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word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | lips | How many times the word 'lips' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | makeup | How many times the word 'makeup' appears in the text? | 3 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | color | How many times the word 'color' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | eyes | How many times the word 'eyes' appears in the text? | 3 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | mirror | How many times the word 'mirror' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | enjoy | How many times the word 'enjoy' appears in the text? | 1 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | girl | How many times the word 'girl' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | ways | How many times the word 'ways' appears in the text? | 1 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | work | How many times the word 'work' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | mots | How many times the word 'mots' appears in the text? | 0 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | chapeau | How many times the word 'chapeau' appears in the text? | 0 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | shadow | How many times the word 'shadow' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | tomber | How many times the word 'tomber' appears in the text? | 0 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | lire | How many times the word 'lire' appears in the text? | 0 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | suivante | How many times the word 'suivante' appears in the text? | 0 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | putting | How many times the word 'putting' appears in the text? | 2 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | friends | How many times the word 'friends' appears in the text? | 1 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | amazing | How many times the word 'amazing' appears in the text? | 1 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | definitely | How many times the word 'definitely' appears in the text? | 1 |
word lieu. HARRY I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. SHELLY In lieu... "instead".... No contest. HARRY It's no big deal. SHELLY You have to learn how to take a complement. (Shelly turns the newspaper over) Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? HARRY I haven't been to the movies in AGES. SHELLY I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. (subtle HINT) I'll let you get back to work. Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face HARRY I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. SHELLY (considers for a moment) Okay. Harry resumes typing VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP SHELLY Hi Vada. VADA Are you going out somewhere? SHELLY No. VADA So how come you're putting lipstick on? SHELLY A girl's always gotta look her best. VADA I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color. SHELLY Have you ever tried any? VADA No. SHELLY Come here, sit down. Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her SHELLY Now, first we blot. Vada blots her lips on some tissue SHELLY Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. Vada looks in Shelly's mirror VADA Shelly, do you think I'm pretty? SHELLY Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. VADA The boys at school don't think I am. SHELLY They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow. VADA Do you like putting makeup on people? SHELLY Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars, I haven't gotten there yet. (she finishes her work) All right, open your eyes. Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror VADA Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that Hollywood thing. VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND LOOKS AT HIM THOMAS J Your lip bleeding? VADA No. THOMAS J What's wrong with your eyes? VADA A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. THOMAS J Where's your bike? VADA Oh, in the garage. Walk me over. The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is parked VADA It's only a garage, come on. Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone VADA Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. Thomas J walks over to a model of a head THOMAS J Hey look at this! VADA That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, i'll diagnose your head. THOMAS J No, I don't wanna. VADA Come on, it's fun. Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the chart VADA Hmmmm, interesting. THOMAS J What? VADA You have no personality. THOMAS J Hey, where does it say that? VADA Never mind. Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo THOMAS J Is that your Dad? VADA Yes. THOMAS J Who's that with your Dad? VADA It's my mother. THOMAS J Do you remember her? VADA No. Grammoo said she's in heaven. THOMAS J What do you think it's like? VADA What? THOMAS J Heaven. VADA I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. THOMAS J But, what if you're afraid to ride horses? VADA It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. THOMAS J That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then returns to Thomas J HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR HIS DATE WITH SHELLY The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio PHIL Well well well, what's going on in here? HARRY Nothing, I'm dressing. PHIL Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to lie to your big brother? Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie HARRY HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! Phil stops I'm going out with Shelly. PHIL Oh yes, oh that's great. HARRY I'm very nervous. PHIL Why? HARRY The last date I had was twenty years ago. PHIL That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? BRAS! HARRY Oh come on. PHIL Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom Dick and Harry. HARRY Are you sure about all this? PHIL Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh? HARRY Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any minute. PHIL Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the right track. HARRY No, she's just driving over here, then we're taking my car. How do I look? PHIL Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em. Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way HARRY Goodnight Vada. VADA Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? HARRY Ahh, I just wanna look nice. VADA You never cared before. HARRY Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go together. VADA Why? HARRY She likes to play bingo. VADA Can I go too? HARRY Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep Grammoo company. Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out the door OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does THOMAS J Vada? Vada?? Where are you?? Vada springs up from her hiding place VADA Here. THOMAS J Don't DO that!! VADA Sorry. THOMAS J What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. VADA Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight. THOMAS J I told you i'll get in trouble. VADA Pacifist! THOMAS J I am not. VADA Bed wetter! THOMAS J I stopped that! AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING OUT THE NUMBERS HARRY Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. SHELLY (hopeful) Does it make it easier to win? HARRY No. Just, more activity. Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down HARRY (as he sits down, to the person next to him) Hi Carl. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church THOMAS J They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids. VADA We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. THOMAS J Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. VADA Duck! Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on the other side of the room SHELLY (in the distance, as a number is announced) Oh great! THOMAS J Hey there's your Dad and Shelly. VADA Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. SHELLY (in the distance again, as another number is announced) Aarrggh. CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big way SHELLY I just had a terrible thought Harry. HARRY What's that? SHELLY I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these people very soon. HARRY Why d'you think these seats were empty. OUTSIDE THOMAS J Can we go yet? VADA Go??? THOMAS J You know I'm not allowed outside my myself after dark. CLOSE UP AGAIN SHELLY Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry. HARRY Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. SHELLY Kinda like men. HARRY Oh, how do you mean? SHELLY You can be in a room with 100 men, and not like any of them, or you can be in a room with just one man, and he's exactly the one you want. Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees this and doesn't look too happy about it VADA (in semi-deep fake voice) BINGO! BINGO ANNOUNCER We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? CARL There was no bingo, it came from outside. VERNON How could someone outside get a bingo? CARL Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone outside yelled bingo you moron! VERNON Who are you calling a mowon? (false teeth) VERNON'S WIFE Put a lid on it Vernon! CARL Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!! The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break it up HARRY Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game. Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing OUTSIDE VADA We can go now. Vada and Thomas J run off down the street VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her window and looks out it through the venetian blinds OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does, eventually SHELLY I had a good time tonight. HARRY I haven't had a bingo partner in ages. They walk up to Shelly's camper SHELLY Would you like to come in and see my house? Just for a minute. HARRY Okay, sure. They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER SHELLY Home sweet home. HARRY It's nice. SHELLY I did it myself. I read a magazine article about how to maximize small spaces. HARRY Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems. SHELLY You can look in the bathroom if you want. People are always curious about that, like what happens when you flush. Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the bathroom, and then flushes the toilet HARRY Yeah. SHELLY Are you mad at me? HARRY No, why? SHELLY I don't know, tonight you just seemed a little cool, not opening car doors and... HARRY Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not since my wife died. SHELLY What happened to her? HARRY Ahh, complications during child birth, she died two days after Vada was born. SHELLY Did she ever see Vada? HARRY I brought the baby into the room a couple of times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think she saw Vada. It was..... Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling with to calm his nerves Did I ruin this? SHELLY Dance with me? HARRY Here? SHELLY This is where we are. HARRY Is there enough room? Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more room HARRY I haven't danced in..... SHELLY In ages, I know, me neither. They begin a slow dance HARRY Rock? SHELLY See, you're not that out of touch. (they dance) You're good. HARRY At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot date, I did a killer frugue. Shelly smells Harry's neck SHELLY What are you wearing? HARRY Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic. They continue to dance SHELLY Do you want to? HARRY Want to what? SHELLY Kiss me. HARRY Yes. SHELLY Good. They then have a long kiss SHELLY Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very optimistic. They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock cuckooing HARRY I ahh, better go. SHELLY It's only eight o'clock. HARRY Goodnight Shelly. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the door OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S CAMPER SHELLY Well, I guess it's official we had a date, maybe we can play bingo again sometime. HARRY I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that drive in of yours. SHELLY Goodnight. Harry waves VADA'S ROOM Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY MR. BIXLER Before the class started, Ronda and Justin wanted to lead the class in a group meditation. WOMAN Ooooh that's really cool. JUSTIN Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes out into the group. Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play weird music RONDA Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and take deep breaths. JUSTIN Now, try to feel what the other person is feeling, without speaking any words, send out your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at the same time. Can you feel it? RONDA Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody feel? GUY I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength. OTHER GUY I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth, she's so cosmically in tune. RONDA So right on, that's exactly what I sent out, and I felt like, you were full of inner peace and harmony. MR. BIXLER Vada, what did you feel. VADA I felt Justin's hangnail. JUSTIN No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul, feel my aura. VADA I don't think I'm allowed to. JUSTIN I tell you what, let's try it again, hold hands. VADA'S THOUGHTS Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe. It got infected and traveled to her vocal chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't think Grammoo thought it was insignificant. VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo, she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual healing SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING HARRY Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get lettuce. Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out SHELLY Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada. VADA Hi. HARRY I'm just picking some things up for the barbecue. SHELLY Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along? HARRY Not at all. Lot of potatoes! SHELLY It's for Shelly's famous potato salad. HARRY I'm looking forward to that. Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly, and she rams her cart into Harry HARRY HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're doing. VADA Sorry. SHELLY You know this is gonna be my first 4th of July picnic in a long time. HARRY Really? VADA (picking up large can of prunes) Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL bad? HARRY Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the cart, anything at all. (to Shelly) I don't know what's gotten into her today. Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not giving a stuff what they contain VADA'S THOUGHTS I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over a cliff. CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA, SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO MEN GET OUT HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM PHIL Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to use fewer briquettes and now look what you've done. You've cremated them. HARRY That's what I do. Do you wanna do it?? PHIL No, no no.... HARRY Look if you think you know how, why don't you pre-measure the briquettes in little packages, put out a product, support me for a while! Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry SHELLY How's it going chef? HARRY Okay. Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly, she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between Harry and Shelly VADA Are they ready yet? HARRY No, sweetie, not yet. Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off VADA When? HARRY Soon honey, soon. Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair (which there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with) And Vada shakes her off again VADA When?? HARRY In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll burn your nose, look out. Vada backs off, followed by Shelly THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE SHELLY Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God. HARRY I'll second that. VADA Hey Shelly, like seafood? SHELLY Uh huh, why? VADA See food! Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine to Shelly SHELLY (laughing) That's attractive. Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing looking around SHELLY (under her breath) Oh shit! Excuse me... Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space MAN Hey Shelly, who lives here? (pointing at hearse) The Addams Family? SHELLY Danny, what are you doing here? DANNY What am I doing here????? What am I doing here? SHELLY (to other man in background) Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here? DANNY You told everybody where you were going, I'm here for the motor home. Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment PHIL These two people do not have a good relationship. SHELLY (in background) No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it... Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing SHELLY I've been living in it for over a year, the camper is mine. DANNY Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle". Gimme the keys. SHELLY Keep your voice down! DANNY What? SHELLY The boss is watching us... DANNY (sarcastic) I'm impressed. SHELLY God I guess i'll have to introduce you now. DANNY Yeah, all right... Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind SHELLY (Talking to Danny, pointing at the people respectively) This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada Sultenfuss... DANNY Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break. VADA (matter-of-fact) I like my name. SHELLY (to the Sultenfuss') This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino Raphael salon in Detroit. (pointing at Danny) We used to be married. VADA (extremely hopeful, to Danny) Are you here to take Shelly back? Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks round the table HARRY Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to join us? DANNY Can't stay, I'm just here because my wife..... Shelly quickly interjects SHELLY Ex...ex, ex... DANNY My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my camper. HARRY Shelly? SHELLY Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I promise..... DANNY I don't think so, I got a copy of the property settlement right here. Danny pulls out a piece of paper Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile. HARRY Danny? DANNY WHAT? HARRY Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss, and there's really nothing anyone can do to comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the times you had with the camper, the trips you took, the sights you saw, those days are gone now, but they'll live on in your heart forever. DANNY (to Shelly) This guy bonking you? SHELLY (disgusted) Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say! HARRY (to Danny) Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper. DANNY Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh? HARRY It's her home! It's where she lives!! DANNY Oh really, okay fine look, go cook, (to Shelly) Gimme the goddam keys. Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly SHELLY Stop it! That hurts!! Harry is now VERY annoyed HARRY Danny..... As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him up FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO STARING INTO SPACE RALPH What'd you do that for?? HARRY Who are you? RALPH I'm his brother. HARRY Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here quite often. RALPH WHY?? HARRY Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front yard. Ralph looks rather disturbed by this FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING PHIL (quiet voice, to Vada) Your father is a savage. Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR, SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT SHELLY Bye Ralph. The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly waves SHELLY (to Harry) Well, you were pretty great! HARRY Is it really your camper? Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort of" Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks SHELLY Can we see it from the back yard? HARRY You can get the general idea... They move off to the back yard... HARRY Yep, there they are... They always look the same every year... SHELLY Pointing upwards Look... HARRY Did you ahh, love him? SHELLY I would never marry anybody I didn't love. VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS VADA He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit anyone in his life. PHIL He likes her. VADA Does he love her? PHIL Probably. VADA Do you like her? PHIL Yes I do, and I think she's very good for your father. VADA Why? PHIL After your mother died, he was sad all the time, but before that, he was pretty funny. VADA Really? PHIL Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he seems like the old Harry. VADA My Dad was funny? PHIL Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but he made me laugh. VADA'S THOUGHTS My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he didn't come back the same, one night, he picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his teeth, it was really neat. DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT VADA Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh. VADA (with stick in mouth) Carnnk yu sheeee ik?? Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth VADA Can't you see it? DR WELTY No. VADA It's there. DR WELTY Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your throat. Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall VADA Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours? WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN NURSE RANDALL So you fill it with water like this, and what have you got? A water gun. THOMAS J Cool, can I get one for Vada? NURSE RANDALL Oh yes, yes. She gets another one out of her drawer Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada ever tell you why she comes down here so much? THOMAS J Cause she's dying. NURSE RANDALL Do you think she is? THOMAS J No. NURSE RANDALL Why do you think she says that? THOMAS J Cause she gets scared of all those dead people in her house, and you know that saying, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if she's one of them, she won't be as scared. NURSE RANDALL You know what I think? I think Vada's very lucky to have a friend like you. Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe THOMAS J She's my best friend. The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits NURSE RANDALL Miss Vada, how are you feeling? VADA As good as can be expected. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM THOMAS J Hey Vada, guess what we got? VADA What? Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts his syringe at Vada THOMAS J THIS!! (squirt) VADA HEY YOU!!!! (squirt) I'm gonna get you!!! (squirt) I'll get you!!!! Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down the stairs FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER, HAVING FUN Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks THOMAS J Woah!! VADA What? THOMAS J Pointing There's a beehive right there! VADA So? THOMAS J Stand back. Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and begins to squirt the beehive VADA Are you crazy, you'll get stung!! THOMAS J You're right, let's knock it down. VADA What do you want it for anyway? THOMAS J For their meat. The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets damaged and eventually falls to the ground THOMAS J Got it! VADA My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it! They begin to search for Vada's mood ring Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in time THOMAS J They're alive!! Run for your life!!! Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run THOMAS J Run faster they're after us!! VADA I am running faster!! THOMAS J Hurry!!! They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the pier, they run out on to the pier VADA Jump in the water!! THOMAS J But I have my clothes on! VADA Do it! UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS DRENCHED HARRY (in the distance, from upstairs) Vada is that you? VADA Yes.. HARRY Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes. Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs HARRY Shelly's coming with us. Vada is now not so happy CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA SHELLY So Vada, what's your favorite ride? VADA I like the freak show. HARRY I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the bench and rest" ride. SHELLY I don't think that that roller coaster agreed with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have to watch what you eat here, I remember one time I went to a carnival with my cousins David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs, and the next day they came down with nephritis. VADA Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs. SHELLY Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next day they had really high fevers, and their faces got very fat. They baffled medical science, they were in a magazine. Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look SHELLY They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular Science". I don't know, popular. HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL SHELLY Oh look they're trying to hit that poor thing. HARRY Watch you don't knock out a fish. SHELLY Perfect. HARRY I don't know which ball's mine. Vada gets a ball in a bowl VADA I won, | sursaute | How many times the word 'sursaute' appears in the text? | 0 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | calm | How many times the word 'calm' appears in the text? | 2 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | police | How many times the word 'police' appears in the text? | 2 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | retomber | How many times the word 'retomber' appears in the text? | 0 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | once | How many times the word 'once' appears in the text? | 0 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | bernie | How many times the word 'bernie' appears in the text? | 3 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | feed | How many times the word 'feed' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | christmas | How many times the word 'christmas' appears in the text? | 0 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | make | How many times the word 'make' appears in the text? | 2 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | lake | How many times the word 'lake' appears in the text? | 2 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | house | How many times the word 'house' appears in the text? | 3 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | went | How many times the word 'went' appears in the text? | 3 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | entitled | How many times the word 'entitled' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | shoulders | How many times the word 'shoulders' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | treat | How many times the word 'treat' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | people | How many times the word 'people' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | reason | How many times the word 'reason' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | leading | How many times the word 'leading' appears in the text? | 2 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | jump | How many times the word 'jump' appears in the text? | 2 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | show | How many times the word 'show' appears in the text? | 1 |
working on the footprint. Physical proximity, which they're both a little distracted by. KELLY Thing we can lift it? JACK Maybe. Don't mush it. KELLY (annoyed) I'm not mushing it. JACK You're mushing it a little around the-- KELLY I'm not mushing it. Suddenly another beaver scurries out from underfoot, scaring all of them, but particularly Kelly who jumps. Her foot lands on a long extended branch, and even more suddenly Burke's severed head seesaws out of the shallow water, hitting her in the shin. She screams as they all jump back. ANGLE THE HEAD RESUME They just stare, as Kelly continues to scream. JACK (holding her) Okay. Okay. Okay. KELLY That is it!! JACK Really-- KELLY No. I keep getting hit with heads! JACK (holding her shoulders) Calm down. KELLY You calm down! JACK Calm down. She takes a couple of calming breaths. KELLY I'm being very calm. I'm composed. This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head, I'm entitled to complain. STEVENS (re the head) Is that uh... KEOUGH I can't recognize him from the back. It looks like him. Keough takes a stick. Squeamish, he tentatively pokes the head, trying to turn it over. ANGLE THE HEAD It is Burke. RESUME Keough leans in for a closer look. KEOUGH That's him. (re something) What the...? Something appears to be in his mouth. Keough takes a small twig, pries back a cheek... the mouth is full of worms. KEOUGH (CONT'D) Now I'm gonna puke. JACK (seeing something) You gotta be kidding. KELLY What? JACK (pointing) Look. THEIR P.O.V. About a hundred yards north, Mrs. Bickerman is leading a blindfolded cow to the water. RESUME Kelly raises her binoculars. So does Jack. KELLY What is she doing now? (then) Mother of God. KEOUGH What? KELLY Look ten feet into the water. THEIR P.O.V. There waiting... mouth fully open... is the fucking crocodile. RESUME Kelly, Jack, and Keough, as they lower their scopes. They look at each other, then back at the foregoing. EXT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mrs. Bickerman, singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is happily leading the blinded cow to the shore. The cow, tentative, just allows itself to be led, not knowing what the plan is. As Mrs. Bickerman gets to the water, she looks out to the croc. BICKERMAN Come and get it. And with that, she whips the hind of the cow causing it to jump forward. Almost simultaneously, the croc makes its charge and the cow is dead before it has a clue. CUT TO: ANGLE JACK, KEOUGH, AND KELLY utterly agape. After a long beat: CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - DAY Keough, Kelly, and Jack are questioning a slightly hostile Mrs. Bickerman. BICKERMAN (indignant) I haven't broken any laws. KEOUGH (bordering on condescension) Oh, but you have, Ma'am. You lied to us, that could be obstruction of justice. A man's been killed in part 'cause of your silence, I could make out a charge of reckless endangerment and I'm sure PETA would be annoyed at how you treat your cows. BICKERMAN The reason I lied is if I'd told you the truth, you'd just hunt it down and kill it which seems to be exactly what you're doing. KELLY How long have you been feeding this thing? BICKERMAN About six years. He first appeared in May of nineteen-ninety-one. Bernie was out fishing and it followed him home. So we threw him some scraps and well... he didn't seem to bother anybody. He became kind of like a pet who lived in the wild. JACK He just appeared. You have no idea how he arrived in this lake? BICKERMAN No. Do you? KEOUGH Ma'am. Your husband, Bernie. You didn't, by any chance, lead him to the lake blindfolded? BICKERMAN (offended) No, I did not. (then) The crocodile did kill him, though. But it was all... it was a mistake. KELLY A mistake. BICKERMAN One of our horses got loose two years ago, went to the lake to drink and... well the crocodile started coming in, Bernie went to intercede and... it was all a terrible misunderstanding. (then) If I reported it, they would've sent people to kill it. Keough, Kelly and Jack can't quite believe what they're hearing. Then-- KEOUGH Ma'am, how could you not report this? He puts human life at risk and-- BICKERMAN Nobody lives on this lake. it's really his lake now. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The chopper, free-floating, is drifting near a small cove. Hector, in diving gear, is about to go into the water, as Gare tries to dissuade. GARE (getting panicked) C'mon Hector. I know you're crazy but you can't-- HECTOR I need to see his habitat. As he drops in. GARE Please. I'll have sex with you, anything, but get out of the water. HECTOR He's not gonna hurt me. CUT TO: INT. BICKERMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Kelly, Jack and Keough with Bickerman. BICKERMAN Murders and rapes in the cities. People bomb planes... can the police stop them? No. But feed one little cow to a crocodile... KEOUGH You're to wait right here until the police show, you're under full house arrest. BICKERMAN Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat. GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) Hank! We got a problem with Hector. KEOUGH (into walkie-talkie) What problem? GARE (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He went swimming. CUT TO: EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS Hector is underwater, exploring. ANGLE GARE ON THE CHOPPER Her radar is up, she heard something. But she doesn't see anything. She scans the surface closely. EXT. LAKE - UNDERWATER - CONTINUOUS The water is slightly more visible as Hector swims. Other than the odd school of fish, an otter, a snapping turtle... nothing extraordinary. Then, a flash shadow looms over him. He looks up, but sees nothing. Probably just the sun ducking under a cloud. It does make him sufficiently nervous, however, to head for the surface. He swims upward. EXT. LAKE (SURFACE) - CONTINUOUS Hector breaks the top. Lifts his mask, looks toward the chopper, which he sees about forty yards out. He continues to breaststroke on the surface. Suddenly... the croc's head rises up right behind Hector, who's oblivious. He continues to swim. The croc follows. Then... maybe divine intuition... Hector gets a feeling he's being followed. He then turns to look the other way, upon which his face goes rigid. HIS P.O.V. About three feet from his nose... are two giant eyes staring at him. ANGLE HECTOR ashen. HECTOR (weakly) Oh.... my. The croc doesn't move. It just stares at him. Then end of his snout is almost touching Hector. Hector himself doesn't dare move, for fear of spooking the croc into action. We get the idea that looking into the eyes of this crocodile is not filling any spiritual voids. A beat. HECTOR (CONT'D) I suddenly feel a bit foolish. (then) You're different from the others. The croc raises his head now to reveal the snout. And his deadly smile. Hector just tries to tread water with as little motion as possible. He deathly fears a quick movement will cause his life to be over. Perhaps this is what he came for. To be judged by this symbol of mythology. He backswims ever so slightly. The croc pursues just as slowly, their eyes are locked. He could snap off Hector's head in an instant. HECTOR (CONT'D) (terrified; trying to convince himself) Holy spirit of Sobek. Holy ghost. (swallows) Holy shit. CUT TO: INT. SEA CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Gare still scans the water's surface, looking for any sign of Hector. And her face freezes. Oh yes, there's the sign. HER P.O.V. Hector continues to backswim slowly to the plane and the croc slowly follows. GARE Hector!! We can hear the quaking fear in Hector's voice. As he continues to slowly backswim. HECTOR (to Gare; forced calm) Just turn the ignition, it's fuel injected. Gare turns the ignition, the ENGINE KICKS and DIES. GARE Come on. She turns it again and the ENGINE TURNS OVER. ANGLE HECTOR The crocodile is still right with him as they inch closer and closer toward the chopper. HECTOR I know under the circumstances, biting off my head might seem viable. It would cheapen you. But nothing's funny about this to Hector now. What he's staring into is death. His own. Gare raises her rifle. GARE I might get a shot. HECTOR (fear in his voice) No. If you don't kill him instantly, I'm dead and you'll only kill him instantly if you get his brain, which is about the size of a cherry. And even if you were on target, a bullet might not penetrate his hide. ANGLE GARE GARE (re the croc) Jesus. (to Hector) About twelve more yards. Keep coming just like that. ANGLE HECTOR craning to see how far away he is and as soon as he breaks eye contact with the CROCODILE, it GROWLS. Hector quickly locks eyes with him again. ANGLE GARE GARE (weakly) Oh my God. RESUME By now Hector is almost to the chopper, the croc is right there too. Hector's right hand then goes slowly for his belt though it's impossible to discern why. The crocodile seems poised to finish him. There's a slight GROWL. And then suddenly, a small underwater POP, followed by an EXPLOSION out of the water. it's an inflatable life vest and as it pop tarts out of the water, the croc lunges for it. As the croc goes for the vest, Hector makes his dash for the chopper. In almost an instant, he's climbing on board as the croc pulls the vest into darkness underwater. Hector's up on the chopper's ski. HECTOR Move over!! The crocodile's head comes thrusting up, its massive jaws snapping shut, missing Hector by an inch, maybe two. Hector dives into the chopper, screaming. GARE Go!! She REVS the CHOPPER. The croc comes up again, chomping down on one of the landing skis. Both Gare and Hector scream as the whole helicopter is jerked mightily. GARE (CONT'D) (screaming) Go!!! HECTOR I'm trying!!! The croc releases and the chopper rights itself and begins to thrust off, when the croc surfaces again, mouth open. Gare FIRES her REVOLVER. It might as well shoot BB's. The croc is undaunted but he does miss the ski and by now the chopper is up and running, finally safely out of the reptile's reach. CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Jack is nearly manhandling Hector, pulling him by the elbow towards his tent. Kelly and Keough are there too. JACK (livid) This time, I'm gonna kick your ass. HECTOR Bastard bit my chopper. JACK Hey!! Jack simply grabs his arm and squeezes a pressure point. Hector yelps in pain. JACK (CONT'D) You wanna kill yourself, that it, you looking to commit some kind of divine suicide? KELLY Alright, Jack! JACK No! (back to Hector) You might think they're Godly, you might get some spiritual lift backstrokin' with dragons but you just put a deputy at risk and-- HECTOR (flaring) Let's not overlook he didn't eat me, maybe-- JACK 'Cause he just ate a cow, you stupid-- KELLY Jack! HECTOR I'm a civilian! You don't have any authority-- KEOUGH I can arrest you!! HECTOR Then do it!! KEOUGH You probably do want to be killed by it, that was you trying to meet your maker. HECTOR So profound and fat. Hector, feelings hurt, stomps off again. Kelly looks at Jack. Then Kelly follows Hector. INT. HECTOR'S TENT - A MINUTE LATER Hector enters, sits. A beat. Kelly enters, goes to sit next to him. KELLY (softly) Did you want to be killed by it? HECTOR You think I'm that nuts? KELLY (softly) Hector. (then) What you just did... there was at least some sort of a death wish going on. HECTOR Nothing's real. KELLY Excuse me? HECTOR Nothing's real. (escalating) I'm rich, people are automatically my friends, sycophants ooze out like oil slicks and and and-- He's sounding erratic. HECTOR (CONT'D) With crocodiles... everything's even. KELLY I'm no psychiatrist. But I would think there have to be better places to look for autonomy, than-- HECTOR (pained) I'm an empty man, Kelly, wealth has robbed me of the dream in life, I sit here broken, a hollow sack-- KELLY Oh, bullshit. And Hector drops the act. HECTOR Didn't even sound good? KELLY No. HECTOR (worth a try) Eh. Fuck it. KELLY Can I tell them you won't go back in the water? HECTOR Yes. You may. But maybe... I don't know... He has trouble saying it. KELLY What? HECTOR Could we have intercourse? She just whacks him. Then exits. OFF Hector, "worth a shot", we: CUT TO: EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY Jack and Keough are there to meet Kelly. JACK Just heard from Wildlife and Florida Fish And Game. They should be here by four. KELLY Okay. JACK We might as well pack. KELLY Good idea. HECTOR (O.S.) They'll kill him. They turn to see, Hector is standing there. HECTOR They're not going to be able to snag him in pitmans. Tranq him in water, he drowns. KELLY They could try to tranq him on land. HECTOR (knowing) They won't. He's taken human life, the mission will be to put him down. KEOUGH Gee, that would really disappoint me. HECTOR Forget about him being God, he's thirty feet long, he is a miracle of nature, who somehow made his way to Maine. This is a grand beast. A grand dragon. An attempt should at least be made to capture him alive. JACK Well, you can try talking them into that, if-- HECTOR I have enough flaxedil with me to put him out. And I think I know a way to-- JACK Forget it. HECTOR Look. I know I'm crazy, but when they come, they will kill it. They have to, politically, he's too dangerous, if something were to go wrong... the odds are he will be destroyed,-- KEOUGH HECTOR (CONT'D) Which is exactly Please, Hank, let me finish what... I'm having a sane moment, this is a window. HECTOR (CONT'D) If he were neutralized when they got here... they might consider saving him. KELLY And how would we neutralize him? HECTOR We lure him on land and pump him with the drugs. JACK No way. HECTOR Jack. We've all seen it. He's probably a hundred and fifty years old, he's bigger than an elephant. Hector's impassioned here, he's not fooling around. JACK So maybe Wildlife will try to save him, they're more equipped to-- HECTOR We both know what they'll do. Silence. Admission by silence. Then-- JACK Even if we could tranq him-- how would we get him on land. KEOUGH Other than to eat us? HECTOR He follows anything that moves. You guys can be in the trucks with tranq guns. If he charges, drive off, plus Hank you've got your hand- held cannon. We could do this with no safety risk. If it works, we save a beast that should be saved. A beat. They are sympathetic to the idea. JACK And again. How would you get him on land? HECTOR That's actually the easy part. CUT TO: EXT. BICKERMAN'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER We HEAR the CHOPPER. BICKERMAN (to Keough) I'll sue you. KEOUGH Go ahead. And up goes Hector's chopper. And... REVEAL connected to a long cable... a cow. An airborne cow, dangling from the chopper. BICKERMAN (to Jack) You can't take a cow by eminent domain. JACK We won't let him get hurt, Ma'am. BICKERMAN You're all fuckers. Vicious little fuckers. Jack turns to Kelly. JACK Are we crazy? KELLY Well... JACK We've got a cow hanging from a helicopter. She shrugs. KEOUGH Let's get back to camp. CUT TO: INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector pilots. HECTOR Not much drag. As long as I can keep him from swinging, we're okay. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Hector's chopper is flying the befuddled animal toward the cove. FIND Keough, Kelly, and Jack on the water cruising back to camp. Keough has his gun. EXT. CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER Two pickup trucks have been backed in for a shooting vantage. Kelly, Jack, Keough. Riflemen are ready with tranq guns. ANGLE JACK JACK (into headset) Keep enough tension to hold him up, Hector, we don't know if he can swim. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) Right. JACK The more he thrashes, the better. HECTOR (O.S.) (through headset) You ready on shore? JACK We're ready. RESUME The chopper lowers the cow. He starts to kick his legs in anticipation. JACK (O.S.) (through headset) If he tires, lift him out. And the cow goes into the water. He swims frantically a few meters. The chopper lifts him out briefly. JACK It can't work. KELLY He has been going after everything. It could work. (then) But this is not a happy cow. JACK He looks like a giant tea bag. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LAKE - AN HOUR LATER The cow has been dipped more times than a stale donut now and he just hangs there like pasta. Jack, Keough, and Kelly are poised with tranq guns on the beach. JACK (looking through binoculars) He doesn't seem to be swimming. Is he swimming? KELLY (looking through binoculars) He's floating. Take it home. JACK (into headset) Hector. HECTOR (O.S.) Hold on! INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR I got something on the screen. JACK (O.S.) You do? ANGLE THE SCREEN There's a mass... moving toward the cow. HECTOR He's coming. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (into walkie-talkie; now adrenalized) Where? Where? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Thirty meters or so. Moving slow, but straight toward Elsie. JACK Can you confirm visually or just radar? HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie talkie) Radar, he's underwater. But he's definitely coming. JACK Okay. Lead him in. (to the others; barking) Okay, everybody up on the trucks. We aim for the stomach or side... there's little chance the darts will pierce his hide. Everybody up on the trucks. They move into position. INT. HECTOR'S CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR (charged) On our way. There, he's surfacing, there's the snout. You little sucker. EXT. LAKE - CONTINUOUS Sure enough... that giant snout breaks the surface. Ever so calmly... it moves toward the cow. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS KELLY (into walkie-talkie) If he gets close, you go up, Hector, don't you endanger that cow. KEOUGH She's worried about the cow now. HECTOR (O.S.) (through walkie-talkie) He's following. Here we come. ANGLE THE RADAR SCREEN Depicting the same. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK (to Hector) Nice and slow. (to the others) Let's get ready. Hector's chopper, cow dangling, is slowly approaching the shore. Behind it... the snout and eyes of a giant croc. Back on the shore, Keough's men ready themselves for action. Tranq guns. rifles... the team is mobilized. We HEAR a DISTRESSED CRY from the COW. KELLY He's mooing. JACK You wouldn't? KEOUGH They're coming right in. KELLY Such a simple idea and it's working. What does that tell you? KEOUGH That it's about to go wrong. JACK (into walkie talkie) Almost here, Hector. Don't forget to lift up the cow. HECTOR (O.S.) (sarcastic, through walkie talkie) Thank you, Jack. JACK (to the team) You shoot on my order. If he charges, I'll be yelling "go" which means drivers take off. And drive fast, they can move on land. (to Keough) You set? KEOUGH Don't worry about me. Incredibly... the plan is working. A giant dragon is following a dangled suspended cow to the shoreline. Hector dangles the cow closer, they're now nearing shore. The big crocodile, eyes on the prize, is moving in for the flank steak. The time is now. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR We're in about four feet of water now. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS JACK Little closer. Three, two, one... The crocodile then suddenly thrusts up after the cow, snapping at air. Hector pulls up with the chopper. JACK (CONT'D) Fire!! Jack, Gare, and other officers pump the beast with tranq darts. But Hector has taken his chopper up too fast, causing the cow to swing like a pendulum. It rocks the chopper. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS HECTOR Oh, shit. The chopper is in trouble. The cow sways, the helicopter struggles to stay airborne. EXT. BEACH - ANGLE KELLY - CONTINUOUS KELLY (screaming) Watch out!! JACK Keep firing! The men continue to pump the beast with tranquilizing darts. INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS Hector's having trouble righting his chopper. HECTOR Motherfucker. EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS Suddenly the croc goes up and grabs the dangling cow, snapping off the cable. JACK Shit!! And down comes to the chopper, Hector cannot control it. It crashes into the lake. KELLY Hector!! JACK (to Keough) Take him. KEOUGH I can't. I'll get Hector!! JACK Where is he?! KELLY We gotta get to Hector!! JACK (to the driver) Back us in a little, we need to get a shot! Hector pops his head out of the overturned chopper. He looks around. HECTOR Where is he? JACK (to the Deputies) Tranq guns down, rifles up! The men switch guns, under-- JACK (CONT'D) (yelling to Hector) Do not go in that water! (to the driver) Back us in!! As the pick-up backs closer to the shore-- JACK (CONT'D) (to Keough) If you get a safe shot... KEOUGH I'll take it! JACK Hector. Do not move. The water is calm again. A beat. JACK (CONT'D) (to Gare) You see anything? GARE (looking through binocs) Nothing. Maybe he swam out. Upon which the croc comes thrusting up out of the water charging the truck. Screams. JACK Go!! Drive!! The pick-up spins dirt, lurches forward, throwing Keough off balance. The croc heads back for the water as Keough regains his balance. JACK (CONT'D) Take him!! And Keough blasts. It detonates the ground near the croc causing him to surge airborne into the water. And he goes under. Silence. A beat. KELLY Did you get him? KEOUGH I don't know. (to the Driver) Back the truck-- ALL No!!! JACK Hector, you see anything? ANGLE HECTOR on the pontoon of his chopper. He's looking about, studying the water. HECTOR No! KEOUGH (sarcastic) I just have this feeling everything's totally safe. HECTOR (yelling) I see blood. Maybe you got him, Hank. And as Hector looks further. Behind him... up surfaces the crocodile in all his stealth. His head is two feet from Hector and nobody knows it. Least of all Hector. HECTOR (CONT'D) I can't see him, but this is definitely blood. Maybe you got him. And as he turns back, he sees it. The croc comes up as Hector screams, jumps off. Screams. Keough leaps off the truck and charges into the shallow water with his gun, looking to give Hector some cover. Hector then resurfaces swimming to his bobbing chopper. He climbs in. KEOUGH Where is he?! HECTOR I don't know! No sooner said than the croc comes launching up. As he springs toward the open chopper cabin, Hector, leaps out on the other side. The croc's head comes crashing clear through the cabin and he becomes wedged. The crocodile is stuck, he protrudes right through the chopper. He's not completely immobilized but wherever he goes now, the helicopter is going with him. KEOUGH Hector!! But now Jack has joined, rifle in hand. Hector surfaces again, swimming for shore. Jack runs to help him onto land. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (taking aim) Alright. Game over. But the croc looks feeble now. He lets out this MOAN of DEATH. And even Keough hesitates to pull the trigger. KEOUGH (CONT'D) (to Kelly) Should I? KELLY Wait. RESUME The croc, unable to dive, is now thrashing toward the beach. But there's no rage in his behavior now. He seems desperate. He's taken some bullets, he's tired, he's wedged inside a two ton piece of metal and he's exhausted. KELLY I think the drugs are kicking in. Breathing heavily, he lumbers into the shallow water, unable to free himself from the mangled wreckage. As unbelievable as that cow looked dangling from this very chopper, the sight is even more astonishing, if not preposterous, now. A thirty foot exhausted crocodile is wearing the broken helicopter. And he just cannot go on anymore. Kelly, Hector, Jack, Keough, stare back. They approach with caution. They all stare at the tired crocodile. ANGLE THE CROC He's now looking back. Bleeding, gasping... beaten. In his eyes... we can see it. The beast is beaten. ANGLE THE PRINCIPLES There's no triumph. In their eyes... sadness. JACK I don't think we really want to wait for him to catch his breath. It continues to breathe heavily. KELLY He's through fighting. Look at him. JACK I don't care. Hank. End it. Keough raises his cannon. HECTOR No. Look. He's got nothing left. JACK Yeah and every time we think there's no more danger-- Upon which, a twenty footer, another croc, thrusts up out of the water, seizing Hector. Screams. It death rolls Hector, flings him out of his mouth and in seconds, he's coming up for more. Keough blasts his Avenger. A direct hit. It takes the smaller croc's head right off sending it sailing into the air. It splashes down, the first head not to hit Kelly. They all then go for Hector, pulling him to shore. He's bleeding. HECTOR I'm okay. KELLY You're not okay, your leg's a mess. JACK Get him onto shore. KELLY He heeds a tourniquet. Keough quickly peels off his shirt. Gives it to Kelly, who goes to work. KELLY (CONT'D) You're gonna be okay. HECTOR Guess I finally got bit. KELLY Yeah, you got bit. I'm gonna fix it. A sudden ROAR. Kelly screams as Jack and Keough wheel to see... the big croc. Maybe his final roar, he looks weak. GASPING in the crashed chopper. Jack and Keough approach. KEOUGH (quietly; re the big croc) He's done. He's dying. JACK Don't count on it. (then) We better take him out. But something about this crocodile... his eyes looking back at them... nobody wants wants to take him out. ANGLE THE CROC looking back at them. He knows he's in their hands now. He knows. ANGLE THE HUMANS A beat. HECTOR (quiet) Flax him under his tail. Two hundred cc's. Under the tail, that'll put him to sleep. Upon which we HEAR the SOUND of TRUCKS. Florida Fish And Game, U.S. Wildlife, arriving on the scene. JACK Thank God. OFFICER COLSON, Florida Fish And Game, emerges, approaches. Stares with utter disbelief. KELLY We need to get it some medical help. (re Hector) And him too. By now the Florida army has moved in. They all stare with the same suspended disbelief. KEOUGH (explaining) We trapped him with our chopper. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - AN HOUR LATER A crew, including vets, are working on the sedated croc, trying to free it from the wreckage. FIND the PARAMEDICS with Hector, on a stretcher. Jack, Kelly, and Keough are there. PARAMEDIC We're gonna airvac him to Portland. KELLY Okay. (to Hector) That's where they're taking the croc, Hector, they've got some big tank there. HECTOR He's gonna live? KELLY Yeah. Thanks to you. HECTOR And Hank. (to Keough) I know you weren't really trying to hit him. KEOUGH (gently) I was aiming for you. Hector smiles. HECTOR Thanks for the rescue. Jack leans down. JACK You take care. HECTOR You talk to Bickerman? JACK She didn't tell us about the other croc 'cause she was afraid we'd blow it's head off. HECTOR Women's intuition. Are there anymore? JACK Just those two. PARAMEDIC We gotta take him. JACK Okay. PARAMEDIC We got room for one. JACK Well... I got stuff to pack up and... He looks to Kelly, but before she can say "yes"-- KEOUGH (grudging) I'll go. Hector smiles. The Paramedics board Hector. Keough turns to Jack. KEOUGH Thanks for your help. JACK You too. Handshake. Respect. That's about as much affection as you get from Keough. He then extends his hand to Kelly. KELLY I'm sure this would offend you on principal but... could we keep in touch? KEOUGH I guess. And she kisses him on the cheek. Keough fights off his blush, boards the chopper. As it then lifts up, Kelly turns to Jack. KELLY Well... JACK You wanna ride in my truck? GARE (arriving) Your truck is jammed. Should we take some stuff out? KELLY No, no, I'll be a while anyway. I'm gonna say goodbye to the lake. JACK You sure? I don't mind... KELLY No, I actually want to stay for a little while. They hold a look. Then-- KELLY (CONT'D) I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. And she kisses his cheek. JACK If I'm ever in New York... KELLY Yeah. They hold another look. JACK Y'know, if we didn't live in separate worlds and... (a beat) KELLY But we do. (then) Hey, we'll always have Maine. He smiles. JACK It was... something meeting you. KELLY Likewise. He kisses her hand. Holds a look. Heads off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The tents are down, everything's packed. A couple trucks remain. The croc is gone. Things are quiet. Kelly stands down by the water, staring out. HER P.O.V. Hypnotic beauty. The lake doesn't even ripple. She soaks it in as if she knows it may be a while before she ever gets close to this again. She HEARS every BIRD. Including a DISTANT LOON. Serenity has returned. Then suddenly... a stone goes skipping out, four, five, six skips. Kelly turns around. Jack stands there. They hold a look. JACK I thought I should say goodbye to the lake too. He approaches. Takes her hand. KELLY (weakly) Different worlds, Jack. JACK Yeah, I thought about that as I was driving... and... I haven't found somebody in my world. You found anyone in yours? KELLY No. JACK So I was thinking... maybe if I met anybody in my world who was good for you and if you know somebody in New York good for me, we could fix | reported | How many times the word 'reported' appears in the text? | 1 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | can | How many times the word 'can' appears in the text? | 3 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | tread | How many times the word 'tread' appears in the text? | 3 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | coming | How many times the word 'coming' appears in the text? | 3 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | se | How many times the word 'se' appears in the text? | 0 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | backbone | How many times the word 'backbone' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | court | How many times the word 'court' appears in the text? | 3 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | looking | How many times the word 'looking' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | ten | How many times the word 'ten' appears in the text? | 3 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | side | How many times the word 'side' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | taproom | How many times the word 'taproom' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | fox | How many times the word 'fox' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | bound | How many times the word 'bound' appears in the text? | 0 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | penny | How many times the word 'penny' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | will | How many times the word 'will' appears in the text? | 2 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | ah | How many times the word 'ah' appears in the text? | 0 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | confronted | How many times the word 'confronted' appears in the text? | 1 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | lauded | How many times the word 'lauded' appears in the text? | 1 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | belong | How many times the word 'belong' appears in the text? | 0 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | pondre | How many times the word 'pondre' appears in the text? | 0 |
workmen will lodge at the cottages and spend part of their wages at the shops, and you who are a Stornham workman will earn the money to be made out of a rather large contract." Joe Buttle became quite hot. If you have brought up a family for years on the proceeds of such jobs as driving a ten-penny nail in here or there, tinkering a hole in a cottage roof, knocking up a shelf in the vicarage kitchen, and mending a panel of fence, to be suddenly confronted with a proposal to engage workmen and undertake "contracts" is shortening to the breath and heating to the blood. "Miss," he said, "we've never done big jobs, Sim Soames an' me. P'raps we're not up to it--but it'd be a fortune to us." She was looking down at one of her papers and making pencil marks on it. "You did some work last year on a little house at Tidhurst, didn't you?" she said. To think of her knowing that! Yes, the unaccountable good luck had actually come to him that two Tidhurst carpenters, falling ill of the same typhoid at the same time, through living side by side in the same order of unsanitary cottage, he and Sim had been given their work to finish, and had done their best. "Yes, miss," he answered. "I heard that when I was inquiring about you. I drove over to Tidhurst to see the work, and it was very sound and well done. If you did that, I can at least trust you to do something at the Court which will prove to me what you are equal to. I want a Stornham man to undertake this." "No Tidhurst man," said Joe Buttle, with sudden courage, "nor yet no Barnhurst, nor yet no Yangford, nor Wratcham shall do it, if I can look it in the face. It's Stornham work and Stornham had ought to have it. It gives me a brace-up to hear of it." The tall young lady laughed beautifully and got up. "Come to the Court to-morrow morning at ten, and we will look it over together," she said. "Good-morning, Buttle." And she went away. In the taproom of The Clock, when Joe Buttle dropped in for his pot of beer, he found Fox, the saddler, and Tread, the blacksmith, and each of them fell upon the others with something of the same story to tell. The new young lady from the Court had been to see them, too, and had brought to each her definite little note-book. Harness was to be repaired and furbished up, the big carriage and the old phaeton were to be put in order, and Master Ughtred's cart was to be given new paint and springs. "This is what she said," Fox's story ran, "and she said it so straightforward and business-like that the conceitedest man that lived couldn't be upset by it. 'I want to see what you can do,' she says. 'I am new to the place and I must find out what everyone can do, then I shall know what to do myself.' The way she sets them eyes on a man is a sight. It's the sense in them and the human nature that takes you." "Yes, it's the sense," said Tread, "and her looking at you as if she expected you to have sense yourself, and understand that she's doing fair business. It's clear-headed like--her asking questions and finding out what Stornham men can do. She's having the old things done up so that she can find out, and so that she can prove that the Court work is going to be paid for. That's my belief." "But what does it all mean?" said Joe Buttle, setting his pot of beer down on the taproom table, round which they sat in conclave. "Where's the money coming from? There's money somewhere." Tread was the advanced thinker of the village. He had come--through reverses--from a bigger place. He read the newspapers. "It'll come from where it's got a way of coming," he gave forth portentously. "It'll come from America. How they manage to get hold of so much of it there is past me. But they've got it, dang 'em, and they're ready to spend it for what they want, though they're a sharp lot. Twelve years ago there was a good bit of talk about her ladyship's father being one of them with the fullest pockets. She came here with plenty, but Sir Nigel got hold of it for his games, and they're the games that cost money. Her ladyship wasn't born with a backbone, poor thing, but this new one was, and her ladyship's father is her father, and you mark my words, there's money coming into Stornham, though it's not going to be played the fool with. Lord, yes! this new one has a backbone and good strong wrists and a good strong head, though I must say"--with a little masculine chuckle of admission--"it's a bit unnatural with them eyelashes and them eyes looking at you between 'em. Like blue water between rushes in the marsh." Before the next twenty-four hours had passed a still more unlooked-for event had taken place. Long outstanding bills had been paid, and in as matter-of-fact manner as if they had not been sent in and ignored, in some cases for years. The settlement of Joe Buttle's account sent him to bed at the day's end almost light-headed. To become suddenly the possessor of thirty-seven pounds, fifteen and tenpence half-penny, of which all hope had been lost three years ago, was almost too much for any man. Six pounds, eight pounds, ten pounds, came into places as if sovereigns had been sixpences, and shillings farthings. More than one cottage woman, at the sight of the hoarded wealth in her staring goodman's hand, gulped and began to cry. If they had had it before, and in driblets, it would have been spent long since, now, in a lump, it meant shoes and petticoats and tea and sugar in temporary abundance, and the sense of this abundance was felt to be entirely due to American magic. America was, in fact, greatly lauded and discussed, the case of "Gaarge" Lumsden being much quoted. CHAPTER XXI KEDGERS The work at Stornham Court went on steadily, though with no greater rapidity than is usually achieved by rural labourers. There was, however, without doubt, a certain stimulus in the occasional appearance of Miss Vanderpoel, who almost daily sauntered round the place to look on, and exchange a few words with the workmen. When they saw her coming, the men, hastily standing up to touch their foreheads, were conscious of a slight acceleration of being which was not quite the ordinary quickening produced by the presence of employers. It was, in fact, a sensation rather pleasing than anxious. Her interest in the work was, upon the whole, one which they found themselves beginning to share. The unusualness of the situation--a young woman, who evidently stood for many things and powers desirable, employing labourers and seeming to know what she intended them to do--was a thing not easy to get over, or be come accustomed to. But there she was, as easy and well mannered as you please--and with gentlefolks' ways, though, as an American, such finish could scarcely be expected from her. She knew each man's name, it was revealed gradually, and, what was more, knew what he stood for in the village, what cottage he lived in, how many children he had, and something about his wife. She remembered things and made inquiries which showed knowledge. Besides this, she represented, though perhaps they were scarcely yet fully awake to the fact, the promise their discouraged dulness had long lost sight of. It actually became apparent that her ladyship, who walked with her, was altering day by day. Was it true that the bit of colour they had heard spoken of when she returned from town was deepening and fixing itself on her cheek? It sometimes looked like it. Was she a bit less stiff and shy-like and frightened in her way? Buttle mentioned to his friends at The Clock that he was sure of it. She had begun to look a man in the face when she talked, and more than once he had heard her laugh at things her sister said. To one man more than to any other had come an almost unspeakable piece of luck through the new arrival--a thing which to himself, at least, was as the opening of the heavens. This man was the discouraged Kedgers. Miss Vanderpoel, coming with her ladyship to talk to him, found that the man was a person of more experience than might have been imagined. In his youth he had been an under gardener at a great place, and being fond of his work, had learned more than under gardeners often learn. He had been one of a small army of workers under the orders of an imposing head gardener, whose knowledge was a science. He had seen and taken part in what was done in orchid houses, orangeries, vineries, peach houses, conservatories full of wondrous tropical plants. But it was not easy for a man like himself, uneducated and lacking confidence of character, to advance as a bolder young man might have done. The all-ruling head gardener had inspired him with awe. He had watched him reverently, accumulating knowledge, but being given, as an underling, no opportunity to do more than obey orders. He had spent his life in obeying, and congratulated himself that obedience secured him his weekly wage. "He was a great man--Mr. Timson--he was," he said, in talking to Miss Vanderpoel. "Ay, he was that. Knew everything that could happen to a flower or a s'rub or a vegetable. Knew it all. Had a lib'ery of books an' read 'em night an' day. Head gardener's cottage was good enough for gentry. The old Markis used to walk round the hothouses an' gardens talking to him by the hour. If you did what he told you EXACTLY like he told it to you, then you were all right, but if you didn't--well, you was off the place before you'd time to look round. Worked under him from twenty to forty. Then he died an' the new one that came in had new ways. He made a clean sweep of most of us. The men said he was jealous of Mr. Timson." "That was bad for you, if you had a wife and children," Miss Vanderpoel said. "Eight of us to feed," Kedgers answered. "A man with that on him can't wait, miss. I had to take the first place I could get. It wasn't a good one--poor parsonage with a big family an' not room on the place for the vegetables they wanted. Cabbages, an' potatoes, an' beans, an' broccoli. No time nor ground for flowers. Used to seem as if flowers got to be a kind of dream." Kedgers gave vent to a deprecatory half laugh. "Me--I was fond of flowers. I wouldn't have asked no better than to live among 'em. Mr. Timson gave me a book or two when his lordship sent him a lot of new ones. I've bought a few myself--though I suppose I couldn't afford it." From the poor parsonage he had gone to a market gardener, and had evidently liked the work better, hard and unceasing as it had been, because he had been among flowers again. Sudden changes from forcing houses to chill outside dampness had resulted in rheumatism. After that things had gone badly. He began to be regarded as past his prime of strength. Lower wages and labour still as hard as ever, though it professed to be lighter, and therefore cheaper. At last the big neglected gardens of Stornham. "What I'm seeing, miss, all the time, is what could be done with 'em. Wonderful it'd be. They might be the show of the county-if we had Mr. Timson here." Miss Vanderpoel, standing in the sunshine on the broad weed-grown pathway, was conscious that he was remotely moving. His flowers--his flowers. They had been the centre of his rudimentary rural being. Each man or woman cared for some one thing, and the unfed longing for it left the life of the creature a thwarted passion. Kedgers, yearning to stir the earth about the roots of blooming things, and doomed to broccoli and cabbage, had spent his years unfed. No thing is a small thing. Kedgers, with the earth under his broad finger nails, and his half apologetic laugh, being the centre of his own world, was as large as Mount Dunstan, who stood thwarted in the centre of his. Chancing-for God knows what mystery of reason-to be born one of those having power, one might perhaps set in order a world like Kedgers'. "In the course of twenty years' work under Timson," she said, "you must have learned a great deal from him." "A good bit, miss-a good bit," admitted Kedgers. "If I hadn't ha' cared for the work, I might ha' gone on doing it with my eyes shut, but I didn't. Mr. Timson's heart was set on it as well as his head. An' mine got to be. But I wasn't even second or third under him--I was only one of a lot. He would have thought me fine an' impident if I'd told him I'd got to know a good deal of what he knew--and had some bits of ideas of my own." "If you had men enough under you, and could order all you want," Miss Vanderpoel said tentatively, "you know what the place should be, no doubt." "That I do, miss," answered Kedgers, turning red with feeling. "Why, if the soil was well treated, anything would grow here. There's situations for everything. There's shade for things that wants it, and south aspects for things that won't grow without the warmth of 'em. Well, I've gone about many a day when I was low down in my mind and worked myself up to being cheerful by just planning where I could put things and what they'd look like. Liliums, now, I could grow them in masses from June to October." He was becoming excited, like a war horse scenting battle from afar, and forgot himself. "The Lilium Giganteum--I don't know whether you've ever seen one, miss--but if you did, it'd almost take your breath away. A Lilium that grows twelve feet high and more, and has a flower like a great snow-white trumpet, and the scent pouring out of it so that it floats for yards. There's a place where I could grow them so that you'd come on them sudden, and you'd think they couldn't be true." "Grow them, Kedgers, begin to grow them," said Miss Vanderpoel. "I have never seen them--I must see them." Kedgers' low, deprecatory chuckle made itself heard again, "Perhaps I'm going too fast," he said. "It would take a good bit of expense to do it, miss. A good bit." Then Miss Vanderpoel made--and she made it in the simplest matter-of-fact manner, too--the startling remark which, three hours later, all Stornham village had heard of. The most astounding part of the remark was that it was uttered as if there was nothing in it which was not the absolutely natural outcome of the circumstances of the case. "Expense which is proper and necessary need not be considered," she said. "Regular accounts will be kept and supervised, but you can have all that is required." Then it appeared that Kedgers almost became pale. Being a foreigner, perhaps she did not know how much she was implying when she said such a thing to a man who had never held a place like Timson's. "Miss," he hesitated, even shamefacedly, because to suggest to such a fine-mannered, calm young lady that she might be ignorant, seemed perilously near impertinence. "Miss, did you mean you wanted only the Lilium Giganteum, or--or other things, as well." "I should like to see," she answered him, "all that you see. I should like to hear more of it all, when we have time to talk it over. I understand we should need time to discuss plans." The quiet way she went on! Seeming to believe in him, almost as if he was Mr. Timson. The old feeling, born and fostered by the great head gardener's rule, reasserted itself. "It means more to work--and someone over them, miss," he said. "If--if you had a man like Mr. Timson----" "You have not forgotten what you learned. With men enough under you it can be put into practice." "You mean you'd trust me, miss--same as if I was Mr. Timson?" "Yes. If you ever feel the need of a man like Timson, no doubt we can find one. But you will not. You love the work too much." Then still standing in the sunshine, on the weed-grown path, she continued to talk to him. It revealed itself that she understood a good deal. As he was to assume heavier responsibilities, he was to receive higher wages. It was his experience which was to be considered, not his years. This was a new point of view. The mere propeller of wheel-barrows and digger of the soil--particularly after having been attacked by rheumatism--depreciates in value after youth is past. Kedgers knew that a Mr. Timson, with a regiment of under gardeners, and daily increasing knowledge of his profession, could continue to direct, though years rolled by. But to such fortune he had not dared to aspire. One of the lodges might be put in order for him to live in. He might have the hothouses to put in order, too; he might have implements, plants, shrubs, even some of the newer books to consult. Kedgers' brain reeled. "You--think I am to be trusted, miss?" he said more than once. "You think it would be all right? I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson--but--if I say it as shouldn't--I never lost a chance of learning things. I was just mad about it. T'aint only Liliums--Lord, I know 'em all, as if they were my own children born an' bred--shrubs, coniferas, herbaceous borders that bloom in succession. My word! what you can do with just delphiniums an' campanula an' acquilegia an' poppies, everyday things like them, that'll grow in any cottage garden, an' bulbs an' annuals! Roses, miss--why, Mr. Timson had them in thickets--an' carpets--an' clambering over trees and tumbling over walls in sheets an' torrents--just know their ways an' what they want, an' they'll grow in a riot. But they want feeding--feeding. A rose is a gross feeder. Feed a Glory deejon, and watch over him, an' he'll cover a housetop an' give you two bloomings." "I have never lived in an English garden. I should like to see this one at its best." Leaving her with salutes of abject gratitude, Kedgers moved away bewildered. What man could believe it true? At three or four yards' distance he stopped and, turning, came back to touch his cap again. "You understand, miss," he said. "I wasn't even second or third under Mr. Timson. I'm not deceiving you, am I, miss?" "You are to be trusted," said Miss Vanderpoel, "first because you love the things--and next because of Timson." CHAPTER XXII ONE OF MR. VANDERPOEL'S LETTERS Mr. Germen, the secretary of the great Mr. Vanderpoel, in arranging the neat stacks of letters preparatory to his chief's entrance to his private room each morning, knowing where each should be placed, understood that such as were addressed in Miss Vanderpoel's hand would be read before anything else. This had been the case even when she had just been placed in a French school, a tall, slim little girl, with immense demanding eyes, and a thick black plait of hair swinging between her straight, rather thin, shoulders. Between other financial potentates and their little girls, Mr. Germen knew that the oddly confidential relation which existed between these two was unusual. Her schoolgirl letters, it had been understood, should be given the first place on the stacks of envelopes each incoming ocean steamer brought in its mail bags. Since the beginning of her visit to her sister, Lady Anstruthers, the exact dates of mail steamers seemed to be of increased importance. Miss Vanderpoel evidently found much to write about. Each steamer brought a full-looking envelope to be placed in a prominent position. On a hot morning in the early summer Mr. Germen found two or three--two of them of larger size and seeming to contain business papers. These he placed where they would be seen at once. Mr. Vanderpoel was a little later than usual in his arrival. At this season he came from his place in the country, and before leaving it this morning he had been talking to his wife, whom he found rather disturbed by a chance encounter with a young woman who had returned to visit her mother after a year spent in England with her English husband. This young woman, now Lady Bowen, once Milly Jones, had been one of the amusing marvels of New York. A girl neither rich nor so endowed by nature as to be able to press upon the world any special claim to consideration as a beauty, her enterprise, and the daring of her tactics, had been the delight of many a satiric onlooker. In her schooldays she had ingenuously mapped out her future career. Other American girls married men with titles, and she intended to do the same thing. The other little girls laughed, but they liked to hear her talk. All information regarding such unions as was to be found in the newspapers and magazines, she collected and studiously read--sometimes aloud to her companions. Social paragraphs about royalties, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, court balls and glittering functions, she devoured and learned by heart. An abominably vulgar little person, she was an interestingly pertinacious creature, and wrought night and day at acquiring an air of fashionable elegance, at first naturally laying it on in such manner as suggested that it should be scraped off with a knife, but with experience gaining a certain specious knowledge of forms. How the over-mature child at school had assimilated her uncanny young worldliness, it would have been less difficult to decide, if possible sources had been less numerous. The air was full of it, the literature of the day, the chatter of afternoon teas, the gossip of the hour. Before she was fifteen she saw the indiscretion of her childish frankness, and realised that it might easily be detrimental to her ambitions. She said no more of her plans for her future, and even took the astute tone of carelessly treating as a joke her vulgar little past. But no titled foreigner appeared upon the horizon without setting her small, but business-like, brain at work. Her lack of wealth and assured position made her situation rather hopeless. She was not of the class of lucky young women whose parents' gorgeous establishments offered attractions to wandering persons of rank. She and her mother lived in a flat, and gave rather pathetic afternoon teas in return for such more brilliant hospitalities as careful and pertinacious calling and recalling obliged their acquaintances to feel they could not decently be left wholly out of. Milly and her anxious mother had worked hard. They lost no opportunity of writing a note, or sending a Christmas card, or an economical funeral wreath. By daily toil and the amicable ignoring of casualness of manner or slights, they managed to cling to the edge of the precipice of social oblivion, into whose depths a lesser degree of assiduity, or a greater sensitiveness, would have plunged them. Once--early in Milly's career, when her ever-ready chatter and her superficial brightness were a novelty, it had seemed for a short time that luck might be glancing towards her. A young man of foreign title and of Bohemian tastes met her at a studio dance, and, misled by the smartness of her dress and her always carefully carried air of careless prosperity, began to pay a delusive court to her. For a few weeks all her freshest frocks were worn assiduously and credit was strained to buy new ones. The flat was adorned with fresh flowers and several new yellow and pale blue cushions appeared at the little teas, which began to assume a more festive air. Desirable people, who went ordinarily to the teas at long intervals and through reluctant weakness, or sometimes rebellious amiability, were drummed up and brought firmly to the fore. Milly herself began to look pink and fluffy through mere hopeful good spirits. Her thin little laugh was heard incessantly, and people amusedly if they were good-tempered, derisively if they were spiteful, wondered if it really would come to something. But it did not. The young foreigner suddenly left New York, making his adieus with entire lightness. There was the end of it. He had heard something about lack of income and uncertainty of credit, which had suggested to him that discretion was the better part of valour. He married later a young lady in the West, whose father was a solid person. Less astute young women, under the circumstances, would have allowed themselves a week or so of headache or influenza, but Milly did not. She made calls in the new frocks, and with such persistent spirit that she fished forth from the depths of indifferent hospitality two or three excellent invitations. She wore her freshest pink frock, and an amazingly clever little Parisian diamond crescent in her hair, at the huge Monson ball at Delmonico's, and it was recorded that it was on that glittering occasion that her "Uncle James" was first brought upon the scene. He was only mentioned lightly at first. It was to Milly's credit that he was not made too much of. He was casually touched upon as a very rich uncle, who lived in Dakota, and had actually lived there since his youth, letting his few relations know nothing of him. He had been rather a black sheep as a boy, but Milly's mother had liked him, and, when he had run away from New York, he had told her what he was going to do, and had kissed her when she cried, and had taken her daguerreotype with him. Now he had written, and it turned out that he was enormously rich, and was interested in Milly. From that time Uncle James formed an atmosphere. He did not appear in New York, but Milly spent the next season in London, and the Monsons, being at Hurlingham one day, had her pointed out to them as a new American girl, who was the idol of a millionaire uncle. She was not living in an ultra fashionable quarter, or with ultra fashionable people, but she was, on all occasions, they heard, beautifully dressed and beautifully--if a little heavily--hung with gauds and gems, her rings being said to be quite amazing and suggesting an impassioned lavishness on the part of Uncle James. London, having become inured to American marvels--Milly's bit of it--accepted and enjoyed Uncle James and all the sumptuous attributes of his Dakota. English people would swallow anything sometimes, Mrs. Monson commented sagely, and yet sometimes they stared and evidently thought you were lying about the simplest things. Milly's corner of South Kensington had gulped down the Dakota uncle. Her managing in this way, if there was no uncle, was too clever and amusing. She had left her mother at home to scrimp and save, and by hook or by crook she had contrived to get a number of quite good things to wear. She wore them with such an air of accustomed resource that the jewels might easily--mixed with some relics of her mother's better days--be of the order of the clever little Parisian diamond crescent. It was Milly's never-laid-aside manner which did it. The announcement of her union with Sir Arthur Bowen was received in certain New York circles with little suppressed shrieks of glee. It had been so sharp of her to aim low and to realise so quickly that she could not aim high. The baronetcy was a recent one, and not unconnected with trade. Sir Arthur was not a rich man, and, had it leaked out, believed in Uncle James. If he did not find him all his fancy painted, Milly was clever enough to keep him quiet. She was, when all was said and done, one of the American women of title, her servants and the tradespeople addressed her as "my lady," and with her capacity for appropriating what was most useful, and her easy assumption of possessing all required, she was a very smart person indeed. She provided herself with an English accent, an English vocabulary, and an English manner, and in certain circles was felt to be most impressive. At an afternoon function in the country Mrs. Vanderpoel had met Lady Bowen. She had been one of the few kindly ones, who in the past had given an occasional treat to Milly Jones for her girlhood's sake. Lady Bowen, having gathered a small group of hearers, was talking volubly to it, when the nice woman entered, and, catching sight of her, she swept across the room. It would not have been like Milly to fail to see and greet at once the wife of Reuben Vanderpoel. She would count anywhere, even in London sets it was not easy to connect one's self with. She had already discovered that there were almost as many difficulties to be surmounted in London by the wife of an unimportant baronet as there had been to be overcome in New York by a girl without money or place. It was well to | another | How many times the word 'another' appears in the text? | 0 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | fell | How many times the word 'fell' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | vision | How many times the word 'vision' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | hung | How many times the word 'hung' appears in the text? | 2 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | alive | How many times the word 'alive' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | upon | How many times the word 'upon' appears in the text? | 3 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | othello | How many times the word 'othello' appears in the text? | 2 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | noticed | How many times the word 'noticed' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | name | How many times the word 'name' appears in the text? | 3 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | chit | How many times the word 'chit' appears in the text? | 0 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | sorrowing | How many times the word 'sorrowing' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | sight | How many times the word 'sight' appears in the text? | 2 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | mighty | How many times the word 'mighty' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | learned | How many times the word 'learned' appears in the text? | 2 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | days | How many times the word 'days' appears in the text? | 3 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | estim | How many times the word 'estim' appears in the text? | 0 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | fortunately | How many times the word 'fortunately' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | ass | How many times the word 'ass' appears in the text? | 0 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | white | How many times the word 'white' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | smelt | How many times the word 'smelt' appears in the text? | 1 |
would be devoted to music. 'What do you mean by the rest of the time?' I asked. 'Five days,' he said, with decision. I asked him if I should then be free and he said, 'You will be free, Christine, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then, from time to time, you will come to see your poor Erik!' He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wing of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Konigsberg cellars. Erik did not eat or drink. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of Erik did not point to his Scandinavian origin. He said that he had no name and no country and that he had taken the name of Erik by accident. "After lunch, he rose and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying he would like to show me over his flat; but I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered that his hands smelt of death. 'Oh, forgive me!' he moaned. And he opened a door before me. 'This is my bedroom, if you care to see it. It is rather curious.' His manners, his words, his attitude gave me confidence and I went in without hesitation. I felt as if I were entering the room of a dead person. The walls were all hung with black, but, instead of the white trimmings that usually set off that funereal upholstery, there was an enormous stave of music with the notes of the DIES IRAE, many times repeated. In the middle of the room was a canopy, from which hung curtains of red brocaded stuff, and, under the canopy, an open coffin. 'That is where I sleep,' said Erik. 'One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity.' The sight upset me so much that I turned away my head. "Then I saw the keyboard of an organ which filled one whole side of the walls. On the desk was a music-book covered with red notes. I asked leave to look at it and read, 'Don Juan Triumphant.' 'Yes,' he said, 'I compose sometimes.' I began that work twenty years ago. When I have finished, I shall take it away with me in that coffin and never wake up again.' 'You must work at it as seldom as you can,' I said. He replied, 'I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time.' 'Will you play me something out of your Don Juan Triumphant?' I asked, thinking to please him. 'You must never ask me that,' he said, in a gloomy voice. 'I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven.' Thereupon we returned to the drawing-room. I noticed that there was no mirror in the whole apartment. I was going to remark upon this, but Erik had already sat down to the piano. He said, 'You see, Christine, there is some music that is so terrible that it consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to Paris. Let us sing something from the Opera, Christine Daae.' He spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me." "What did you do?" "I had no time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sang Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Erik's black mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. He was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the FACE of the voice, and, with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh, horror, horror, horror!" Christine stopped, at the thought of the vision that had scared her, while the echoes of the night, which had repeated the name of Erik, now thrice moaned the cry: "Horror! ... Horror! ... Horror!" Raoul and Christine, clasping each other closely, raised their eyes to the stars that shone in a clear and peaceful sky. Raoul said: "Strange, Christine, that this calm, soft night should be so full of plaintive sounds. One would think that it was sorrowing with us." "When you know the secret, Raoul, your ears, like mine, will be full of lamentations." She took Raoul's protecting hands in hers and, with a long shiver, continued: "Yes, if I lived to be a hundred, I should always hear the superhuman cry of grief and rage which he uttered when the terrible sight appeared before my eyes ... Raoul, you have seen death's heads, when they have been dried and withered by the centuries, and, perhaps, if you were not the victim of a nightmare, you saw HIS death's head at Perros. And then you saw Red Death stalking about at the last masked ball. But all those death's heads were motionless and their dumb horror was not alive. But imagine, if you can, Red Death's mask suddenly coming to life in order to express, with the four black holes of its eyes, its nose, and its mouth, the extreme anger, the mighty fury of a demon; AND NOT A RAY OF LIGHT FROM THE SOCKETS, for, as I learned later, you can not see his blazing eyes except in the dark. "I fell back against the wall and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, and, as I fell upon my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curses at me. Leaning over me, he cried, 'Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? ... When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." "Enough! Enough!" cried Raoul. "I will kill him. In Heaven's name, Christine, tell me where the dining-room on the lake is! I must kill him!" "Oh, be quiet, Raoul, if you want to know!" "Yes, I want to know how and why you went back; I must know! ... But, in any case, I will kill him!" "Oh, Raoul, listen, listen! ... He dragged me by my hair and then ... and then ... Oh, it is too horrible!" "Well, what? Out with it!" exclaimed Raoul fiercely. "Out with it, quick!" "Then he hissed at me. 'Ah, I frighten you, do I? ... I dare say! ... Perhaps you think that I have another mask, eh, and that this ... this ... my head is a mask? Well,' he roared, 'tear it off as you did the other! Come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!' And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails, tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! ... 'Know,' he shouted, while his throat throbbed and panted like a furnace, 'know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you! ... Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Christine, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again! ... As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back ... but, now that you know my hideousness, you would run away for good... So I shall keep you here! ... Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine, who wanted to see me! ... When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!' "He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went into his room, closed the door and left me alone to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ; and then I began to understand Erik's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about Opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had not a doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering of which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I opened the door that separated us. Erik rose, as I entered, BUT DARED NOT TURN IN MY DIRECTION. 'Erik,' I cried, 'show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if ever again I shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of the splendor of your genius!' Then Erik turned round, for he believed me, and I also had faith in myself. He fell at my feet, with words of love ... with words of love in his dead mouth ... and the music had ceased ... He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. "What more can I tell you, dear? You now know the tragedy. It went on for a fortnight--a fortnight during which I lied to him. My lies were as hideous as the monster who inspired them; but they were the price of my liberty. I burned his mask; and I managed so well that, even when he was not singing, he tried to catch my eye, like a dog sitting by its master. He was my faithful slave and paid me endless little attentions. Gradually, I gave him such confidence that he ventured to take me walking on the banks of the lake and to row me in the boat on its leaden waters; toward the end of my captivity he let me out through the gates that closed the underground passages in the Rue Scribe. Here a carriage awaited us and took us to the Bois. The night when we met you was nearly fatal to me, for he is terribly jealous of you and I had to tell him that you were soon going away ... Then, at last, after a fortnight of that horrible captivity, during which I was filled with pity, enthusiasm, despair and horror by turns, he believed me when I said, 'I WILL COME BACK!'" "And you went back, Christine," groaned Raoul. "Yes, dear, and I must tell you that it was not his frightful threats when setting me free that helped me to keep my word, but the harrowing sob which he gave on the threshold of the tomb. ... That sob attached me to the unfortunate man more than I myself suspected when saying good-by to him. Poor Erik! Poor Erik!" "Christine," said Raoul, rising, "you tell me that you love me; but you had recovered your liberty hardly a few hours before you returned to Erik! Remember the masked ball!" "Yes; and do you remember those hours which I passed with you, Raoul ... to the great danger of both of us?" "I doubted your love for me, during those hours." "Do you doubt it still, Raoul? ... Then know that each of my visits to Erik increased my horror of him; for each of those visits, instead of calming him, as I hoped, made him mad with love! And I am so frightened, so frightened! ..." "You are frightened ... but do you love me? If Erik were good-looking, would you love me, Christine?" She rose in her turn, put her two trembling arms round the young man's neck and said: "Oh, my betrothed of a day, if I did not love you, I would not give you my lips! Take them, for the first time and the last." He kissed her lips; but the night that surrounded them was rent asunder, they fled as at the approach of a storm and their eyes, filled with dread of Erik, showed them, before they disappeared, high up above them, an immense night-bird that stared at them with its blazing eyes and seemed to cling to the string of Apollo's lyre. Chapter XIII A Master-Stroke of the Trap-Door Lover Raoul and Christine ran, eager to escape from the roof and the blazing eyes that showed only in the dark; and they did not stop before they came to the eighth floor on the way down. There was no performance at the Opera that night and the passages were empty. Suddenly, a queer-looking form stood before them and blocked the road: "No, not this way!" And the form pointed to another passage by which they were to reach the wings. Raoul wanted to stop and ask for an explanation. But the form, which wore a sort of long frock-coat and a pointed cap, said: "Quick! Go away quickly!" Christine was already dragging Raoul, compelling him to start running again. "But who is he? Who is that man?" he asked. Christine replied: "It's the Persian." "What's he doing here?" "Nobody knows. He is always in the Opera." "You are making me run away, for the first time in my life. If we really saw Erik, what I ought to have done was to nail him to Apollo's lyre, just as we nail the owls to the walls of our Breton farms; and there would have been no more question of him." "My dear Raoul, you would first have had to climb up to Apollo's lyre: that is no easy matter." "The blazing eyes were there!" "Oh, you are getting like me now, seeing him everywhere! What I took for blazing eyes was probably a couple of stars shining through the strings of the lyre." And Christine went down another floor, with Raoul following her. "As you have quite made up your mind to go, Christine, I assure you it would be better to go at once. Why wait for to-morrow? He may have heard us to-night." "No, no, he is working, I tell you, at his Don Juan Triumphant and not thinking of us." "You're so sure of that you keep on looking behind you!" "Come to my dressing-room." "Hadn't we better meet outside the Opera?" "Never, till we go away for good! It would bring us bad luck, if I did not keep my word. I promised him to see you only here." "It's a good thing for me that he allowed you even that. Do you know," said Raoul bitterly, "that it was very plucky of you to let us play at being engaged?" "Why, my dear, he knows all about it! He said, 'I trust you, Christine. M. de Chagny is in love with you and is going abroad. Before he goes, I want him to be as happy as I am.' Are people so unhappy when they love?" "Yes, Christine, when they love and are not sure of being loved." They came to Christine's dressing-room. "Why do you think that you are safer in this room than on the stage?" asked Raoul. "You heard him through the walls here, therefore he can certainly hear us." "No. He gave me his word not to be behind the walls of my dressing-room again and I believe Erik's word. This room and my bedroom on the lake are for me, exclusively, and not to be approached by him." "How can you have gone from this room into that dark passage, Christine? Suppose we try to repeat your movements; shall we?" "It is dangerous, dear, for the glass might carry me off again; and, instead of running away, I should be obliged to go to the end of the secret passage to the lake and there call Erik." "Would he hear you?" "Erik will hear me wherever I call him. He told me so. He is a very curious genius. You must not think, Raoul, that he is simply a man who amuses himself by living underground. He does things that no other man could do; he knows things which nobody in the world knows." "Take care, Christine, you are making a ghost of him again!" "No, he is not a ghost; he is a man of Heaven and earth, that is all." "A man of Heaven and earth ... that is all! ... A nice way to speak of him! ... And are you still resolved to run away from him?" "Yes, to-morrow." "To-morrow, you will have no resolve left!" "Then, Raoul, you must run away with me in spite of myself; is that understood?" "I shall be here at twelve to-morrow night; I shall keep my promise, whatever happens. You say that, after listening to the performance, he is to wait for you in the dining-room on the lake?" "Yes." "And how are you to reach him, if you don't know how to go out by the glass?" "Why, by going straight to the edge of the lake." Christine opened a box, took out an enormous key and showed it to Raoul. "What's that?" he asked. "The key of the gate to the underground passage in the Rue Scribe." "I understand, Christine. It leads straight to the lake. Give it to me, Christine, will you?" "Never!" she said. "That would be treacherous!" Suddenly Christine changed color. A mortal pallor overspread her features. "Oh heavens!" she cried. "Erik! Erik! Have pity on me!" "Hold your tongue!" said Raoul. "You told me he could hear you!" But the singer's attitude became more and more inexplicable. She wrung her fingers, repeating, with a distraught air: "Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven!" "But what is it? What is it?" Raoul implored. "The ring ... the gold ring he gave me." "Oh, so Erik gave you that ring!" "You know he did, Raoul! But what you don't know is that, when he gave it to me, he said, 'I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!' ... My dear, my dear, the ring is gone! ... Woe to us both!" They both looked for the ring, but could not find it. Christine refused to be pacified. "It was while I gave you that kiss, up above, under Apollo's lyre," she said. "The ring must have slipped from my finger and dropped into the street! We can never find it. And what misfortunes are in store for us now! Oh, to run away!" "Let us run away at once," Raoul insisted, once more. She hesitated. He thought that she was going to say yes... Then her bright pupils became dimmed and she said: "No! To-morrow!" And she left him hurriedly, still wringing and rubbing her fingers, as though she hoped to bring the ring back like that. Raoul went home, greatly perturbed at all that he had heard. [Illustration: They Sat Like that for a Moment in Silence] "If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug," he said, aloud, as he went to bed, "she is lost. But I shall save her." He put out his lamp and felt a need to insult Erik in the dark. Thrice over, he shouted: "Humbug! ... Humbug! ... Humbug!" But, suddenly, he raised himself on his elbow. A cold sweat poured from his temples. Two eyes, like blazing coals, had appeared at the foot of his bed. They stared at him fixedly, terribly, in the darkness of the night. Raoul was no coward; and yet he trembled. He put out a groping, hesitating hand toward the table by his bedside. He found the matches and lit his candle. The eyes disappeared. Still uneasy in his mind, he thought to himself: "She told me that HIS eyes only showed in the dark. His eyes have disappeared in the light, but HE may be there still." And he rose, hunted about, went round the room. He looked under his bed, like a child. Then he thought himself absurd, got into bed again and blew out the candle. The eyes reappeared. He sat up and stared back at them with all the courage he possessed. Then he cried: "Is that you, Erik? Man, genius, or ghost, is it you?" He reflected: "If it's he, he's on the balcony!" Then he ran to the chest of drawers and groped for his revolver. He opened the balcony window, looked out, saw nothing and closed the window again. He went back to bed, shivering, for the night was cold, and put the revolver on the table within his reach. The eyes were still there, at the foot of the bed. Were they between the bed and the window-pane or behind the pane, that is to say, on the balcony? That was what Raoul wanted to know. He also wanted to know if those eyes belonged to a human being... He wanted to know everything. Then, patiently, calmly, he seized his revolver and took aim. He aimed a little above the two eyes. Surely, if they were eyes and if above those two eyes there was a forehead and if Raoul was not too clumsy ... The shot made a terrible din amid the silence of the slumbering house. And, while footsteps came hurrying along the passages, Raoul sat up with outstretched arm, ready to fire again, if need be. This time, the two eyes had disappeared. Servants appeared, carrying lights; Count Philippe, terribly anxious: "What is it?" "I think I have been dreaming," replied the young man. "I fired at two stars that kept me from sleeping." "You're raving! Are you ill? For God's sake, tell me, Raoul: what happened?" And the count seized hold of the revolver. "No, no, I'm not raving... Besides, we shall soon see ..." He got out of bed, put on a dressing-gown and slippers, took a light from the hands of a servant and, opening the window, stepped out on the balcony. The count saw that the window had been pierced by a bullet at a man's height. Raoul was leaning over the balcony with his candle: "Aha!" he said. "Blood! ... Blood! ... Here, there, more blood! ... That's a good thing! A ghost who bleeds is less dangerous!" he grinned. "Raoul! Raoul! Raoul!" The count was shaking him as though he were trying to waken a sleep-walker. "But, my dear brother, I'm not asleep!" Raoul protested impatiently. "You can see the blood for yourself. I thought I had been dreaming and firing at two stars. It was Erik's eyes ... and here is his blood! ... After all, perhaps I was wrong to shoot; and Christine is quite capable of never forgiving me ... All this would not have happened if I had drawn the curtains before going to bed." "Raoul, have you suddenly gone mad? Wake up!" "What, still? You would do better to help me find Erik ... for, after all, a ghost who bleeds can always be found." The count's valet said: "That is so, sir; there is blood on the balcony." The other man-servant brought a lamp, by the light of which they examined the balcony carefully. The marks of blood followed the rail till they reached a gutter-spout; then they went up the gutter-spout. "My dear fellow," said Count Philippe, "you have fired at a cat." "The misfortune is," said Raoul, with a grin, "that it's quite possible. With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!" Raoul went on making this strange sort of remarks which corresponded so intimately and logically with the preoccupation of his brain and which, at the same time, tended to persuade many people that his mind was unhinged. The count himself was seized with this idea; and, later, the examining magistrate, on receiving the report of the commissary of police, came to the same conclusion. "Who is Erik?" asked the count, pressing his brother's hand. "He is my rival. And, if he's not dead, it's a pity." He dismissed the servants with a wave of the hand and the two Chagnys were left alone. But the men were not out of earshot before the count's valet heard Raoul say, distinctly and emphatically: "I shall carry off Christine Daae to-night." This phrase was afterward repeated to M. Faure, the examining-magistrate. But no one ever knew exactly what passed between the two brothers at this interview. The servants declared that this was not their first quarrel. Their voices penetrated the wall; and it was always an actress called Christine Daae that was in question. At breakfast--the early morning breakfast, which the count took in his study--Philippe sent for his brother. Raoul arrived silent and gloomy. The scene was a very short one. Philippe handed his brother a copy of the Epoque and said: "Read that!" The viscount read: "The latest news in the Faubourg is that there is a promise of marriage between Mlle. Christine Daae, the opera-singer, and M. le Vicomte Raoul de Chagny. If the gossips are to be credited, Count Philippe has sworn that, for the first time on record, the Chagnys shall not keep their promise. But, as love is all-powerful, at the Opera as--and even more than--elsewhere, we wonder how Count Philippe intends to prevent the viscount, his brother, from leading the new Margarita to the altar. The two brothers are said to adore each other; but the count is curiously mistaken if he imagines that brotherly love will triumph over love pure and simple." "You see, Raoul," said the count, "you are making us ridiculous! That little girl has turned your head with her ghost-stories." The viscount had evidently repeated Christine's narrative to his brother, during the night. All that he now said was: "Good-by, Philippe." "Have you quite made up your mind? You are going to-night? With her?" No reply. "Surely you will not do anything so foolish? I SHALL know how to prevent you!" "Good-by, Philippe," said the viscount again and left the room. This scene was described to the examining-magistrate by the count himself, who did not see Raoul again until that evening, at the Opera, a few minutes before Christine's disappearance. Raoul, in fact, devoted the whole day to his preparations for the flight. The horses, the carriage, the coachman, the provisions, the luggage, the money required for the journey, the road to be taken (he had resolved not to go by train, so as to throw the ghost off the scent): all this had to be settled and provided for; and it occupied him until nine o'clock at night. At nine o'clock, a sort of traveling-barouche with the curtains of its windows close-down, took its place in the rank on the Rotunda side. It was drawn by two powerful horses driven by a coachman whose face was almost concealed in the long folds of a muffler. In front of this traveling-carriage were three broughams, belonging respectively to Carlotta, who had suddenly returned to Paris, to Sorelli and, at the head of the rank, to Comte Philippe de Chagny. No one left the barouche. The coachman remained on his box, and the three other coachmen remained on theirs. A shadow in a long black cloak and a soft black felt hat passed along the pavement between the Rotunda and the carriages, examined the barouche carefully, went up to the horses and the coachman and then moved away without saying a word, The magistrate afterward believed that this shadow was that of the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny; but I do not agree, seeing that that evening, as every evening, the Vicomte de Chagny was wearing a tall hat, which hat, besides, was subsequently found. I am more inclined to think that the shadow was that of the ghost, who knew all about the whole affair, as the reader will soon perceive. They were giving FAUST, as it happened, before a splendid house. The Faubourg was magnificently represented; and the paragraph in that morning's EPOQUE had already produced its effect, for all eyes were turned to the box in which Count Philippe sat alone, apparently | work | How many times the word 'work' appears in the text? | 3 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | hurt | How many times the word 'hurt' appears in the text? | 0 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | it,--will | How many times the word 'it,--will' appears in the text? | 1 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | wan | How many times the word 'wan' appears in the text? | 1 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | now | How many times the word 'now' appears in the text? | 3 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | remember | How many times the word 'remember' appears in the text? | 2 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | about | How many times the word 'about' appears in the text? | 3 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | we | How many times the word 'we' appears in the text? | 3 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | pledge | How many times the word 'pledge' appears in the text? | 0 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | find | How many times the word 'find' appears in the text? | 1 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | yourself | How many times the word 'yourself' appears in the text? | 3 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | tenderly | How many times the word 'tenderly' appears in the text? | 1 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | bien | How many times the word 'bien' appears in the text? | 0 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | instant | How many times the word 'instant' appears in the text? | 1 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | means | How many times the word 'means' appears in the text? | 3 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | send | How many times the word 'send' appears in the text? | 2 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | formally | How many times the word 'formally' appears in the text? | 0 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | forget | How many times the word 'forget' appears in the text? | 2 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | hand | How many times the word 'hand' appears in the text? | 2 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | can | How many times the word 'can' appears in the text? | 2 |
would it have been possible to prevent for long such an interview as that now proposed. "He shall come in if he pleases," said the Countess; "but I hope you will remember who you are and to whom you are speaking." "I will remember both, mamma," said Lady Anna. The Countess looked down on her daughter's face, and could not help thinking that her child was different from what she had been. There had been almost defiance in the words spoken, though they had been spoken with the voice of an invalid. At three o'clock that afternoon, according to his custom, Lord Lovel came, and was at once told that he was to be spoken to by his cousin. "She says it is about money," said the Countess. "About money?" "Yes;--and if she confines herself to that, do as she bids you. If she is ever to be your wife it will be all right; and if not,--then it will be better in your hands than in hers. In three months time she can do as she pleases with it all." He was then taken into Lady Anna's room. "Here is your cousin," said the Countess. "You must not talk long or I shall interrupt you. If you wish to speak to him about the property,--as the head of your family,--that will be very right; but confine yourself to that for the present." Then the Countess left them and closed the door. "It is not only about money, Lord Lovel." "You might call me Frederic now," said he tenderly. "No;--not now. If I am ever well again and we are then friends I will do so. They tell me that there is ever so much money,--hundreds of thousands of pounds. I forget how much." "Do not trouble yourself about that." "But I do trouble myself very much about it,--and I know that it ought to be yours. There is one thing I want to tell you, which you must believe. If I am ever any man's wife, I shall be the wife of Daniel Thwaite." That dark frown came upon his face which she had seen once before. "Pray believe that it is so," she continued. "Mamma does not believe it,--will not believe it; but it is so. I love him with all my heart. I think of him every minute. It is very very cruel that I may not hear from him or send one word to tell him how I am. There! My hand is on the Bible, and I swear to you that if I am ever the wife of any man, I will be his wife." He looked down at her and saw that she was wan and thin and weak, and he did not dare to preach to her the old family sermon as to his rank and station. "But, Anna, why do you tell me this now?" he said. "That you may believe it and not trouble yourself with me any more. You must believe it when I tell you so in this manner. I may perhaps never live to rise from my bed. If I get well, I shall send to him, or go. I will not be hindered. He is true to me, and I will be true to him. You may tell mamma if you think proper. She would not believe me, but perhaps she may believe you. But, Lord Lovel, it is not fit that he should have all this money. He does not want it, and he would not take it. Till I am married I may do what I please with it;--and it shall be yours." "That cannot be." "Yes, it can. I know that I can make it yours if I please. They tell me that--that you are not rich, as Lord Lovel should be, because all this has been taken from you. That was the reason why you came to me." "By heaven, Anna, I love you most truly." "It could not have been so when you had not seen me. Will you take a message from me to Daniel Thwaite?" He thought awhile before he answered it. "No, I cannot do that." "Then I must find another messenger. Mr. Goffe will do it perhaps. He shall tell me how much he wants to keep, and the rest shall be yours. That is all. If you tell mamma, ask her not to be hard to me." He stood over her and took her hand, but knew not how to speak a word to her. He attempted to kiss her hand; but she raised herself on her elbow, and shook her head and drew it from him. "It belongs to Daniel Thwaite," she said. Then he left her and did not speak another word. "What has she said?" asked the Countess, with an attempt at smiling. "I do not know that I should tell you." "Surely, Lovel, you are bound to tell me." "She has offered me all her property,--or most of it." "She is right," said the Countess. "But she has sworn to me, on the Bible, that she will never be my wife." "Tush!--it means nothing." "Ah yes;--it means much. It means all. She never loved me,--not for an instant. That other man has been before me, and she is too firm to be moved." "Did she say so?" He was silent for a moment and then replied, "Yes; she did say so." "Then let her die!" said the Countess. "Lady Lovel!" "Let her die. It will be better. Oh, God! that I should be brought to this. And what will you do, my lord? Do you mean to say that you will abandon her?" "I cannot ask her to be my wife again." "What;--because she has said this in her sickness,--when she is half delirious,--while she is dreaming of the words that man spoke to her? Have you no more strength than that? Are you so poor a creature?" "I think I have been a poor creature to ask her a second time at all." "No; not so. Your duty and mine are the same,--as should be hers. We must forget ourselves while we save the family. Do not I bear all? Have not I borne everything--contumely, solitude, ill words, poverty, and now this girl's unkindness? But even yet I will not give it up. Take the property,--as it is offered." "I could not touch it." "If not for you, then for your children. Take it all, so that we may be the stronger. But do not abandon us now, if you are a man." He would not stay to hear her further exhortations, but hurried away from the house full of doubt and unhappiness. CHAPTER XXXIX. LADY ANNA'S OFFER. Early in March Lady Anna was convalescent, but had not yet left the house in Keppel Street,--and the confusion and dismay of the Countess were greater than ever. Lady Anna had declared that she would not leave England for the present. She was reminded that at any rate till the 10th of May she was subject to her mother's control. But by this time her mother's harshness to her had produced some corresponding hardness in her. "Yes, mamma;--but I will not go abroad. Things must be settled, and I am not well enough to go yet." The Countess asserted that everything could be arranged abroad, that papers could be sent after them, that Mr. Goffe could come out to them, and with much show of authority persisted. She would do anything by which she might be able to remove Lady Anna from the influence of Daniel Thwaite at the time at which the girl would cease to be subject to her. But in truth the girl had ceased to be subject to her. "No, mamma, I will not go. If you will ask Serjeant Bluestone, or Sir William Patterson, I am sure they will say that I ought not to be made to go." There were some terrible scenes in which the mother was driven almost to desperation. Lady Anna repeated to the Countess all that she had said to Lord Lovel,--and swore to her mother with the Bible in hand that if ever she became the wife of any man she would be the wife of Daniel Thwaite. Then the Countess with great violence knocked the book out of her daughter's grasp, and it was thrown to the other side of the room. "If this is to go on," said the Countess, "one of us must die." "Mamma, I have done nothing to make you so unkind to me. You have not spoken one word of kindness to me since I came from Yoxham." "If this goes on I shall never speak a word of kindness to you again," said the mother. But in the midst of all this there was one point on which they were agreed,--on which they came sufficiently near together for action, though there was still a wide difference between them. Some large proportion of the property at stake was to be made over to Lord Lovel on the day that gave the girl the legal power of transferring her own possessions. The Countess began by presuming that the whole of Lady Anna's wealth was to be so transferred,--not from any lack of reverence for the great amount which was in question, but feeling that for all good purposes it would be safer in the hands of the Earl than in those of her own child. If it could be arranged that the tailor could get nothing with his bride, then it might still be possible that the tailor might refuse the match. At any rate a quarrel might be fostered and the evil might be staved off. But to this Lady Anna would not assent. If she might act in this business in concert with Mr. Thwaite she would be able, she thought, to do better by her cousin than she proposed. But as she was not allowed to learn what were Mr. Thwaite's wishes, she would halve her property with her cousin. As much as this she was willing to do,--and was determined to do, acting on her own judgment. More she would not do,--unless she could see Mr. Thwaite. As it stood, her proposition was one which would, if carried out, bestow something like 10,000 a year upon the Earl. Then Mr. Goffe was sent for, and Lady Anna was allowed to communicate her suggestion to the lawyer. "That should require a great deal of thought," said Mr. Goffe with solemnity. Lady Anna declared that she had been thinking of it all the time she had been ill. "But it should not be done in a hurry," said Mr. Goffe. Then Lady Anna remarked that in the meantime, her cousin, the Earl, the head of her family, would have nothing to support his title. Mr. Goffe took his leave, promising to consult his partner, and to see Mr. Flick. Mr. Goffe did consult his partner and did see Mr. Flick, and then Serjeant Bluestone was asked his advice,--and the Solicitor-General. The Serjeant had become somewhat tired of the Lovels, and did not care to give any strong advice either in one direction or in the other. The young lady, he said, might of course do what she liked with her own when it was her own; but he thought that she should not be hurried. He pointed it out as a fact that the Earl had not the slightest claim upon any portion of the estate,--not more than he would have had if this money had come to Lady Anna from her mother's instead of from her father's relatives. He was still of opinion that the two cousins might ultimately become man and wife if matters were left tranquil and the girl were taken abroad for a year or two. Lady Anna, however, would be of age in a few weeks, and must of course do as she liked with her own. But they all felt that everything would at last be ruled by what the Solicitor-General might say. The Solicitor-General was going out of town for a week or ten days,--having the management of a great case at the Spring Assizes. He would think over Lady Anna's proposition, and say what he had to say when he returned. Lord Lovel, however, had been his client, and he had said from first to last that more was to be done for his client by amicable arrangement than by hostile opposition. If the Earl could get 10,000 a year by amicable arrangement, the Solicitor-General would be shown to have been right in the eyes of all men, and it was probable,--as both Mr. Goffe and Mr. Flick felt,--that he would not repudiate a settlement of the family affairs by which he would be proved to have been a discreet counsellor. In the meantime it behoved Lord Lovel himself to have an opinion. Mr. Flick of course had told him of the offer,--which had in truth been made directly to himself by his cousin. At this time his affairs were not in a happy condition. A young earl, handsome and well esteemed, may generally marry an heiress,--if not one heiress then another. Though he be himself a poor man, his rank and position will stand in lieu of wealth. And so would it have been with this young earl,--who was very handsome and excellently well esteemed,--had it not been that all the world knew that it was his especial business to marry one especial heiress. He could hardly go about looking for other honey, having, as he had, one particular hive devoted by public opinion to himself. After a year or two he might have looked elsewhere,--but what was he to do in the meantime? He was well nigh penniless, and in debt. So he wrote a letter to his uncle, the parson. It may be remembered that when the uncle and nephew last parted in London there was not much love between them. From that day to this they had not seen each other, nor had there been any communication between them. The horses had been taken away and sold. The rector had spoken to the ladies of his household more than once with great bitterness of the young man's ingratitude; and they more than once had spoken to the rector, with a woman's piteous tenderness, of the young lord's poverty. But it was all sorrow and distress. For in truth the rector could not be happy while he was on bad terms with the head of his family. Then the young lord wrote as though there had been nothing amiss between them. It had in truth all passed away from his mind. This very liberal offer had been made to him. It amounted to wealth in lieu of poverty,--to what would be comfortable wealth even for an earl. Ten thousand a year was offered to him by his cousin. Might he accept it? The rector took the letter in good part, and begged his nephew to come at once to Yoxham. Whereupon the nephew went to Yoxham. "What does Sir William say?" asked the rector, who, in spite of his disapproval of all that Sir William had done, felt that the Solicitor-General was the man whose influence in the matter would really prevail. "He has said nothing as yet. He is out of town." "Ten thousand a year! Who was it made the offer?" "She made it herself." "Lady Anna?" "Yes;--Lady Anna. It is a noble offer." "Yes, indeed. But then if she has no right to any of it, what does it amount to?" "But she has a right to all of it;--she and her mother between them." "I shall never believe it, Frederic--never; and not the less so because they now want to bind you to them by such a compromise as this." "I think you look at it in a wrong light, uncle Charles." "Well;--well. I will say nothing more about it. I don't see why you shouldn't take it,--I don't indeed. It ought all to have been yours. Everybody says that. You'll have to buy land, and it won't give you nearly so much then. I hope you'll buy land all the same, and I do hope it will be properly settled when you marry. As to marrying, you will be able to do much better than what you used to think of." "We won't talk about that, uncle Charles," said the Earl. As far as the rector's opinion went, it was clear that the offer might be accepted; but yet it was felt that very much must depend on what the Solicitor-General might say. Then Miss Lovel gave her opinion on the matter, which did not altogether agree with that of her brother. She believed in Lady Anna, whereas the rector professed that he did not. The rector and Lady Fitzwarren were perhaps the only two persons who, after all that had been said and done, still maintained that the Countess was an impostor, and that Lady Anna would only be Anna Murray, if everybody had his due. Miss Lovel was quite as anxious on behalf of the Earl as was her brother, but she clung to the hope of a marriage. "I still think it might all come right, if you would only wait," said aunt Julia. "It's all very well talking of waiting, but how am I to live?" "You could live here, Frederic. There is nothing my brother would like so much. I thought he would break his heart when the horses were taken away. It would only be for a year." "What would come of it?" "At the end of the year she would be your wife." "Never!" said the Earl. "Young men are so impatient." "Never, under any circumstances, would I ask her again. You may make your mind up to that. As sure as you stand there, she will marry Daniel Thwaite, if she lives another twelvemonth." "You really think so, Frederic?" "I am sure of it. After what she said to me, it would be impossible I should doubt it." "And she will be Lady Anna Thwaite! Oh dear, how horrible. I wish she had died when she was ill;--I do indeed. A journeyman tailor! But something will prevent it. I really think that Providence will interfere to prevent it!" But in reference to the money she gave in her adhesion. If the great lawyer said that it might be taken,--then it should be taken. At the end of a week the Earl hurried back to London to see the great lawyer. CHAPTER XL. NO DISGRACE AT ALL. Before the Solicitor-General returned to town things had come to a worse pass than ever. Lady Lovel had ordered her daughter to be ready to start to Paris by a certain hour, on a certain day,--giving her three days for preparation,--and Lady Anna had refused to go. Whereupon the Countess had caused her own things to be packed up, and those of her daughter. Sarah was now altogether in the confidence of the Countess, so that Lady Anna had not even dominion over her own clothes. The things were stowed away, and all the arrangements were made for the journey; but Lady Anna refused to go, and when the hour came could not be induced to get into the carriage. The lodgings had been paid for to the day, and given up; so that the poor old woman in Keppel Street was beside herself. Then the Countess, of necessity, postponed her journey for twenty-four hours, telling her daughter that on the next day she would procure the assistance of magistrates and force the rebel to obedience. Hardly a word had been spoken between the mother and daughter during those three days. There had been messages sent backwards and forwards, and once or twice the Countess had violently entered Lady Anna's bedroom, demanding submission. Lady Anna was always on the bed when her mother entered, and, there lying, would shake her head, and then with sobs accuse the Countess of unkindness. Lady Lovel had become furious in her wrath, hardly knowing what she herself did or said, always asserting her own authority, declaring her own power, and exclaiming against the wicked ingratitude of her child. This she did till the young waiting-woman was so frightened that she was almost determined to leave the house abruptly, though keenly alive to the profit and glory of serving a violent and rich countess. And the old lady who let the lodgings was intensely anxious to be rid of her lodgers, though her money was scrupulously paid, and no questions asked as to extra charges. Lady Anna was silent and sullen. When left to herself she spent her time at her writing-desk, of which she had managed to keep the key. What meals she took were brought up to her bedroom, so that a household more uncomfortable could hardly be gathered under a roof. On the day fixed for that departure which did not take place, the Countess wrote to Mr. Goffe for assistance,--and Lady Anna, by the aid of the mistress of the house, wrote to Serjeant Bluestone. The letter to Mr. Goffe was the first step taken towards obtaining that assistance from civil authorities to which the Countess thought herself to be entitled in order that her legal dominion over her daughter might be enforced. Lady Anna wrote to the Serjeant, simply begging that he would come to see her, putting her letter open into the hands of the landlady. She implored him to come at once,--and, as it happened, he called in Keppel Street that night, whereas Mr. Goffe's visit was not made till the next morning. He asked for the Countess, and was shown into the drawing-room. The whole truth was soon made clear to him, for the Countess attempted to conceal nothing. Her child was rebelling against authority, and she was sure that the Serjeant would assist her in putting down and conquering such pernicious obstinacy. But she found at once that the Serjeant would not help her. "But Lady Anna will be herself of age in a day or two," he said. "Not for nearly two months," said the Countess indignantly. "My dear Lady Lovel, under such circumstances you can hardly put constraint upon her." "Why not? She is of age, or she is not. Till she be of age she is bound to obey me." "True;--she is bound to obey you after a fashion, and so indeed she would be had she been of age a month since. But such obligations here in England go for very little, unless they are supported by reason." "The law is the law." "Yes;--but the law would be all in her favour before you could get it to assist you,--even if you could get its assistance. In her peculiar position, it is rational that she should choose to wait till she be able to act for herself. Very great interests will be at her disposal, and she will of course wish to be near those who can advise her." "I am her only guardian. I can advise her." The Serjeant shook his head. "You will not help me then?" "I fear I cannot help you, Lady Lovel." "Not though you know the reasons which induce me to take her away from England before she slips entirely out of my hands and ruins all our hopes?" But still the Serjeant shook his head. "Every one is leagued against me," said the Countess, throwing up her hands in despair. Then the Serjeant asked permission to visit Lady Anna, but was told that he could not be allowed to do so. She was in bed, and there was nothing to make it necessary that she should receive a visit from a gentleman in her bedroom. "I am an old man," said the Serjeant, "and have endeavoured to be a true and honest friend to the young lady. I think, Lady Lovel, that you will do wrong to refuse my request. I tell you fairly that I shall be bound to interfere on her behalf. She has applied to me as her friend, and I feel myself constrained to attend to her application." "She has applied to you?" "Yes, Lady Lovel. There is her letter." "She has deceived me again," said the Countess, tearing the letter into atoms. But the Serjeant so far frightened her that she was induced to promise that Mrs. Bluestone should see Lady Anna on the following morning,--stipulating, however, that Mrs. Bluestone should see herself before she went up-stairs. On the following morning Mr. Goffe came early. But Mr. Goffe could give his client very little comfort. He was, however, less uncomfortable than the Serjeant had been. He was of opinion that Lady Anna certainly ought to go abroad, in obedience to her mother's instructions, and was willing to go to her and tell her so, with what solemnity of legal authority he might be able to assume; but he could not say that anything could be done absolutely to enforce obedience. Mr. Goffe suggested that perhaps a few gentle words might be successful. "Gentle words!" said the Countess, who had become quite unable to restrain herself. "The harshest words are only too gentle for her. If I had known what she was, Mr. Goffe, I would never have stirred in this business. They might have called me what they would, and it would have been better." When Mr. Goffe came downstairs he had not a word to say more as to the efficacy of gentleness. He simply remarked that he did not think the young lady could be induced to go, and suggested that everybody had better wait till the Solicitor-General returned to town. Then Mrs. Bluestone came, almost on the heels of the attorney;--poor Mrs. Bluestone, who now felt that it was a dreadful grievance both to her and to her husband that they had had anything to do with the Lovel family! She was very formal in her manner,--and, to tell the truth for her, rather frightened. The Serjeant had asked her to call and see Lady Anna Lovel. Might she be permitted to do so? Then the Countess burst forth with a long story of all her wrongs,--with the history of her whole life. Not beginning with her marriage,--but working back to it from the intense misery, and equally intense ambition of the present hour. She told it all; how everybody had been against her,--how she had been all alone at the dreary Grange in Westmoreland,--how she had been betrayed by her husband, and turned out to poverty and scorn;--how she had borne it all for the sake of the one child who was, by God's laws and man's, the heiress to her father's name; how she had persevered,--intermingling it all with a certain worship of high honours and hereditary position with which Mrs. Bluestone was able in some degree to sympathise. She was clever, and words came to her freely. It was almost impossible that any hearer should refuse to sympathise with her,--any hearer who knew that her words were true. And all that she told was true. The things which she narrated had been done;--the wrongs had been endured;--and the end of it all which she feared, was imminent. And the hearer thought as did the speaker as to the baseness of this marriage with the tailor,--thought as did the speaker of the excellence of the marriage with the lord. But still there was something in the woman's eye,--something in the tone of her voice, something in the very motion of her hands as she told her story, which made Mrs. Bluestone feel that Lady Anna should not be left under her mother's control. It would be very well that the Lovel family should be supported, and that Lady Anna should be kept within the pale of her own rank. But there might be things worse than Lady Anna's defection,--and worse even than the very downfall of the Lovels. After sitting for nearly two hours with the Countess, Mrs. Bluestone was taken up-stairs. "Mrs. Bluestone has come to see you," said the Countess, not entering the room, and retreating again immediately as she closed the door. "This is very kind of you, Mrs. Bluestone," said Lady Anna, who was sitting crouching in her dressing-gown over the fire. "But I thought that perhaps the Serjeant would come." The lady, taken off her guard, immediately said that the Serjeant had been there on the preceding evening. "And mamma would not let me see him! But you will help me!" In this interview, as in that below, a long history was told to the visitor, and was told with an eloquent energy which she certainly had not expected. "They talk to me of ladies," said Lady Anna. "I was not a lady. I knew nothing of ladies and their doings. I was a poor girl, friendless but for my mother, sometimes almost without shoes to my feet, often ragged, solitary, knowing nothing of ladies. Then there came one lad, who played with me;--and it was mamma who brought us together. He was good to me, when all others were bad. He played with me, and gave me things, and taught me,--and loved me. Then when he asked me to love him again, and to love him always, was I to think that I could not,--because I was a lady! You despise him because he is a tailor. A tailor was good to me, when no one else was good. How could I despise him because he was a tailor? I did not despise him, but I loved him with all my heart." "But when you came to know who you were, Lady Anna--" "Yes;--yes. I came to know who I was, and they brought my | vaches | How many times the word 'vaches' appears in the text? | 0 |