owners found in animal/pet loss groups. Were I in your shoes, I would definitely start attending couples counseling sessions w/ a focus on helping the two of you ironing out expectations & improving communication.

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Comment 2

exploration

i've (20F) been seeing this guy (20M) for a month now. we've both agreed we're looking for something casual cause he's only back home for the summer and i don't think i want to be in a relationship rn. we go on the best dates! and get along pretty well and it's been great so far. he also lost his virginity to me...which i didn't mind cause i was pretty new at the game, and we've gotten better together lol. it's been great. now i catch feelings really easy, especially when im intimate with someone, but i've been trying to remind myself it's just casual/ just a summer fling. we don't talk everyday, usually save conversation for when we're together or only text when there's something to talk about. he's a very chill guy, super layed back so i can't really tell how he feels. and i'm a bit shy to ask him. but it's starting to feel not so casual anymore, cause the sex is amazing, and the way he holds me and treats me & and just-omg, it doesn't feel like it's "just sex" or "causal" it feels like so much more, how am i not supposed to catch feelings? & sigh... am i being delusional? like where do i go from here?

i’ve been in a very similar situation before. long story short, if you are starting to catch feelings, and want to pursue something- in my opinion, speak up! on the other hand, if you want to stay casual, either keep going with the flow, or end things if it’s getting too serious.

It’s almost as of engaging in a bonding activity leads to…bonding

Practical Advice

Sarcasm

Comment 1

exploration

For context, I’m an 18F from South Africa, and I went to an all girls school so I really don’t have a lot of experience with boys. I’m very close with my mother and grandmother and I trust their opinions. Recently though, they got on my case about the stretch marks on my thighs, hips and breasts. I got them because I didnt eat or exercise well as a child and my weight fluctuated a lot. They told me that I would feel embarrassed when I went to the beach because boys don’t find that attractive. I’ve come to terms with the marks on my thighs and hips but I’m still very self conscious about the ones on my breasts. I’ve never kissed or dated a guy and want to know from the perspective of any guy that’s older than 16, are stretch marks something you guys pay attention to? And girls, should I look into like cosmetics and stuff to get rid of them or leave the marks as they are?

Your mother and grandmother should be deeply ashamed of themselves for making you feel bad about your body and planting this nonsense in your head. Almost all women have stretch marks---it has nothing to do with eating and exercising, they occur in most skin type when hips and breasts rapidly develop. Some lessen over time and others don't. And men get stretch marks too. It's not a big deal. The vast majorty of men don't give the slightest fuck about stretch marks, they're just happy to be seeing a woman in any state of undress and they're thinking about a lot of things but NOT strech marks. Next time your mother and grandmother try to undermine your confidence you tell them you're sorry they hate their own bodies so much but you love your body just as it is and you walk away. This is THEIR problem. DO NOT own their shit. You are fine just as you are.

I have personally never been turned off by stretch marks. I don't think those are a big concern for looks. I care much more about other things: Like, are you fit and healthy now? That's way more important. Remember also that men aren't a monolith. Most won't care but some men might. You want to find a good match. It's not important that every man on the planet finds you attractive. You just need a portion of them to find you attractive. And that is quite likely.

Emotional Support

Emotional Support

Comment 1

exploration

Hi guys my boyfriend of 4 years confessed to me that he cheated on me on 1st year of our relationship. He said he wants to marry but he couldn't start it without keeping this secret and he bursted out in tears. He said he was scared because he had past bad relationship and when he was falling in love with me it scared him so he went out and had sex with someone else after that he felt disgusted and hated him and knew I was the one. He thought keeping it secret would keep relationship safe but he couldn't keep it anymore as it was killing him. I don't know how to feel I am confused and don't know if I even know him.He said that's the only thing he ever kept secret. The image of him with other women and named makes me sick and disgusted. Also I don't want to throw away 4 years of relationship and good memory.

What a dumb excuse for cheating. "Oh I cheated cause I just loved you to much." Chester's cheat. Hell do it again. Leave. He literally went "oh I knew I didn't want anyone else after having someone else" like wtf

Reddit has taught me you either go to individual therapy and couples counseling to see if you can get over his betrayal and he can understand why he cheated, (prob get better communication skills as a bonus too) or you break up. On the plus side, it was one time and he feels guilt. Also better to decide before a marriage and kids (and def have a prenup where you get more money if he cheats, or whatever the standard clause is so he is clear on the consequences of any future betrayal). Prenups are love - you want both people to be treated fairly even if you grow apart in the marriage. If he wont consider a prenup, which is a benefit to both people, then ex. 4 yrs out of 80yr isnt really a waste. You grew as a person in this relationship, hopefully for the better. So if it was 1 yr or 4 yr, don't let that sway what your gut tells you. Will you be able to trust he won't cheat 1 months from now, 1 year from now, 10yrs from now. And what actions can he and you take to have trust again.

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exploration

My boyfriend m (37) and I f (44) are going to drop acid (psychedelic) tonight and I wondered if anybody had any ideas of some activities we could do to enhance this experience?

I’d ask in r/acid

ER afterwards?

Practical Advice

Sarcasm

Comment 1

exploration

To try and keep this is short as possible I’ve been seeing a girl on and off for 6 months over the last month or two I felt it becoming more serious. However the problem is her feelings towards me change constantly from telling me she wants to go on dates to saying she couldn’t see her dating me. Saying she’s over her Ex ( two year relationship) to that she doesn’t know if it’s over between them. For whatever reason I can’t bring myself to live the situation so I’m really stuck on what to do if I just wait out and see or try no contact even though we speak for hours every day. Just need advice on what I should do.

You're 20. Don't waste your time, move on. Why get yourself caught up in such mindless drama at your age?

I'd stay away from her until she figures her shit out.

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exploration

Hello everyone, My partner (F23) of 6 months currently brags about their sex life with their ex and how they would « make her cry by fingering her so good », how many times they would have sex per day/week, and how long it would last. I (F23) can’t be fingered because or vaginismus and sometimes i force myself to ask my partner to finger me because I feel shitty and stupid compared to their ex. My partner never made a single comment on my vaginismus and stop when I tell them It hurts me when we try. When we have sex it is good, but then they would go talking about their ex. I don’t know what to do because it makes me feel like crap. It’s my first lesbian relationship. I need advice on how I should manage this situation please. Should I try to manage my jealousy or should I break up since it’s hurting me so bad ? Please remember i don’t want anyone to receive hate Thank you xx

Break up. There is no reason to date someone who treats you like this.

Yeah as soon as anyone would "brag" about how good sex was with an Ex I'm out I'd be like ok go back to them then if they're on your mind this much

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exploration

I've never dated anyone who hasn't cheated on me or looked at other girls in that way. I feel like this is the norm nowadays. But I know I'd never have to worry about him cheating, he's truly in love with me and I love that. Plus he wants to do everything for me, make sure I'm happy, wants to make me comfortable and do things I want. Except he doesn't like me talking to male friends we are both friends with, or even go out by myself with my female friends. I know it's not much to go off of but I would like to know some opinions on that alone. The best princess treatment, I've only seen in movies and books but extremely jealous...

He’s not in love with you after “a little over a month”, that’s absurd - google lovebombing And he’s isolating you from your friends after only a few weeks. That’s about as big a red flag as I can think of I would run away screaming from this guy

> I've never dated anyone who hasn't cheated on me or looked at other girls in that way. I feel like this is the norm nowadays. No, it's not. There are plenty of men out there who are faithful. > . Except he doesn't like me talking to male friends we are both friends with, or even go out by myself with my female friends. Set boundaries, tell him that if he doesn't trust you, you're not a good match.

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Comment 2

exploration

My (25F) boyfriend (30M) is from another country. He’s currently traveling back to his home country to go to a friend’s wedding. Our relationship is relatively new and he already had his itinerary for the trip planned, so that’s why I didn’t go with him. He also already had a date to the wedding. His friend of 8 years, we’ll call her Emily. Emily has tried to get with him before. Back when he got engaged to his first wife. He has since divorced the wife, and has not gone to Emily. For this trip, he explained to me that they were just friends and that he firmly laid out boundaries. I didn’t mind. I’m relatively secure in myself. He can have a friend date to a wedding. That doesn’t bother me. He told me that he hasn’t bragged about his new relationship to her because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, but she knows he’s in a relationship. Even still she has firmly communicated that she wants to sleep with him. Now he’s there and he let it slip that they are staying in the same hotel room. I didn’t know this so it blindsided me. He says he thought he told me before. Maybe but I don’t know. Apparently they each have their own bedroom and bathroom so they’re separate. Not only that, but they’re sharing a hotel from Saturday to Monday. I thought he had his own hotel and was just hanging out with her for hikes and then the wedding. I don’t know what to do with this information. I’m very attached to this relationship but it’s new. I want to trust him but not be dumb. He apologized to me and told me he would try to repair. Whatever I needed. I don’t know what to say to that. Originally he was avoiding calling me in front of her to spare her feelings. I told him to call me tonight from the hotel. Not blasting it in front of her face but making sure I exist. I don’t know what to do. What do I say? Tldr - my boyfriend is on a foreign country staying in a hotel with a woman (who we know wants to sleep with him) for 3 days and I don’t know what to do.

“Oh I thought I already told you…” He’s lying and just trying to cover his ass after letting it slip.

>I want to trust him but not be dumb. You are being kind of dumb. He has proof that she historically wanted to sleep with him. They're going to a wedding as a "friend date". Sharing a hotel room and drinking. If you consider any of that acceptable, you're setting yourself up to end up with guys like him. This shouldn't have even been a discussion. He should know better that sharing a hotel room with someone who wants to bang you, that's disrespectful to your relationship. And you're eating all this up: * He told me that he hasn’t bragged about his new relationship to her because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. * Originally he was avoiding calling me in front of her to spare her feelings. He's hiding you from her. Why? Because the interest is there. I would break up with anyone on the spot if they asked me to sleep in the same hotel room with a "friend" that wanted to bang. How brain dead can you be to think another would be remotely okay with this. Your innocence is being taking advantage of.

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Hurtful

Comment 1

exploration

I'm (M25) about to get married to F20 and I'm kinda stressed about being able to get it up in the bedroom - we'll be losing our virginity on the wedding night. My friend is a doctor and I told him about my stress, and asked him if Viagra was an option for me. He said just buy Viagra Connect from the pharmacy without a prescription and keep it at the bedside table for peace of mind so I know I have a "backup option". So I bought a pack of 50mg Viagra Connect and tested one out just to see if it would actually work (it did). I have two questions which made me post this to see if I can get some answers: 1. Would it be weird/off-putting to a girl if I took this Viagra connect on my wedding night? I'm planning on being completely upfront with my wife, explaining to her that I'm nervous and a medical professional recommended this to me. I don't plan on using it my entire life, just the rare "special occasions" like this so that I have that extra confidence boost. 2. I don't know how you're supposed to get an erection with your wife in the first place. Does she just touch my penis until it gets big and then I perform the intercourse? This always confused me because I hear people online saying they can get one just by looking at a girl, etc. - but that never happens to me. Very rarely do I get an erection by thinking of something and not touching myself. TL;DR - I'm nervous about losing my virginity on my wedding night and don't know how intimacy works.

You definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about this, and tell her your worries. Personally, I wouldn’t take the viagra straight away on your wedding night when you’re about to get into sex. The build up to intercourse should get you excited and erect. And by build up I mean making out, touching each other, giving each other foreplay first. You definitely shouldn’t go straight into intercourse without giving each other abit of foreplay beforehand because your partner won’t get excited enough and won’t be aroused and will make intercourse painful for her, especially since it’ll be her first time.

For your number one, I'm going to be honest, if she's as ill-informed as you are about human sexuality, she may misunderstand and think you depend on the pills. I would take it because it helps your confidence and not mention it to her. For number two, you need to focus on romance and foreplay. Recognize that at least half of women don't have an orgasm from just penis in vagina sex; they need clitoral stimulation. Focus on making her feel good; If she's not really wet, she's not ready. Don't worry about your boner. It will be there when you need it.

Practical Advice

Practical Advice

Comment 1

exploration

I’m already 32 and I’m the perpetually single friend. I’ve had a bit of a bad streak with dating, everyone I meet and date either aren’t interested, emotionally unavailable or something else getting in the way such as moving overseas for work. Keen to hear from formerly perpetually single people who eventually settled. How did you keep sane and going? I feel like a failure for being this late in life still not having someone to come home to.

I just turned 33 and ended my nearly 5 year relationship because I realized our values aren’t aligned and I was worried if we took the next step I would feel like I settled. Prior to this I was single for 5 years. Now I am working on not repeating this same mistake, listening to the dating intentionally podcast has been helpful to feel hopeful again about re-entering the dating world. Don’t settle.

I’m 32 and super single too! You’re not a failure and definitely not alone in this. There are hard days where I feel very lonely and other days where I feel so hopeful that this great life I created for myself will be shared with my person. Each new day is full of possibilities, you can meet the man of your dreams tomorrow. Just keep your heart open and never ever settle! The right person is out there and will be everything you dreamed of plus more ❤️

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Emotional Support

Comment 2

exploration

My friend didn’t show up to my birthday party. I planned it about two weeks ago and she came to my house in the morning before my party to do her hair and she said she is going to a cricket match with her friend so she might be a bit late. So i said thats ok. I got to my party and i told the rest of my friends that she will be late (there was only four of us and we had gone to an arcade). Half way through the arcade she didn’t come and i tried calling her and sending her messages. Then i had dinner reservations and we all went for dinner and I still hadn’t her from her. We finished at 10:30 and i was home by 11pm. And as I was walking home from the train station she called me and she said she went to the after party for the match with her friend and didn’t realise the time. At that point she had asked if she could stay over at my house because it was almost midnight and there were no trains back to her house late at night. I didn’t feel comfortable for her to have no where to stay as it was getting late. So she ended up staying over. I’m not sure whether this is ok. I did find it a bit rude that she didn’t make an effort to come to my party but then asked to stay over at my house. I don’t know if i should just distance myself from her? Her grandma also passed away a few weeks ago and her family lives abroad and i took time out to take her to the airport as well as pick her up from the airport too. And also on her birthday she wanted to go away for a few days and I took time off from work to celebrate with her.

This is not a friend

She’s very selfish. Trust your gut, she’s a taker.

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Comment 2

exploration

Last night during dinner, my husband (40m)and I (43f) were talking about another couple in his family and their financial situation. Mostly because of my curiosity about how their situation works because the wife doesn’t have a job. In the course of that conversation, my husband said very casually “we could replace your contribution to the family for $36,000.” He then went on to elaborate that there’s a range between about $34,000 and $39,000 that he values as my financial value to the household. I have a six figure job. He pays our mortgage, utilities, and all the subscriptions like the streaming networks and club memberships and annual pass stuff for the kid. I pay for our groceries, our kid’s daycare, and our health insurance. We each pay our own debt. Mine is in student loans. His is in business financing and personal credit cards. We each pay for one vacation per year. I said “i don’t think that’s right. I’m the one putting money into a 401k, I pay my student loans.” He said “sure. But those are your accounts. Both are pre-marital and I’m talking about money that benefits the family. What I’d have to replace if we didn’t have your income.” Should I be worried about divorce? He knows, off the top of his head, what he’d have to do to replace me and he didn’t figure taking my debt into account. I sometimes wonder about our finances because we’ve never consolidated. We each have our own checking and savings. Our credit cards are separate, except one of my Christmas gifts was an Amex card on his account so I could get the travel perks when we’re traveling separately. About once a month he shows me his financials, usually his credit score, debts, and cash on hand. But we never talk about a budget. He’s never asked to see mine. Sometimes he will make reference to the fact that I’m over investing in my 401k and IRA because he sees them when he does our taxes. Our marriage hasn’t been great in a while. I’m working on it and got some good advice from this community. But I’d never really thought he might surprise me with a divorce until last night. Is it odd that he knew that number off the top of his head? Should I be worried that he’s got a plan that so easily severs me from our family? TLDR: my husband seems to have a plan to live without me. Should I be worried he’s planning to leave?

If doesn’t sound like a plan with intent. He’s just done the math because your relationship hasn’t been great. There is a difference between knowing what you would do and wanting to do it. Additionally, you both live like single people being married. So it makes his math easier to him. No point worrying because it won’t change anything. Focus on the relationship where you can.

Do you feel able to talk to him about this? Perhaps ask him how he's feeling in the marriage, express your concern about what he said?

Practical Advice

Practical Advice

Comment 2

exploration

So I’ve been on two dates with this girl. We hit it off instantly, make each other laugh heaps, share interests, and there’s undeniable chemistry. It’s really rare that I meet someone so gorgeous that I connect with so well, and so naturally I’m super into her. After our last date she made clear she’d be busy for the next several days. Fair enough. Up to this point, all signs were good. Here’s the thing. We were having a casual conversation over text after, and I asked her a pretty casual question (how was work?). It’s been two days with no response. One part of me thinks this is no big deal, and the other is freaking out because it’s possible I’m being ghosted. On one hand, she did say she was busy and all other signs point to stuff being fine. On the other, two days is a pretty long time and she’s been viewing my instagram stories and stuff so it’s not like she’s not on her phone. Generally my attitude is “if they wanted to they would” but damn. I just really want to keep seeing her and I’d be so bummed if this turned out to be a ghost situation. What do we think? I absolutely hate double texting so I’m going to just wait and see if she replies, but I’m just not sure if this is cause for alarm. Cheers

I’m a woman, and when I get busy, I pause on texting because I need to Focus. I’d say don’t be alarmsd

Viewing Instagram stories or scrolling on your phone is passive, answering questions and texting is not. Sometimes people don't have the mental energy for a conversation and may put it off. Give it some time to see if she replies or not.

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Practical Advice

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exploration

So I have a friend with benefits. We were friends before we hooked up. We first slept together last Sunday. We hung out all week except two days. I told him I liked him and he said he liked me too… though he said he didn’t want anything serious and was resistant. I asked him to come over yesterday and he said he was tired. That makes sense because he worked all day. I am wondering if I should see if he wants to come over tonight. Should I wait for him to text or just go ahead and text him?

You say FWB but sounds like you want a relationship lol

Girl don’t do it!!! This isn’t a friends w benefits. You already have feelings and he told you he doesn’t want anything serious, do you really want to go down the road to a situationship??

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Practical Advice

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exploration

Just as the title says. This is one of the reasons I broke up with him, but my ex boyfriend shared it with his friends after he said he wouldn’t. I asked him not too. The picture was focused on my chest. He was in it too. His face was showing, and his hands were covering my n*pples. You can see the rest of my chest though, and the picture was when we were having sex. I’m obviously hurt, and feel disrespected for disregard of my privacy, but I can’t help to feel like I’m wavering back and forth between having a perfectly valid response to a nude being shared without my consent or if I overreacted - sometimes I think to myself that “you can’t even see my n*pples, so no big deal.” The relationship is over, and I’m not going back, but I just need some validation that this is a huge deal breaker.

It is a deal breaker. You are right to feel this way.

That’s super, super shitty and grounds for breakup. Any guy that that is ok violating that level of trust with their girlfriend isn’t deserving of a girlfriend. Also, it’s always wise, early in the relationship to state your position on these matters. As sad as that is to say.

Emotional Support

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Comment 1

exploration

this guy (M 20) that im talking to (F 20) told me that when he was a teenager he cheated on his girlfriend at the time. i’m not sure if i want to continue talking to him. he said he has complete remorse and that he was just a teenager, and that loyalty is one of the most important pieces in a relationship. does cheating in your teens once, mean you’ll cheat again in future adult relationships?

No, I cheated in my 20’s. I deeply regret it and learned a lot about myself and life afterwards.

this is why anyone who ever cheated don't ever talk about it or admit it this is why in general guys don't open up or admit any flaws. where most guys will be compassionate about mistakes most girls do in the past, this doesn't seem to be the case the other way around if someone cheated and they understand what they did was wrong and have figured out why they went that route and how a different path was better they are in a good position. if you don't think people ever change then why are we even talking about mental health and going to therapists to "heal trauma" would just be a giant waste of time.

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exploration

I've been in a happy relationship with a guy for almost a year now, we've been known each other for much longer. His ex broke up with him last summer but presumably he got over her before we started dating. We did not have any problems so far, we talked about his past relationship numerous times and he made sure he is over her. I did not see any red flags or anything, he didn't mention her or anything, I didn't see him looking at her profile or so. In short, nothing concerning However, recently, we have been cleaning the house and he found a postcard she wrote him for his bday. He put in in the folder. I asked him if he wants to throw it away and he told me that he keeps all the letters and cards from his exes and never throws them away. However, he said he doesn't reread them, go over them etc, just does not throw them away. I know that I should not judge people by myself but if I know that I don't want to read it, why keep it? I feel kinda uncomfortable knowing that there is a folder somewhere in the box with all the romantic things his exes were writing him but I can't make him throw it away too. I asked him what the reason is for that and he seems like he doesn't know himself, he keeps saying "I am doing it since high school and I don't want to change my tradition". He compared it to not deleting the conversation with your exes, he said "well you did not delete it, didn't you? But it is equally personal as the cards, isn't it?" I did not know how to react, the chat does not feel the same as the love letters of course but... I dont know what to think, is it my issue or problem that I am worried about it? Should I just accept?

You should not do anything. Keeping letters or cards from an old girlfriend doesn’t mean he’s still loves them, it just means that he values what they gave him and the time he spent with them. Looking at old love letters where a past partner complemented him might boost his self-esteem. keeping old love letters is way healthier than having to burn everything given to you in a relationship once it’s over. If things are good in your relationship and you want to continue, maybe you should ask him what he values about letters/cards. Maybe you should write him notes/letters/cards for birthdays, telling him what you love about him.

It's totally personally opinion. I have everything all my ex's ever gave me; it doesn't mean anything at all and I don't even look at them specifically, just come across them occasionally when looking for something else. They have happy memories associated with them, even though the relationships have ended (which I am eternally glad about). Unless he gives you a specific reason to be suspicious I really wouldn't worry about it.

Practical Advice

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Comment 1

exploration

Actually, I (F53) know the answer; I just have to cut this off. But still I have doubts. So please provide your advice with explanation. I went on 2 dates with a man who, in theory, was a good fit for me. What are red flags for me; he (51) has never been in a relationship and I found out yesterday that he doesn't seem to have any friends either. I also got the feeling that he was trying to pressure me to quickly schedule a new date with him after the first date by indicating that he had a date with another woman but that he wanted a second date with me first. I then said that if he wanted to date someone else, he should do so. But I don't think there was anyone else. But the problem is mainly that he is terribly physical. Within 10 minutes of the first date he was constantly seeking physical contact. Sitting too close to me (read: sitting against me), touching my hair, shoulders, arms, sitting and things like that. And his talking mainly consisted of giving me compliments, which is also awkward. When saying goodbye he also tried to go a little further, but I was able to hold that off. Now we went to a festival together. First he introduced me to his parents (he still lives at home) and we had a drink with them, which I thought was strange for the second date. At the party itself I was more concerned with guarding my boundaries than enjoying the music. He was constantly touching me, pulling me against him, trying to press my buttocks against his crotch, etc. Very uncomfortable. If I pushed him away, he would stay away from me for a moment and then sit next to me again. And just keep giving compliments. I was dreading the moment of saying goodbye and sure enough... he immediately pushed his tongue deep into my mouth. I abruptly pushed him away and said that he was going way too fast and that he should slow down so I can relax too. He indicated that perhaps he wanted it too much. In retrospect I should have said something different; His behavior on both dates doesn't make me feel safe with him. The fact that I dread saying goodbye because I'm afraid he will assault or even rape me is an important sign. He can say that he accepts a No, but his behavior says otherwise. So another question; What should I say to him in a text to make it clear to him that I don't want to date him anymore? I hope he can learn something from it.

This is a hard one because he sounds incredibly lonely. On one hand, you kinda want to help the guy out on what Not to do on a date. He definitely needs some dating advice. But he also needs to find someone who will love him for who he is... even if it's a bit on the creepy side. People tend to push their own needs on to others... he needs affection,physical touch, and words of affirmation. I don't think you speak the same love language, and that's a good enough reason and a gentle letdown.

Tell him it’s not about accepting a “no” to stop but getting a “yes” to start. He’s not entitled to touch someone everywhere and anywhere because they accepted a date.

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Sorry, this is my first post. We've been together for 8 months now, long distance. I was diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD on December 2022. I let her know of my disorders and she seemed pretty understanding, telling me that it didn't matter. It's important to acknowledge she has BPD. But now I feel like I'm ruining our relationship due to my disorders. The main problem is me ignoring her. Sometimes I'll just be spoken to and I won't realize, or I won't understand that I'm supposed to respond. This has been going on since we started dating. It barely ever happens when we're alone, but when other people are present it gets way worse. I'll just forget that I'm part of the conversation unless I'm spoken to and reminded plenty of times that I'm supposed to speak. I've tried reminding myself in a variety of ways, but it always happens again. We've had plenty of arguments about it, I always promise I'll change but I just end up doing it again. Today I think it's her last straw. I ignored her again because I didn't know how to respond to what she said. I understand it triggers her a lot because of past trauma, but I really can't help it, it's beyond me. I honestly don't understand if there's something im doing wrong. I want it to work, but I just feel like I'm ruining everything with things that I can't do anything about. Is there any way I can stop this from happening? tl;dr: im ruining my relationship by ignoring my partner because of my autism and i dont know how to fix it

so i wouldn’t say your ruining your relationship, but it’s important to acknowledge that autism is going to make relationships atypical. my bf is/was the same way, we had our share of fights about it too. it took understanding on both of our parts to finally reach a “happy” place. i put happy in quotes bc bc when i have to give him room to be quiet, i can get annoyed and it’s tough to keep it together yk? but we both work at it, right? when i see hes frozen up, i start to ask questions he can answer like “do you need a minute to think” or like asking him to just say the 1st things that come to mind and just kind of working together from there((even if im pissed)). i just have to take a step back and listen to him and figure out what’s next. he’s got a bad problem w going mute and not listening when he just doesn’t know what to say to/about a situation or when he’s focused, and that got old after like the 1st year together. i’m a human at the end of the day, and it felt dehumanizing to be shut out like that. he listened to me when i brought it up and asked how to be more attentive, and just kinda tried harder over the years? im sure it took A LOT of personal work for him to start trying to make changes to a p ingrained behavior, but he’s definitely changed and like noticeably? it wasn’t instant by any means! like we’re about to hit 6 years in august and im sure it’s happened a handful of times, but now when he’s feeling overwhelmed or stuck he says that or asks what i need, instead of nothing. we only argue a handful of times a year so communication is really the key.

Are you on meds or anything? You should consider therapy. It’s good you’re putting in efforts to change instead of being ignorant and inconsiderate

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So, there's this young woman in the dance class I've been taking for a few weeks. She is very nice and pretty and I really like her. The problem is, I think she's way out of my league. I'm 21 years old and still in the middle of my bachelor's degree and far from finishing it. I don't have a lot of money, I look average and I'm not particularly stable in life. The young woman, on the other hand, is 23 years old, two years older than me (I think most women don't like younger men). She is currently completing her master's degree and is otherwise very stable in life. Nevertheless, we get along well, even if we have only had purely platonic conversations so far. The conversations don't just come from me, she also often initiates conversations and asks questions. I think that means at least that she doesn't find me completely repulsive. My concern, however, is that she sees me more as a little brother than as a potential partner (I'm not only younger but also smaller than her). I've never asked a girl out before, so I'm very afraid to ask her. I'm afraid that it will come across as strange and ruin the atmosphere between us and in the course. Do I even have a chance with her or should I concentrate on myself and be stable in life before I look for a partner?

sure there are times when we can say, we're not in a good spot to be dating or be in a relationship. but usually that refers to emotional health or financial situation. and even with a financial hardship, there are still people who can meet and date and do activities together, as long as you both do things within your budget. and even people who are not ready emotionally or mentally, still date and find partners too. what you described about yourself, is totally fine to be getting out there and looking for a partner. they just might somehow sabotage their own relationship but at least they're still looking and getting some. a good chance to ask her out is when the class is almost over. say something like "hey it was fun talking to you, i'd like to get your contact info and ask you out sometime" be explicit with the asking out , instead of something potentially neutral like "hanging out" or "catch up sometime" so that you can know if she's interested or not. if she's not, no biggie, just move on. it would be worse to still be seeing her outside of the class and still be interested in her but not knowing for sure if she's interested in you, in the case that neither one of you makes a definitive move or in the case that she actually does think of you as a little brother and is OK to meet you but you're over here thinking when can you hold her hand or kiss her.

The only way you will know is to ask her out. If you want to catch fish you need to go fishing. You have just as good a chance as anyone else. If you don’t shoot your shot I can tell you rn your chance is zero. If you’re concerned about potential awkwardness wait until the last class to ask her out. Keep it simple. Ask her if she wants to get coffee or drink after class.

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I’m (m)17 after a month of talking with her I thought she was the one she was perfect we had everything in common but she started to not text me often so I asked if she still liked me she told me I’m a good person but she doesn’t see me in her future cause she’s always busy could I still get her back if I give her time and come back?

Find someone else bro who values you, life’s to short to wait on people. Go live your life and if it’s meant to be she’ll be back

No. She said she didn't see you in her future but it's not because she's that busy. People make time for people they care about. So she was partially honest. She doesn't see you in her future because you're not her type and she wanted to let you down as easily as possible. You need to move on even though it hurts.

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Hi, I (23m) know that this topic is often discussed here. There is a woman in my courses, and we have exchanged a few words. I really enjoy our conversations, so I messaged her if she would like to meet up for a cup of coffee, and she agreed immediately. I haven't communicated this as a date. Would it be appropriate to give her some flowers when we meet, as a nice gesture? I don't want to rush things. I've never had a date before, so any advice from your side would be helpful :)

Personally, no, don’t bring flowers. Wait until the relationship becomes more established and intimate before bringing gifts such as flowers for her.

No, not on a coffee date

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context: my boyfriend has a problem watching porn. we've discussed this in the past. he's into some really fringe stuff that i find absolutely disturbing and disgusting. i told him it makes me uncomfortable that he's watching that kind of porn while we're together especially bc he hid it from me in the beginning. i originally he was into that stuff by accident. i found it by looking through his reddit account after he sent me post. he told me it was a fetish he used to have but went away. a few months later, i found more of that porn that was viewed recently. i was so hurt he lied to me and i was disgusted by the images i saw. it nearly ended our relationship but i said id give him another chance if he promised to not watch porn of any kind. we talked about it and concluded he may have a porn addiction. i gave him the opportunity to tell me if he was struggling with it, to tell me first and i wouldn't be mad or leave him. basically while i was grossed out by his taste, i was mainly hurt that he lied to me for months. i even asked him multiple times through the follow months how he was doing and if he was okay. he always said it was easy and he wasn't struggling at all. then yesterday we were talking and i looked through his internet history, and i found that damn subreddit in his recently viewed. i know im shitty for going threw his history but i had been burned before and my intuition was telling me something was wrong. i turned the phone towards him and asked why that was there and he instantly started denying it and begging me to stay with him. but i yelled at him and told him to give me space and shut the door on his face. i haven't spoke to kin since. i don't know what to do, ive just been cry v all day. i feel so betrayed and confused. i can't look at him the same way, i can't even think about him the same way. where do i go from here? i don't know how to forgive him or if i even want to. all trust is gone. the first time nearly broke me, i don't deserve this and i don't want to break up with him but im starting to think that the only option tldr: my boyfriend lied to me about watching what i consider deprived porn... again. i feel betrayed and hurt

How to end a relationship! If you don’t want him doing it behind your back, let him be more flexible. Because you said no, he wants to see if he can get away with it. Allow the watching & it won’t be as fun.

You set boundaries about what you are willing to accept and what you won’t accept and he broke those. Time to end things.

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Should I tell this girl (18F) that her bf (24M) cheated on her with me (21F)? So I (21F) was talking to this guy (24M) I was head over heels for a couple of months. As context, I had been crushing on this guy for about a year before we started talking and flirting with each other so I was really into him. There was definitely something strange and I had an intuition that something was off, but I really liked him so I brushed it off. I found out that he had a girlfriend (18F) by accident and confronted him about this past winter. Initially he kind of brushed it off, asked what I was talking about. But eventually he kind of admitted to it and tried saying that we were only friends so it didn’t matter and pretending nothing ever happened between us. It was very strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. We didn’t talk for a couple months after that. Fast forward to a couple months ago, we started talking again in a friendly matter. At this point, I didn’t really see a problem in being platonic with him, so we were just friendly. But he started to flirt again. I initially assumed (stupidly) that things between him and his gf must have fizzled out. As it turns out, he was still involved with her, but still flirts with me constantly. It’s a very strange feeling and I don’t really know what to do. I still care about him and I don’t think he’s a terrible guy, just a bit of a player. I don’t know if I should tell the girl and send her screenshots. On one hand, I’m afraid of losing him since I really do care about him. On the other hand, I do feel bad for this girl and I think she deserves to know. What’s the best course of action?

I think you should ignore him and move on. He clearly has a girlfriend, and hasn’t broke it off with her. Don’t be the side chick that’s a big no no but when it comes to telling the gf, you could, but you don’t know if she might still stay with him. There’s plenty of other guys in the sea that are mature and honest. And don’t hide their gf lol

This man is worth losing. He doesn’t respect you or his girlfriend. Someone who respects you shouldn’t put you in a position like this in the first place. If they did, if they respected you, they surely wouldn’t put you in this position twice. That tells you his character, & you should believe what he’s shown you. It’s fair to tell his girlfriend, but she’s young (& even people decades older do this) so I’d be prepared for her to A) not leave him B) blame you.

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ok so there’s this guy at my gym who i have been crushing on for a while now. we would pretty much have the same exact workout schedule and would see each other 24/7. we would park close to each other, and make-prolonged- eye contact. so one day i finally got the courage to go up to him as we were both leaving and give him a compliment about his car (bc it was obvious he’d modified it). his response wasn’t that great. he said “oh ok thank you” not rude, not overly nice, just kinda neutral. after that i was pretty defeated. its been about a month since then and ever since he has not stopped looking at me. at first i was very harsh on myself like “omg why did i do that, there’s no way he would’ve liked me” (based off his answer) but now idk we make eye contact so much that i could be standing still, but if he’s walking his eyes are following me the whole time… he gives off a shy vibe for sure from what I’ve gathered and now looking back on our interaction, i think i caught him off guard? but also why hasn’t he came up to me, if ive already opened that door for him too… maybe i wasn’t direct enough, and is it potentially worth it to risk trying again? all in all, i feel like if he was completely repulsed by me, he wouldn’t be staring at me so much? idk i go back and forth, i just don’t want to get it wrong.

As a dude I genuinely don’t know how to react sometimes when I’m not expecting a compliment or attention, especially at the gym/grocery store etc where I’m doing my own thing. He might also be into you but just gets shy. Maybe give him a bit to see if he warms up to you, if it’s been a week or two or whatever I say shoot your shot again. Not much to lose here imo

You probably caught him off guard. Maybe he’s shy. This same thing kinda happened with my gym crush. I was heading inside one day as he was leaving the gym and I complemented his tattoo, because we both really like the same band and all he said was “Thank you” without smiling. Looking back, I realize that I was nervous when I said it and didn’t give him enough time to say much else. I was rushing in and as soon as I complimented him, I put my headphone back in lol.. You’re right. If someone wasn’t interested, they wouldn’t be looking at you or in your direction so much. Especially at the gym. If he wasn’t at least slightly interested, any time you’d look at him or in his direction, he’d be completely focused on his work out and your eyes would rarely meet

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Please read!! I F20 and my bf M20 have been together for almost 2 years now and also have a 6 month old baby.. Before moving in together we had a good sex life (looking back now it was mainly while we were drunk on weekends), we moved in together a few months into my pregnancy and all was good. We still had regular sex up until a few weeks before the birth of our baby. Since then I would say I could count how many times we’ve done it on both hands. I constantly feel like I have to beg for it and he always has an excuse! Since moving in together I’ve had a funny feeling about something and thought he might be cheating to which he denied. A few weeks ago I went on his phone as I’ve never been able to shake this feeling, I look on his history of Reddit and it was 95% filled with “femboys” porn and girls with dicks! I had a look again tonight and it was filled with the same!!! I thought the first time he might be gay or bisexual but I talked myself down and told myself he must be having a joke with the boys?!… but since coming across all that again I really think he might be. How do I know for certain or am I just being nieve? How do I address this? I need help!!

Hes most likely bi sexual and was embarrassed to share that with you. The question is ... is this a deal breaker for you? Be warned tho.. how you choose to approach this will set the tone for the rest of your relationship.

I don't think means gay. We talk open and share everything but one thing he won't even play along with is anything at all with another guy but we found out in one fantasy hot babe with huge tool and that way she has girl stuff and I have.....just huge cocks. Lol.ake sense

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I (M) am getting married and we’re waiting till marriage. I’ll admit my sex education is very poor, nobody ever taught me when I was a kid and I had to Google everything myself. What I’m about to ask may sound like common sense, but please keep in mind I’m a virgin, I’ve never sexually touched a woman before, and I guess I’m worrying quite a lot about this: When a man is with a girl and he wants to perform PIV, how does he get an erection? 1) I’m told by various sources that as a young man in his 20s, I should be able to get it up just by looking at a girl … I don’t think this has ever happened to me. 2) I don’t know if this is true or not, but I heard from a lot of people that masturbating a lot causes you to condition yourself to only get erect by stroking yourself, which is why I’m not able to get one just by looking at a girl - is this true? If a woman stroking a man’s penis is normal to get him an erection, then I’d feel a lot better knowing this is how you’re supposed to get erect. 3) If I want to take Viagra as a one time confidence booster on my wedding night, then I should hide it from my wife and not let her know, since “she will be traumatised that her newly wed husband has to take medicine to get it up for her” - is this really true? I was planning on being open with my wife since I assumed communication and not hiding anything is healthy. Tl;dr Can I please just get an answer to the above 3 points and a comprehensive guide on how this all works and what a man and woman need to do to get the man ready for sex.

Are you allowed to talk about sex before marriage? Most people who wait till marriage are rock hard just holding hands with their fiancé. Does the idea of sex get you excited? If you don’t masturbate and you are straight, the idea of sex should cross your mind similar to the idea of your favorite food when you’re hungry. If this isn’t the case, maybe you REALLY want to have that conversation with this woman before you get spiritually bound to her for life.

Sex is a beautiful expression of love. I waited as well. It's normal to be nervous about your first time. Your fiance is also nervous as well. Instead of focusing so much on the mechanics of sex, focus on the meaning and why you're having sex in the first place: to make each other feel special and loved. If you're going to be having sex, you have to get comfortable talking about sex with your partner/spouse. When you do actually have sex it likely could be a bit awkward the first few times, and that's okay. Have fun. Explore. The best sex is had between two people who enthusiastically consent and openly communicate before, during, and after sex about what makes them feel good, how they like to be touched, what excites them, and how excited they are to please their partner. If you're nervous or scared, talk to her about everything and ask her how she's feeling. Remember, sex isn't just about PIV, getting an erection, or ejaculation. It starts way before it gets to that point. Making yourself and your partner feel stimulated, flirting, foreplay, etc. all start before you ever get to the bedroom. Porn is not sex, and it is not a healthy way to prepare for sex with your wife. This might be a good article to help you: [10 Tips From a Sex Therapist ](https://www.healthline.com/health/advice-from-sex-therapist-common#10.-Prioritize-your-time)

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I (28m) went on a date over the weekend with this guy (25m). We had a great time, chemistry was electric ect. After dinner we ended up going back to my house and watched a show I was talking about and cuddled. Throughout the night he mentioned multiple times about wanting to see each other again, wanting to cook for me, wanted me to show him one of favourite shows, things along those lines. He left, said we should catch up again soon, and I messaged after he left saying had a great time, again he said he hopes to see me soon. Said I’d love to, hoping he’d follow up with a when you free but he just liked the message and didn’t hear from him at all since. It’s only been a day, but I’m used to almost constant convo with people I’m interested in/interested in me. He works a lot, so know he is a busy guy. When should I reach out again? Been a while since I’ve done the whole dating thing and this guy has different behaviours than previous people I’ve talked to.

Ideally, you should set up the second date DURING the first date, not after.

Dude, I guess that depends on how many other people you want to give a chance to be with her before you get back to her ! always immediately

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I'm (21F) generally not one of the best looking people out there. I've never get any attention when I'm out and about at all actually. Very tall and skinny. My goals in life are to become a rich cat lady. And it would be very cool to find someone I really like but I don't think that will happen in this day and age. But I know it's important to date while your young so that's what I attempt to do. So I start using the dating apps. However my dilemma is when I tell someone I know I am going on a date or I have a partner, it is almost as if it's a joke or I'm lying. And yes this could mean they could just be shocked and suprised in a good way. But when the guys I do talk to or date eventually leave for some else, maybe it's true. I feel embarrassed in way thinking after going through the process of dating. It kinda just proves the point of why are you going on dates bruh when you look like this. They are right.

Don’t let it get you down. Keep trying and someone will click

Dating apps are shit. There's only weirdos and assholes on it. Find a some hobbies that make you in contact with guys. Become friends with them to enlarge your social circle until you meet someone proper. No need to mention you should maximize your appearance because I hope it's obvious. Your issue is that your generation stick too much on virtual shit. Back in my days, really ugly girls (which I bet you aren't, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned you not being attractive so casually...) still had plenty of partners. Because they still went out.

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Yo so for the past month and a half I've been talking to this girl, we've been calling every night since day one and we've been on a couple dates that went well. The thing is, since maybe the beginning of this week, she's started getting dry on calls, up until now she'd talk for hours on end non-stop, but now im finding myself starting most of the conversations and they aren't lasting long. Should I try calling less like not every single day, ig 'absence makes the heart yearn', or should I try talking to her. Or should I just give up and start talking to someone else?

First of all, the initial phase, the first couple of weeks or even up to 3 months, is often the moment things don't work out. I wouldn't invest that much, talk all the time, give that much attention to a girl, you have met a few times, a girl you know for a couple of weeks or months. Because, you don't know anything about her yet. And, as I said, that is often the stage where things break off again after just a few dates. Furthermore, giving loads and loads of attention, talking daily, texting nonstop, talking on the phone for hours can quicky burn through an initial attraction. You soon become just a pan pal. And, you might have noticed, that a lot of women have a plethora of such 'guy friends'. Guys, and ppl at large, they talk to every day online or even offline. And, you also wanna check if you survive the first couple of months with a girl to see if it and if she is even worth it to truly focus on her so much. Don't make chicks the center of your life, specially not right away. Overinvesting is often a good way to lose the attraction women initially had. Because, they experience that so often. 24/7. They basically drown in men's (sexual, or 'friendly') attention. Specially those women that are active on social media, insta and dating apps. It also matters how you met a girl. Women on dating apps are quite likely to not only talk to multiple men, but to meet and sleep with multiple men. If you 'approach' a woman online, e.g. on insta or match with her on tinder, then you have to assume, that she is talking to a variety of men, and most likely fucking at least one other guy on the side. So, to go full into the cliche: A woman active on insta and dating apps, preferably also tatts all over the body, and she likes to party and goes clubbing.... Let's just say, the probability that you will build anything serious with such a woman is low, to say it diplomatically. And, a woman not (very) active on social media, is not on dating apps, has a private insta account, rather hangs out with 2 or 3 good friends and her family instead of going clubbing, has had maybe 1 to 3 long term boyfriends is potentially vastly more likely to focus on just one guy. Hold your eyes open for that type of woman. The polite, friendly, humble, chill neighbor girl, no tatts, doesnt like partying, loves her family, doesn't fuck around and didnt jump from situationship to situationship and she knows she could get mass attentino from men online, but she doesn't want that and is looking for something more. That's the type of woman you want, unless it is just sex. Then it doesn't matter, and then you prolly should focus on online dating, insta and clubs or nightlife in general.

[deleted]

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Is it really as bad as it feels? I 'M35' have a girlfriend 'F30' . We've been together for 4 years, living together for 2, and we've got a 1-year-old daughter. She’s from another state, and we live here in X. Things ain't good between us anymore. Whenever I say something, share an idea, suggest we do something, or just talk in general, she talks down to me with a condescending and disrespectful tone. I've gotten mad, and she says I'm overreacting. I suggestd we go to therapy, but she says no, that I need to fix myself first. I don't feel much interest in her anymore 'cause she's so rude to me. Over the past 2 years, we've only been intimate 10 times, we don't do anything together, and she makes my work life harder. I work full-time and take care of our daughter in the afternoons since she neglects her 'cause she's stressed (she doesn't take care of her in the morning either; she convinced me to put her in daycare). I want to end the relationship, but I'm scared I won't see my daughter again, that she'll take her back to her home state or not let me see her. Is it really as bad as it seems to split up when you have a kid? Can y'all share your experiences with me?

Depending on what state you live in, it’s against the law to remove the kid from some states. I would look up Your state and see what the laws are.  Most courts now are very friendly to both mom and dad having equal custody. Another thing to look up or make a call to an attorney and ask some general questions.  I would say a healthy two parent home is always better than a split one. If you can’t make it healthy, than splitting and is probably the better way to go.  I personally would meet with a divorce attorney and pay whatever thoeir consultation fee is and find out what is the most likely outcome if you divorce in your state. At least if you decide that is what you want to do you’ll have an idea of what can happen. 

Is there a reason you wouldn’t push for primary custody?

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exploration

Before you read the rest of my nonsense below- it’s all hypothetical of course it’s not like we’re actively dating and have ever discussed this ever, so how DO we discuss this? She had not even a dust particle of reference to her child in any of her social media accounts. I ended up doing some digging last minute and figured out she has a kid. A part of me wants this date to go great. But worst case scenario if we like each other and want to take each other seriously, I’m worried she’ll want me to help raise her child. I legitimately cannot do that with my career goals and work schedule. I will also NEVER be a number one priority in this woman’s life until we die. It just doesn’t click. I don’t want to call the date off, but with the new anxiety I know I won’t be able to enjoy to my fullest. Can anyone help me stop catastrophizing. This girl deserves me at my best, and someone that loves her and her child. But I’m 20 years old, I don’t know if she likes me at all and if we’ll ever end up even finishing the damn date, and me thinking like this makes me want to cancel on her, she liked me and seems stoked to hangout with me, Im just too much of a broke kid to even hand her kid a dollar. I hope you guys can see where I’m coming from, am I being unreasonable? Another fact, I have no date experience this is my first damn date, I can’t call this off an a girl that wants ME, man this is painful. I’m mostly pissed at myself for not being able to give this girl my all regardless, fuck I wish I was rich fuck I wouldn’t even think twice

If you are not seeing yourself to be the dad or kids just don’t go further . End the relationship or date or whatever and move on with your life . It’s not fair to both of you

In my opinion if a single mom is dating she will expect or at least want her partner to help her raise her child, either by contributing financially or in other ways. It's understandable that you're freaked out by this because you're 20. Whether you choose to go on the date or not is up to you, but personally I would not go if it was giving you this much anxiety. You should be excited and not scared to go on a date. And to be fair the fact that she did not tell you she has a child and you had to find out yourself is kind of a red flag.

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So I have a friend that I've made it very clear from the beginning that we are just friends no sex, no dating, nothing other then friends. She has tried to seduce me on several occassions and even tho I keep telling her we will never be more then friends she refuses to accept it. The reasons why I will not date her is simply because I can't have the life I want with her and I don't want to put her thru the heartbreak of dating me just for us to not work out and our friendship over. By the life I want I mean I want kids she can't have them due to being sterilized at a young age, we have none of the same hobbies and in fact she always gets mad when I'm doing my own thing and I don't answer her phone call, we have diffrent moral viewpoints on things and she always tells me I need to change my viewpoint because I'm just boring. She keeps getting irratated and going off on my GFs and my FWBs and then gets mad at me when i tell her she needs to stop doing that. She calls me crying because she just wants a good guy like me but it's not fair that I keep her in the friendzone. She tells me all the time that she can give me all that I want in life so how come I don't choose her. I point out all the reasons I've listed and she says that it's not fair. We've never slept together only been friends. I've let her stay at my place before when she was homeless and she would be in my living room naked when I got home from work and get mad at me for not having sex with her. She would try to get in the shower with me and got angry that I wouldn't let her. She would try to get in my bed at night so I would go get a hotel room or sleep in my work truck since it has a bed on it. I just don't know what to do anymore with her. It's just exhausting on top of everything else I have going on on my life right now. Any advice??

She's not listening to you and obviously not respecting your boundaries. Think it's time to put the friendship to an end.

*Why do you continue to be friends with such a disrespectful ass?* Friends are a choice that you get to make.

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My ex of 9months refollowed me on instagram and we chatted. We flirted too maybe some inappropriate flirting but he started it. I would say we both broke up with each other because we argued over and over. It was because he thought he was in the right and I did too but I always heard him out and tried to see why he felt a certain way which he didn’t do with me. We’re both 26. We didn’t talk at all for most of the break up it’s been 2 months and I never bugged him but I missed him and I thought maybe him too? He ghosted me four days later. I don’t know what I did? I didn’t pressure him into anything, not even to get back together he says he’s single and he asked me if I was single too I said yes but I didn’t pry into his life so idk why he ghosted me :( he hasn’t said a word to me since. I keep myself busy with my studies, my pets, learning to play the drums, going out more with my family, calling up friends more but him doing that made me really sad Plez any guy advice would help.

I'm sorry but he was just taking the temperature to boost his ego by telling himself at least he wasn't the only one single. It was a petty vengeance from him. Sound you dodged a bullet. Block him and start to talking to other men. I bet you'll find someone better soon enough.

This is all just irrelevant blabber. You're not in a relationship with him and he owes you nothing. You wanted an ego boost by stringing him along a bit to make yourself feel good, but he saw it and dumped you. 

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Does anyone else ever feel tired of working on your anxious attachment in dating? I have a really good life outside of dating. I have friends who I have really secure relationships with, I have a good bond with my family, I’m doing well at work, I often travel and explore new places. I’m very thankful for my life and the people in it, and dating feels like it sucks some of the happiness/ peace out of it. I always feel so much better when I take a step back because I hate how bad the anxiousness gets. I’m a lot better at regulating my feelings now, but sometimes, I get to know someone and it’s going well before they suddenly start pulling back, and by then I’m invested. So it hurts, but the anxiousness is so much worse than the pain. I know I can get over heartbreak but the way that anxiety feels? Absolutely horrible. I’ve been through therapy and I’m in a coaching programme now but it’s still hard going through the anxiety. I was dating for a year and a half, and I’ve stopped dating for a few weeks. Honestly, I think I’m happier now than I’ve been in months, which says a lot.

I could have written your entire post. I constantly go through this cycle where being dumped, left on read, etc. shatters my self-esteem and turns my scars back into wounds, and then I have to spend like at least a year picking up the pieces. And during my break from dating, I eventually gain momentum and feel confident and happy again. And I think, “I’m really thriving and content with my life right now— it’d be nice to share it with someone. I’m finally ready.” And then by the time I find someone I’m compatible with, any doting gesture they make triggers my abandonment issues, but nevertheless, I hope. And I always hope hard. I almost have a “gambling addiction” when it comes to hope— I tend to go “all in.” And then after 3-4 months, my partner changes his mind— just like everyone else did before. And because I gambled every last hope I had, I lose everything… And then I’m back to square one, or even square negative 20 when it comes to my mental health. I’ll remember how much happier I was before I started trying to date again, and I’ll wonder if it was ever worth it to put myself out there in the first place. I am so much happier single, when I’m not fretting all the time about trying to keep a partner. I have dozens of friends, plenty of creative endeavors I’m excited about, and an amazing family. Why take all of that for granted by fixating on trying to find love that lasts? It makes me wonder how I can actually know whether I’m mentally healthy enough or ready for a relationship… because ideally, I shouldn’t date until I’m at a place where my confidence is solid and grounded enough that it can’t be shaken by external factors. But how will I know when my self-esteem is sustainable enough to date again, if I’m always happier and more motivated when I’m single?

I feel you and most men just see us as clingy. It’s difficult, but what I do is often challenge the thoughts I have that cause me anxiety. I’m in a great relationship where my affection/texting and attention are being met. Maybe it’s just a matter of you find someone who matches your energy and your needs

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Hey everyone! First post on reddit for me so please be patient! I need your collective advice on a gift I can provide to my wife who's recently been going through a lot of challenging times (including personal and family related health concerns, sacrifices, anxiety attacks etc). Despite that, there's been some recent good news that have unfortunately taken a back seat due to the overwhelming other challenges (job promotion & graduation). Our living condition is currently long distance due to work, i'm looking for gift ideas I can send her remotely until we meet again. I want it to be something special and uplifting so that she doesn't feel alone or think that I don't care about her successes. - she doesn't like alcohol - she likes jewelry but this would be a poor gift choice at the moment imo - she won't be consuming sweets or traveling due to health reasons - assume budget is < $1000 Lastly, is there a preference on if i should wait until we meet in person in a couple months? I don't want her to wait that long before she feels love but i'm okay to give her a gift now and then another again when we meet. Thank you all for reading and taking time to respond. Really appreciate it!

I would surprise her with some meals delivered to her, and then when you see each other, have a fun filled or relaxing day planned with each other, at a spa or something.

A massage with oils and lotion (don't forget the foot rub!!)...a back rub..laundry...dusting...sweep...the dishes...a well-cooked dinner or a date to the local restaurant...a movie...a vacation...

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I matched with a girl a little more than a month ago, and we hit it off quite nicely. I asked her out for a coffee date after some light conversation and she said that she wanted to focus on her exams and that we could go out later. I tried my best to keep in touch, but not to be overly aggressive. She’s never initiated any interactions, but is always kind and enthusiastic in responses. Last weekend I asked her out again since I knew her exams were over, but she said that she couldn’t because she was out of town. I responded that with “No worries. Hit me up when you’re free and we can figure something out”. Yet she never did. We talked a little since that conversation, and I don’t know what to do or what to say. I don’t know how to bring it up again without looking like I’m hounding her for a date.

She’s not interested, sorry. She’s giving you convenient excuses as a way to let you down easy. After you ask her out the second time imo it’s up to her to reach out if she wants to see you. Don’t waste your time with this girl until she decides to make a move.

dont bother. she rejected you twice now and didnt bother to reach out at all the whole time. waste of time

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I honestly am completely inept when it comes to the topic of women. I don't know how to open a conversation or even where to meet single women. I mean shit, it feels like every women I'm actually interested in is in a relationship. Anyone have some thoughts to share? Where did you go to meet your current girlfriend or wife? What are some good ways to meet women without coming of as creepy?

Bars or night club tinder is mostly dominated by men who are extremely good looking

"What are some good ways to meet women without coming of as creepy? Wud be interested to know what you mean by creepy? Wanting sex? Isn't that what you want? If it is just ask. It's easier than being creepy!

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A friend of mine has an OF. She asked me to help her with photos and videos, both taking them and editing them as she isn't tech savvy and doesn't have the equipment to do it or space to do it. I'm also currently getting into the dating world and I'm curious and concerned how much of an issue this will be for me. It's only solo stuff, I'm not involved in any way besides holding the camera. Full disclosure, we have never dated, nor had any romantic feelings between each other. We have hooked up before, but it was more of a fuck buddy type situation. No emotion besides she was in the mood. She doesn't pay me beyond either bringing lunch/dinner over or ordering it before or after the photoshoot. I've been helping her for over a year now, once or twice a month, so seeing naked isn't remotely a big deal. Outside of the times she was in the mood for more, things are very "straight to business" like. Almost clinical. I don't want to screw her by having to quit, but at the same time, I can understand this could be an issue for a lot of people and I don't want to miss out on finding someone because of it. So ladies of reddit, how big of a deal is this and when is the best time to bring it up with potential date? I'm not a cheater and would never consider it, but obviously me saying that means nothing to someone I just met.

Some women will mind about the onlyfans photos and regularly seeing an old fwb naked. Others won't mind. The women who object to onlyfans, have issues with jealousy of other females or can't calmly tolerate their bf regularly meeting up with an ex they use to have sex with- these are the types who will mind. It probably won't be a big deal for the women who have no problem with people making money from selling their nudes on onlyfans and no issues with the guys that they date staying friends with their past ons & fwbs. I wouldn't mind a date or bf who takes onlyfans photos of a female platonic friend on an unpaid basis. Its the fwb history that would put me off, I don't get sexually involved with friends or relatives and I don't want much involvement with people that do.

You won't get one answer. Some will mind. Some won't. Some won't like that you continue to see someone you've fucked once upon a time naked and in certain types of positions. Some will ask if you can be their OF photographer. Some will question why you're doing a 'job' but not actually getting paid. Some will think that you're nasty, and she's even more nasty for doing what she does. Some won't care. Some will. Are you willing to stop for a future relationship who thinks it is inappropriate? If you are, then go from there. If you aren't, then make it known so that no time or energy is wasted.

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My boyfriend was out with his friends the other day which an old friend came across to them and hung out for a while. He came home and let me know he invited him to his baby shower. Me and my bf share many mutuals so i know almost all of his friends. He told me that the baby shower is on 7/28, and also even mentioned the attire for this party. Which he claimed he has no idea what to wear. I felt a certain way because he didn’t even bother asking if i wanted to join him that day, and it’s not like i don’t know them. And i don’t want to bring anything up because i know he will say “He only invited me, and never mentioned to bring you” but it doesn’t hurt to ask. We’ve had many situations where he goes out and i get left behind. Goes to parties and never takes me anywhere. I don’t know i just need some advice. Should i just let it be? Or say something?

A baby shower is not the hill to die on and you shouldn't read into it. They aren't the same as parties or a night out. It is a celebration of the couple and their growing family. They are often very intimate and small. I've been to plenty where couples were invited and plenty where it was just the friend of the couple invited. Both are totally normal. If there are other nights out/parties/or social gatherings where other partners are invited and you are not, that is the time to have the conversation.

If this is happening more than once or twice I would definitely bring it up.

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I’m pretty new to dating and am not very experienced. I (26F) have been seeing a guy for like 6 dates and we still haven’t kissed yet. I feel like maybe he’s waiting for me to initiate and make the first move? Anyways, I have literally no idea how to do that. But we’re starting to feel more like friends, and I want to be more affectionate, especially to see how the chemistry is. For the guys out there, how would you like a girl to initiate the first kiss?

You can always just ask him -- May I kiss you? Or If that feels too awkward, have you had any physical contact all all (hugging, cuddling, holding hands)? In a hug, if you have one of your arms below his and the other above, just let that hand float up to the base of his neck. I've found that having my hand there is a pretty reliable signal to a guy that I want him to lean down so that we can kiss.

Give him the triangle puppy eyes look, lips to eyes back to lips slowly and just go!!

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GF 30 and me 30M, we've been together for almost 5 years. The first year was the sweetest. We were intimately active. We would naturally alternate who initiates the moment of intimacy. After moving in with her during the pandemic, things were slowing down but it was still fun. We were starting to shape our future; buy a house, adopt a dog. We both don't want kids. Travel Then we moved in a bigger apartment. That was 3 years ago. We moved because the previous apartment was too small and there were a lot of ants infiltrating the out of shape building. It somewhat affected her morally. Whenever she sees an insect when we are walking outside, she freezes. The new apartment is a more recent building. We split the chores pretty much 50/50. I do dishes, clean the bathroom and outside the appartment. She does the laundry cleans the floor. We cook 50/50. Since we moved to that apartment, I alway initiate the intimacy and she never does. For the last 2 years she started to study full time to finish university. She was doing that part time, but since I can financially support both of us, it was possible for her to go back full time. Since she started studying full time, there's actually no intimacy at all in our relationship. She works part time over the weekend + school. So I get that she's tired. When she finished her last semester in april, I thought things might be acting up again, but it doesn't. I already discussed about the lack of activity in our relationship. We tried to be more spontaneous, doesn't work. We tried to schedule a "fun" moment, when it's time, it's never the right moment. I really love her but the lack of intimacy starts to tire me. What should I/we do next?

Hi I'm 33f and my 8-year marriage didn't survive this. I can certainly help you with the perspective of the other person (obviously only to an extent because everyone is unique). I can definitely say what we did that didn't work, and I'm in a 2-year relationship now where things are going excellent in that department. Here's what I've learned: Quantity over quality: Never stop connecting with one another physically. Hold hands, give hugs, give each other little back scratches, and have the other person rest their head in your lap and play with their hair. Keep the lines of physical connection open, and always treat each interaction like you could stop there and it's good enough. The reason why is that at least in my experience my ex would take my openness for one type of physical connection (aka a back rub) as a full send to try and be intimate so eventually I turned down simple physical things because it usually meant I had to be down to have sex. And eventually the lack of physical touch made it even more difficult to connect and even get to that point. Play - don't take things too seriously: Be OK with not every instance of being intimate ending with you or her finishing. Just have fun. The more positive interactions you two have the more confidence you build. I don't have a cute name for this one: Umm, to be a woman is to perform a little.. I'm not saying faking it, but I am saying that we're all socialized to make it a bit more about you. So, it would go a long way to just help her feel comfortable enjoying it just for her. Confession time: my current boyfriend had to say that it was OK if I scrolled social media while he went down on me to break the cycle of intimacy feeling like a chore because I always felt pressure to "make it sexy". I promise it's not like that forever. OK that's what I've got. Ymmv. I'm just really happy you're trying to find help so I gave it my best shot.

Have you had a sit-down conversation about this?

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Been with her for a year and a half now, the first months of our relationship were full of lies around her drug use and other things. That’s in the past now we have since traveled the world together and have ALOT of great memory’s. Anyhow I still have trust issues around it and it makes me act slightly controlling which isn’t fair on her. We went on a mini break because of this last week. During this mini break she’s had a 30 year old man sleep in the same bed with her. She tells me he is gay but I’ve never met him and she’s only met him like 3 times. He also is asking to borrow money of her. Just screams bad news to me! On top of this she wasn’t going to tell me I had to find out through her messages on Facebook. I love this girl dearly and don’t want to leave her as we have exiting things planned. We get on so we’ll our only downfall is the trust and her lack of honesty. Is it worth giving it another go after the many many I have. Will she just continue to be dishonest and will I find myself in the same place a year down the line.?

I think it is time to leave. A random 30 year old man sleeping in the same bed as her? And she never told you? Relationship started off with lies so I don’t think there’s much hope. I understand it’s hard but you’re still young and will meet other people. Not worth it to waste time being with somebody you can’t trust

Man I’d leave. I’ve lied about little things like this in relationships before. 100% of the time it’s because I’m hiding a much bigger thing

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Hello, so I rarely if ever post but need some advice. I met a man who is 14 years my senior (28f and 42m). We started talking and absolutely hit it off. We currently are long distance as we met while I was traveling for work. We have spent a few weekends together, and spend every evening talking for hours and throughout the day message or have short phone calls. We just click… he says things that align with my thinking and there’s no way for him to know how I think about those topics. Here’s the thing, he is halfway through a divorce and has two kids. Everything regarding the situation, that he’s told me about, has checked out so far. I have not met the kids, but one is excited to meet me, the other is more hesitant. My parents don’t love the situation, and I can understand why but they also have no interest in meeting him which would help explain things I believe. I don’t think there’s anyway for them to get it… I am just slightly lost. Is it really an impossible situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance!

It sounds like everything is good. You’re two adults who like each other - that’s all that matters. Don’t throw fake barriers in the way of your happiness which don’t need to be there.

Just remember, if it worked out, he will be 60 when you are 36 and 70 when you are 56. Might look OK for you now but what about later?

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So yesterday I received a save the date for my childhood best friends (Anna) wedding. I was so excited! Only to open it and discover it is on the same exact day in October as my other close friends (Brenda) wedding, who I am a bridesmaid for. There is no way I can do both. And I definitely would not skip out on Brenda's wedding for any reason. I feel awful missing her wedding! Is there anything I could do instead? I don't have any extra money right now to throw her a shower or anything and I don't know who else is going. Anna and I aren't really close anymore but I will always love and support her. What are some ways I can tell her I can't make it to her wedding? And alternative things I could do? Tl;dr: childhood friend getting married same day as my other close friend. Already committed to my close friend and would rather go to her wedding anyway. How can I tell my childhood friend I can't make it and what is something I could do for her instead (that's inexpensive)?

Get a photo frame engraved with their wedding date and send the gift closer to the wedding. They’re not super expensive and you have time to save up. You should be able to do that for under $50. Just give her a call or send her a text and tell her that you’re super excited about her wedding and wish you could join to celebrate her special day but that you’re in a wedding that same day so won’t be able to attend. It happens. You can’t be in two places at once.

Oh no! I have already committed to be a bridesmaid in another wedding that exact day! I am soooo disappointed! What can I do to make it up to you?

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I don’t get it either y’all. I’ve expressed wanting to move out multiple times with good reason, and everytime the conversation got shut down by him. Tomorrow I’m leaving for a trip and when I get back in 2 weeks, I’m set to move out. I tried to open up a conversation with him about it last night so he had time to think and process me moving out. He couldn’t really emphasize with any of my reasons for moving out, and stated that “You (me) living with me is a boundary.” Which it’s not? Or maybe it is? I don’t really know. Anyways, I don’t know how to navigate this when everytime I bring up the topic, he shuts down (he gave me a 2 day silent treatment once) or doesn’t listen to any of my reasons. NOTE: I realize my post wasn’t clear. He means that in our relationship, me living with him is a boundary - or better phrased, a “requirement” - for us being together. I just feel like I’m having to choose between my boyfriend and what I want to do. I want to move out, but I also love my boyfriend and want to stay with him :(

I guess you move out single?

Boundaries are something you don't go past. Living with him is a desire of his not a boundary. The boundary might be that if you move out he breaks up but he isn't right? Shacking up is just something he wants that you don't believe is reasonable or healthy. You are right.

Sarcasm

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Basically we had unprotected sex and I told him not to cum inside of me he did it twice after I told him no and I told him I’m not having your baby I got an abortion by him before and he still did it without my consent after I told him no I’m in nyc btw and do I have to pay for a fucking lawyer to do this plz lmk

I really hate to sound like that guy but why let him have sex with you in the first place?

birth control? morning after pill?

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What do you think? I creeped out after knowing this. She thinks it’s funny or something to be proud of. We both are looking for long term relationships

Personally I don’t date women who hang out with people they slept with. I’d hit it and bounce. Or just hit it and stay her friend like all the other guys. She offers no exclusivity for a relationship.

If it's casual it's probably not a big deal. It can be a red flag

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So I (27m) didn't expect to ever be in this situation, but here I am. I got out of a long relationship and recently started getting back into OLD. I had some dates that went nowhere, and a few days ago I went out with a girl that I had no expectation or intention of sleeping with on the first date at all. So much so that I didn't even bring a condom or anything since I was 100% sure nothing was going to happen (I did have some at home so we didn't do it unprotected, because I'm sure it'll come up). Our convo wasn't flirty or sexual at all, she seemed pretty shy, and even during the date there wasn't any physical contact. However, after the date we sat on a bench and ended up making out, after which she indicated she was down for more, so for some stupid reason I invited her to my place. Truth be told, I had issues performing as I guess I'm still not really over my ex. She was very understanding, and ended up sleeping over. I texted her the next day saying I had a good time and indicated I'd like to see her again, but as a few days went by I realized I'm really not ready for this, and that there was much of a spark at all. I think I just got caught up in the moment and made a dumb decision, and I've been feeling awful. I've never been in a situation where I didn't want to see the person again after having sex, and I could really use some help with how to best approach this. I'm fully aware that no matter what I'll end up looking a complete asshole, and that's totally justified, but I'd still like to be considerate in letting her know I don't plan to continue things. This was one of those situations where the "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse is actually true, as evident by how bad my performance was in bed. Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what to say/not to say? I'd also love to hear from women on this, because I'm sure you've been on the receiving end and I'd like to avoid her feeling used as much as possible, though I know that's almost impossible now.

I have been on the receiving end. Tbh I appreciated the guy's honesty, it only caught me by surprise because there were no warning signs that he was about to say that. He also said it more like "I don't know if I want to continue things" instead of "I don't want to", which in the moment left me thinking he might change his mind, so just be direct and straightforward with what you want to say. That was a few years ago and we still talk every now and then, we are both 100% over it and there are no resentments :) but I guess it depends on the people involved. The main thing is that you deliver your message correctly, you can't control her reaction.

Heading straight into a new relationship after a breakup rarely works out well. Take time for yourself and heal before jumping in again. No strings from the old baggage, you know.

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If you went on a couple of dates. If they removed you and unfollowed you. Is that weird and does it read as desperate?

Yes

If it is an app like Instagram it wouldn’t be weird because the act of them unfollowing you doesn’t remove you as one of their followers. If you aren’t following them it would be weird because you’re going out of your way to watch them.

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Before instantly commenting any hate/such please read the context of the story. Senior year of high school my good friend (we’ll call him Jack) started dating this girl (we’ll call her Kathy). During that time I got a lot closer with Jack to the point I would call him my best friend, as well as becoming good friends with Kathy as well. College comes, and Jack and I are going to the same uni while Kathy goes to community college. We remain close for ~2 years while he is still dating Kathy long distance. Later years Jack and I start to distance, both finding different fits for friends we associate with, but still hangout and such. Senior year of college, Jack breaks up with Kathy and puts me in that divorced parents kind of situation trying to split hanging out between the both of them. During this time I get a lot closer to to Kathy trying to help her through the break up, and we become best friends and learn that we are quite similar and compatible with each other. Both mine and Kathy’s friends/families have commented on how we would be great together and we’ve admitted to each other that we’ve thought about dating each other, I just don’t know if us pursuing a relationship is the best idea.

You're a really fickle best friend, man

Even if you’d be great together you should just leave it at friendship. You’d be breaking bro code by getting with her. If you’re fine with being seen as a shitty best friend and you’re cool with her having a reputation as a homie-hopper then go for it I guess. I wouldn’t risk a friendship with a good bro for a girl you might not even be dating in a few months. And above all this I think you should consider your friend’s feelings and whether or not he’d care. There’s a possibility he doesn’t care at all but would you risk that by going behind his back? If they had been dating for only a few months or so I’d understand but they have years of history so it would look bad on you to date her. The whole dynamic of your entire friendships would change and not for the better IMO. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were in your friend’s position.

Hurtful

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It's almost comical what a high percentage of women go on a first date with me while sick, and then give me whatever they have by talking in my face in a loud restaurant. The crazy thing is they think it's no big deal. They show up for the date and say stuff like i have been so sick this week, but don't worry I "took a z-pac" or "I had an IV". None if that even makes sense. They are still contagious. Am I the only one this keeps happening to?

> Am I the only one this keeps happening to? It’s unlikely this is very common

women are used to being in some kind of pain and still showing up for shit, natural byproduct of a having to go to school/work while bleeding and cramping lifestyle. dudes stay in bed and let the storm pass.

Sarcasm

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My (26F) boyfriend M (32M) has a work buddy named Vance. Earlier this week M told me about how Vance went to get a massage and at the end he got a hand job. Weird whatever good for him. Last night my boyfriend fell asleep on the couch and I was about to eat some ramen on the floor when his phone went off. Long story short I went through it (we have both done this before we have an open phone policy) I went through his messages between him and Vance and Vance texted him the address and picture of the place. Then said “Go get a tuggy tonight lol” M responded “lol I just might” Vance said “she had some soft hands”. And that’s was the end of that conversation. I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant with our second child. I’m seriously disgusted and so fucking hurt. I woke him up and tried talking about it calmly. And he freaked out on me saying “why are you going through my phone, you are crazy & get away from me” and went to the bedroom and fell asleep. I’ve been crying all night. I’ve only had like 3 hours of sleep. It’s 4am and he left for work. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I have no family or friends here and I’m on probation out here. I am a SAHM meaning I have nothing to my name. I could go to Arizona and live with my sister but I would never leave my son and honestly I wouldn’t want to take him away from M because most of the time he is a great dad. I know my emotions are higher than usual right now. But I’m done. We have had a lot of issues lately and I’m at the end of my rope. I’m going to call my p.o today and see what my options are if I even have any. I made a therapy appointment on Wednesday. I’m planning on telling him I don’t want to be with him anymore. My confidence is crushed and I just can’t trust him after this. Especially after he reacted when I confronted him. How hard would it have been to just say “it’s just guy talk etc”. P.s the thing that bothers me the most is they work together. They talked about this at work. So then why did Vance send him the address and a picture of the place?

For me it could be guy talk… but the red flag is that he got immediately defensive. This shows that he’s aware that it’s wrong. Contrast instant anger and denial with: “Ha ha. Yeah. Vance keeps going on about it, so I said that to shut him up. Now, are you going to give me that tuggie?”

Naaaah that's not just guy talk. Suss as hell. Did he get home later than he should have from work?

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Ok. Short story: I was “dating” someone. We talked about our relationships; this person was never brought up until I saw their picture pop up in the car on her phone. I stopped and immediately said I knew them; she asked… did you guys “fuck” I said yeah, uncomfortably. The rest of the car ride was chill, and I immediately regretted not saying anything. Then she told me they also had a fling and were just friends now. But it turns out they are best friends. We talked in the car, and she immediately told me she wanted to stay single and wasn’t ready to commit to anything serious. I understood that. I was freaking head over heels after talking for a month and a half. I slowly distanced myself after a few hangs and told her I couldn’t shake the fact that you slept with the same person I slept with, and they're also now your best friend. She says that it’s a red flag that I felt that way. Am I the one in the wrong? How the fuck could I be. I don’t think either of us foresaw this, but it’s fucking insulting to say it’s my fault. Would you have done the same or kept trying to be friends?

You were in this thing for six weeks, found out something that didn’t work for you, and you got out. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. I think having a connected sexual history would make a lot of people uncomfortable. One of my absolute closest friends is a straight guy (I’m a woman). It’s something that I always told people really soon after we start dating because, yeah, a lot of people feel uncomfortable with that situation. Better for everyone to get that information out there. I think it’s a rare thing to have a close guy friend where you don’t have sexual or romantic feelings. But that’s not even her situation since the two of them did have sex in the past. You’re not being controlling or jealous. This just isn’t for you. That’s okay.

You mean she cut you off?

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I (22M) have been with my GF (21F) for over a year now. Everything in our relationship has been great, she’s just the best, loving, caring, incredibly cute, intelligent, for me, she’s the whole package. Last night we were getting intimate (it has been a long time since the last time we’ve been intimate due to her not feeling and tha situations not being appropriate), I was touching her over her pants and she seemed to enjoy it, so i asked if i could go underneath, she was hesistant at first but then said yes, I went at it but at a certain moment she told me to stop, here’s where i fucked up, I didn’t, I kept saying things like “are you sure you want me to stop?” , in the moment I thought she said beacuse my parents were home, so i did to sort of tease her and thinking that would make things spicier, she told me again and i stopped. This was out of character for me, and I recognize it, I don’t tend to break her boundaries but this time I did. We did some more stuff after I stopped touching her, and called it a night. The next day she commented to me that I hurt her (physically), I told her that I was really sorry, that i really didn’t mean to (which is true, I would never do anything to hurt her, she is the love of my life). She mentioned that she did told me to stop and I didn’t, which brought some memories of a past relationship she had were she was hurt in that way (way worse from what she has told me). I kept saying that I was really really sorry, that in no way I meant to disrespect her like that, that I got carried away (which is no excuse) and thought that it was because there were people in the house ( I know that no means no, that’s why i’m I frel so bad, and I’m angry at myself for not listening to her). She says that it’s fine, that she knows I didn’t mean to, that she told so that I don’t do something like this again. Even though she says this, I can’t help but feel like I lost her trust in regards of being intimate, she usually isn’t completely comfortable with these situations (she enjoys them, she like being intimate like that, but she says her past relationship may have caused some problems to her about that), I just don’t wanna be the same as the other dude. I want to gain her trust again so that she can still feel safe with me (regarding intimacy). Am i overthinking? Should I listen to her and believe that it’s fine? How can I build her trust back so that she can feel safe again (This is just something that I feel)?

You made an honest mistake that a lot of men have made, I believe you’re overthinking this situation, she told you everything was fine so try to believe her and learn from your mistake, when she says stop next time do it.

Once the trust is lost or broken there is no getting it back. There is always going to be that sense of insecurity and doubt. Don't waste the next 5-10 years of your lives and just move on.

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Hi everyone ! The most awkward thing and embarrassing thing happened. This is a new "relationship" of two months but I've known him for years since we were teens,now I'm 29F he is 32 M. Anyways we were play fighting and making jokes . He was teasing me and there was a plushy right next to me I grabbed it and playfully through it at him . Well I aimed bad and it fell on his hot tea which was right next to all his electronics ( his computer, laptop, sound system etc ). It fell all over his stuff plus on him. I literally didn't know what to do and he just got angry and rushed to his room. I started patting down the water with towels and he came with towels too and told me "to stop I've done enough". Then he played his laptop and the sound was all messed up . He got more angry and told me I should go . He walked me to my car and it was soo awkward and I felt so bad. I tried apologizing and he said " I need more self control ". Well on my way home he texted me saying he can't even charge his phone. I responded to him apologizing and told him I would help him with damages. He didn't respond . The next day he liked my story on Instagram but didn't say anything . I texted him to follow up and just said I'm checking in . He gave me a dry response I responded and then he stopped . Well it's been four days since the incident and idk what to do . I feel so bad but it was an accident he was playing with me too . What should I do? Tl,DR : I accidently dumped hot tea on boyfriends electronics and now hes not speaking to me . what to do ?

OOOOOOOF. I literally covered my mouth with my hand reading this story. I feel your PAIN. Hopefully, the initial anger subsides, especially since it was an accident and you’re clearly VERY sorry. You already apologized AND offered to help cover damages; you can’t turn back time to make the incident not happen. Some people need apologies to happen in different ways. You already tried a sincere apology and you tried to make it right. Perhaps you could try admitting carelessness, and promising to be more aware in the future? Obviously, you did not do anything intentionally, and this was a total mistake, but you DID throw a stuffed animal in a room with hot liquid near electronics. (Do NOT bring up to him that that’s a foolish thing to do anyway; it’s best to just focus on ourselves in an apology, even if it’s not totally our fault.)  I recommend checking out the “apology languages” to see other methods that might work. And honestly, you DO feel really bad. It WAS an accident. You are trying to make it right. If he still is sour with you after all that, a future with him might not be in the cards.

Sounds like he lost interest. Advice it to move on.  

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My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been together, off & on, since we were 16. He's always said he's an ass guy & never been much interested in boobs but I've been wondering if he's just not attracted to mine. I'm 5'3, 115lbs, & have a nice ass but 32B/C boobs so they're like just proportional for my frame, maybe a tad small. He tells me he's attracted to them and he likes them but I feel like he just says that to not hurt my feelings. 1. he just never grabs them, looks at them, mentions them, etc. I've walked by him topless many times & he wouldn't take a second glance 2. pretty much only showed appreciation/attraction to them when they looked bigger than usual 3. his normal compliment for them was "they're a nice size for your body" 4. only thing he's said is a turn on for him about boobs is cleavage (something I never have) I even wore a push up bra for the first time, it didn't give me cleavage, & he didn't pay any attention to it 5. I think he got off to a girl w/ big boobs & cleavage on a show we were watching together 6. solely watched anime as a teenager so I wonder if that shaped his preferences 7. his ex before we got back together was his first gf w/ big boobs & lost his virginity to her so I wonder if it awoken something in him so is he fr just not much of a boob guy & im overthinking this or does it seem like he really only likes cleavage / big boobs? :/

Why are you so fixated on your boobs? What's the rest of the relationship like? Where's the real problem?

Either way it sounds like you want him to be attracted to your boobs. I'd recommend, when appropriate, do a little strip number. Hump his leg, get some good subtle perfume on, good music, and gently beat his face up with your boobs. Some nice lingerie. If he cuddles into you, you're fine. If he pulls back, he doesn't like your boobs for some reason.

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I'm a girl, and I'm not very good at the dating thing. I've met a guy on tinder who I might be meeting irl soon, but I'm scared of being rejected after the date and spiraling into self doubt at depression? Lol

keep in mind that you don’t know this dude so being rejected by him isn’t really such a big deal. just be sure to set boundaries for yourself and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that everyone you meet won’t be your cup of tea and that’s valid and okay

I mean, you have gone this long without him in your life. If he makes a quick exit, you’re no worse off than before. Don’t give someone power or influence on your life they haven’t earned.

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So my very new Bf (less than 2 months) went out to a concert with his guy friends. I knew that some of his mates were inviting their gfs to this concert, and I was a bit upset that I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to go along with him but understood why (don’t like the music and bc not the best place to first meet his mates). Anyway, he said he’d be a bit absent from texting, which was all good with me until he started continuously posting pictures and videos of the concert but all focused on this one particular girl that was right next to him (no one else was included, just this girl). Now I tried to hold it in to clarify with him in the morning who that was, but as more pictures of them doing selfies close together and tagging exclusively each other in posts I kind of freaked out a little on him… I called him and asked him to explain who it was. It turned out to be the girlfriend of one of his mates. He got angry at me and said I should’ve known despite the fact that I’ve never once seen, met or heard of this mate’s girlfriend. Also, the boyfriend was no where to be seen in any of these posts so I genuinely couldn’t have just known. I just am so upset that he was continuously posting this stuff, ignoring my message and not just giving me a heads up message to clarify who the girl was, all on top of the upset of him making it obvious that I wasn’t invited. It really felt like he left me in the dark to overthink. I’ve apologised for freaking out but he’s just been really nasty about it and I don’t know how to address my feelings properly to him? What should I be saying?

If you've taken responsibility for actions and apologized and he is responding in a way that makes you uncomfortable cut your losses.

Why is everyone acting like only posting pics of a girl and tagging each other isn't odd behavior. If it was everyone sure but no. Op is justified.

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This may sound ridiculous to some people, but I have just never really been good at communicating. I am not good at small, talk, or asking questions or pretty much any type of communication. This is absolutely something that I know I need to grow in. My wife said it would mean a lot to her if I asked her more questions. For example, “how was your day Or “what were you thinking about today?” What are some other good questions that I can ask her to take an interest in her life and show her that I care?

You know when you were little and maybe you asked “why?” All the time? Thats basically what shes asking for but in an adult version, how was her day, she tells you x, you ask how she felt about x, she starts to vent, just agree with her and listen and eventually youll get invested enough where you start having questions (your “whys?”) and i think over time you do this more often and youll have deeper conversations so much more effortlessly. Just apply this to everything, i think as men we are so cool with just being and not really digging that we tend to not dig for our partner which is what we typically do when we’re first trying to be with them, ya know like you become more inquisitive cause its a new person, same thing with your spouse

I think its more than just asking for asking's sake. I think she would genuinely want you to be interested as this is where it will show you care, so I would recommend taking the time to listen and ask more questions during the conversation. otherwise if you just ask 1 question then say "thats nice" and move on, it will be obvious you did it because you felt you needed to and you completed that goal rather than a genuine interest. That being said you can start with the easy classics to open up the conversation: - How was \_\_\_\_\_? (insert whatever activity she was just doing, ie. work, lunch, your trip etc) - Do you have any plans for the day?/What are you up to today? - Hows your day going? All of these are conversation starters, the point is once she answers to then ask more and talk more. For Example: If you say Hows your day going, and she says GREAT, you can say, thats awesome, whats made it so great? And then she can tell you the great thing that happened or all the little good things going her way etc. Then just ask more questions during the conversation. I like to use the rule, if I dont know WHY somebody has done something, or likes something I ask them. For Example: If she says the day has gone great because she was able to paint her nails without messing them up. You could ask what her favourite colour of nailpolish is? Why is it hard to do them without messing them up? Does she enjoy doing her nails herself or getting them done? You will inadvertently learn alot about someome this way, you may come to learn, shes a perfectionist and hates when theres even the smallest detail wrong, or that her absolute favourite color is blue, or that she hates glitter in things. etc. Hope this helps!

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New to Reddit so sorry if this is poorly written. Also apparently these stories sometimes end up in video and stuff, so I ask that if you see this story you don't use it in any internet content, or repost it or otherwise archive it. I just want to ask this question and then most likely delete it later. Thank you. So my problem is exactly as the post title states. We've been seeing each other pretty frequently for around a year now, and we met and were friends for a bit before that. About two months into seeing each other he told me he has IBS, and from what I've gathered since then it seems to be pretty severe. We've had to cancel a couple meet ups before because he wasn't feeling well, or to end things early for the same reason. Sometimes when we meet up he ends up having to use the bathroom due to diarrhea, and he always cleans up immediately after and is incredibly apologetic, especially when we're at my place. This is where my question comes in. A lot of the time he's really not feeling well afterwards, and sometimes he comes out exhausted and shaking. I feel really bad that he always cleans up after himself, and I wouldn't mind doing it at least sometimes or at least helping. I don't care if it's gross, if he's not feeling well it's the least I can do. The thing that makes things way more complicated is that we're friends with benefits, not formal romantic partners (although on my end at least I've definitely been catching feelings for a while now), and I don't want to make things too weird or awkward. He also has a lot of self worth type issues and I don't want to embarrass him or make him feel like I'm belittling him somehow. I just don't want him to have to feel like he needs to clean up the bathroom himself when he's already feeling awful. We have a generally good relationship and are really good friends, we've been there for each other through a lot by now. I don't want to mess things up, I just want to help him out with this since I genuinely wouldn't mind doing so. Any advice would really help.

That's really kind of you! As a person who has had some similar gastric issues, I would say to ask him if you can help afterwards but also be prepared to take his no for an answer. It IS embarassing and perhaps cleaning up gives him back a feeling of control that IBS can strip away. Good luck.

I think that this is incredibly sweet and mature of you, and he will appreciate you offering. BUT, he may say no (I would) for the reasons you identify and please don't push the issue, just let it go. I really think he'll appreciate you offering and just tell him why like you wrote here.

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Hello, i'm on the verge of breaking up because of this and I need urgent advice. College students, have been dating for almost two years. He does not plan or take initiative in many things -When he will see me next time if we are in different states etc - Any dates, anniversaries, occasions, i have to choose the time, the place, the reservation - When his family came over to see him (they live very far), their rental car broke down and they couldn't drive to us to have dinner together. He thought "it's okay I guess" and didn't think it was weird although I talk to his siblings often and have talked with his family before. We come from traditional backgrounds where it is customary/respectful to meet a partner's family and he did not put a care into it. I had to organize with HIS best friend to drive up to them so we can all meet. - I am the one planning where we are subleasing for housing etc - Says he wants to stay in my state but has not applied to a single job and he is graduating in a few months (despite him having a 3.9 and being very smart) - "scared" to tell his family he wants to move out (he's 21+) to my state and has been putting it off for a year. On the other hand he does not have malicious intentions and is not "playing me". I'm his first relationship, and he is sweet in all other aspects. When we had a rough time I told him he should talk to a therapist/coach about his defensiveness and he did in fact do so (but only after I asked, again not taking initiative.) I am tired of telling him exactly what I want him to do and feeling like i need to micromanage this relationship. I grew up in a really rough atmosphere and I sometimes just want someone to take the reigns from me but I feel like it has become impossible. I legit sat down with him and told him what has he ever taken initiative for in this relationship and it was only a game he picked out for us to play once... His reaction when I told him all of this is coming up with a reason for everything. Why didnt you plan xyz: i didnt know i should, it was to early, i care for you in other ways etc... I feel like even if he does change now it is only after i poured my heart out and stressed so much to get him to change

You can’t drag a partner through life no matter how sweet they are. 

Hey there, it sounds like you've been carrying a lot of weight in your relationship. Feeling like you're always the one planning and making decisions can be exhausting, especially when you're looking for someone who takes initiative. It's great that he's sweet, but relationships thrive on mutual effort. You've been clear about your needs, which is important. It might be worth discussing again to see if he's willing to step up without needing constant reminders. Ultimately, you deserve someone who values your time and actively participates in building a future together. Take some time to think about what's best for you.

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